Little Bird and the Hawk
by Tracy137
Summary: A terrified woman, a silent knight...can he help her overcome the terrors that have struck have her dumb can she teach him to love? TristOC. WARNING: Bad Language... COMPLETE! Nominated for the Tristan Awards.
1. Finding

**_Disclaimer: I don't own King Arthur or any of its characters. The King Arthur movie is the property of Touchstone Pictures. So there is no copyright infringement intended, nor do I intend to tick anyone off – so please don't sue me, I'm poor enough already! But I do own the story itself and the characters of Juliana and other non-King Arthurian types…. :O) I've tried to use real Sarmatian tribal names as much as possible here; additional tattoos mentioned and any sayings are invented by me though._**

**_This is my second King Arthur fanfic; (and I have a third on the drawing board). It is still based on the 2004 film, as well as some legends I know a little about. I do not intend to rip off any other writer (I just can't wade through so many pages of stories to check, I'd lose the will to live!) so if this premise has been done before I'm sorry, I just hope mine is different enough for it not to be too boring. But if I digress from the movie and stuff a little, don't shoot me as I'm old and the brain (what little I have) is not what it used to be. Plus I might also change things to fit the story a little better –sorry. But that is what artistic license is all about! LOL_**

**_I wanted to do a slightly different story to my last one. It will be a Tristan/OC pairing, though will obviously bring the others into it too. _**

**_It's going to be fairly dramatic; romantic (I can't help it!) as well as fairly funny…in places anyway….. It is nothing but fluff, so if you don't like romance and stuff please don't read it! Just like the other one I suppose, but with a little twist. The main character, Juliana, is a mute….brought on through a severe trauma. IF she speaks in most of the story (from our point of view)it is thought only, for now at least. She communicates in other ways to those around her._**

**_This story is before they set out to get Germanius' little mate. It starts before the film - the last mission, etc will still take place, but things will be different, including the end; hope that's clearer than mud anyway!_**

**_All reviews, and constructive criticism, gratefully received – but no flaming please; and I will try to update regularly._**

**_WARNING: BAD LANGUAGE AND VIOLENCE, SO READ AT YOUR OWN PERIL. _**

'_**Thoughts'**_

"**Speech"**

_**Anyway…on with the show!**_

_**-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-**_

_**LITTLE BIRD AND THE HAWK**_

**_Chapter One – Finding_**

Tristan was on yet another scouting mission; he had seen nothing. This was surprising considering the Saxons were thought to be on the move, as were the Woads.

Still, only a few more months and they could leave… get their papers…and, well, probably back to Sarmatia. They had nowhere else to go. Bors wanted to stay, he knew that, and Dagonet would not leave the one he considered his brother. Arthur was going to Rome, Lancelot….well no one knew with him…probably back to Sarmatia, as was Gawain and Galahad.

It was a shame they were to fracture, he felt closer to them than anyone else, they more brothers than friends. They were certainly the only ones he had ever cared about.

A movement caught his eye…his hawk, riding on his arm, wheeled into the sky keening, "You saw it too, huh?" he murmured.

He slowed his horse and nudged it in the direction of the movement. He saw a mound of snow twitching, he dismounted and walked over. It moved again, drawing his dagger he leant down and cautiously brushed the snow off.

He was surprised to see a woman, around the same age as he, with similar tattoos to his. He stood quickly…looking around, he could see no one else – the tracks around her were leading south and away. She could not have been there that long…he checked around, the tracks were fairly fresh…they had left in the last hour. Returning to her, he could also see she was close to death.

He bent forward again as if to touch her and she opened her eyes. Almost black brown eyes registered him…her mouth opened as if to scream, but no sound came.

She tried to move, but the hypothermia that was quickly setting in was slowing her down – her mind too slow to send commands to her body to flee quickly enough.

As he cleared more snow off her, ignoring her feeble attempts to escape him, he could see she was quite badly injured, and he suspected she had been left for dead. Her abusers knowing the cold would finish off what they could not be bothered to do. No Woads or Saxons had done this…she was the victim of Romans. He knew a lot of them were retreating south; Rome was up to something….

She was almost naked, so he draped his cloak round her. There was something strange about her…she hadn't made a sound despite her obvious distress.

She was also a Sarmatian; and from his part too, judging by the tattoos. He looked at her left shoulder; there was the tattoo he expected to see…a cat's paw print. So she was of the Iazyges tribe, neighbours to his own.

She was shivering, but the movement was good – it meant she hadn't completely succumbed to the cold.

She was still feebly struggling, biting, scratching; he tried talking to her – but she was frantic. He gripped her face in his hands bringing it so she had to look at him. "I will not hurt you. You are Sarmatian?" He spoke in their own tongue, their local dialect…rusty, because it had been so long since he had used it, trying to prove what he said was true, but she seemed to understand him as she nodded; her eyes wide at meeting a fellow countryman.

"Then trust me, for so am I." he pointed to his tattoos. A frozen hand came up and rubbed one as if seeing if it would come off. When it didn't, she almost relaxed. "What is your name?"

She opened her mouth as if to speak, but again no sound came. "No matter…." He stooped and picked her up "You will come with me."

Ignoring her terrified look he swung her onto the saddle, making sure the cloak covered her. He rode back to Arthur.

"What have we got here?" asked his commander with a smile.

She had been placid all the way back, her eyes taking in everything, but she herself not moving at all. On seeing Arthur, blind terror crossed her face; she panicked and tried to run. Trying to will her frozen body and mind into obeying her need to flee.

Tristan easily caught her up; she only managed a few steps before collapsing. Enveloping her in his arms and picking her up, he muttered nothings to her; calming her as he did all frightened creatures.

Arthur was distressed to see the effect he had had on her. "What did I do?"

"Naught…it was that." Tristan gestured to his armour "It is Roman."

"Oh, I see…"

Dagonet went to take her out of his arms, but she would not let go – turning her head into his shoulder. The scout sighed "I'll take her Dag."

She would not even relinquish him whilst Dagonet examined her, retaining a tight grip on his hand. The larger knight could see it must hurt the scout; but the other merely ignored it, his face as passive as ever.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0

"She is badly hurt…" He told the assembled knights outside the wagon a short while later.

"She has been badly beaten and raped. It is not the first time either…she has injuries that would have killed another, yet she is recovering already….almost as if her body is used to such treatment."

Angry glances were exchanged among the knights "I love the way your beloved Rome feels the need to defile all the women of this land, Arthur." Ground out Lancelot angrily.

"She is Sarmatian. She comes from my area, her tattoos bear that out. The only difference is she has another like a cat's paw print on her left shoulder. She is of the Iazyges tribe and I am of the Rhoxolani tribe; we are both situated near the Danube." Offered Tristan, quietly.

"I know the region; they are fierce fighters. They're saying is the same as yours is it not Tris; 'Born in a saddle, sword in hand – ready to battle for family and land'?" Gawain spoke.

"Aye."

"She was a slave; she has a marking on her thigh indicating her number." Dagonet cleared his throat "she has many scars on her back; she's been badly beaten in the past, but this time was the most savage. I think she may have tried to escape whilst they were going south."

"It would make sense; she would think this her best chance to slip away without being caught. A shame it did not work." agreed Arthur. "Can I see her?"

Dagonet looked doubtful. "I will lose this…" he pointed to his armour "I would not wish to distress the girl further."

The large knight sighed "It is not only that; she cannot speak, can she Tristan?"

The scout shook his head "Nay, I had wondered when she tried to scream and could not..."

"Injury?" Lancelot spoke.

"Nay, I can find no sign. I think it is shock."

"Shock? What would shock her to the point of being struck dumb?" Galahad entered the discussion.

"I don't know, but something so terrible it has scarred her mentally; judging by her abject fear generally, and of you in particular Arthur – I would say it is something at the hands of Romans."

"What to do?" Gawain asked.

"Make her comfortable and get her back to the fort as quickly as possible, I can do more for her there; the problem is she is only at ease with Tristan…"

All eyes turned to him. "But I scout; I cannot be in two places at once." He shook his head "I will speak with her."

He went into the wagon.

"She looked like a frightened little bird didn't she?" Galahad remarked; the others nodded.

Arthur breathed deeply; it angered him the barbaric lengths roman soldiers would go to for 'fun'.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0

Tristan entered the wagon; saw her trying to fold herself into the corner, to make herself as small as possible – her arms up to protect herself……it was then he saw all the scars on her arms, knowing immediately they were defence wounds; he had to swallow hard to keep his anger down.

He gently touched her foot. "I have to speak to you…." she scooted forward as soon as she realised it was him, burying herself in his lap – finally relaxing. He sighed; this was going to be harder than he thought.


	2. First Encounters

**_Disclaimer: Same as Chapter 1 - so _please,_ for the love of _God,_ don't keep making me write it out people:O)__ The waxed wooden tablets with a stylus, pointed at one end and flat at the other, were used in the 1st C. AD. It was a Roman invention, and they were reusable……similar to us having pencils and rubbers now._**

_**All reviews, and constructive criticism, gratefully received – but no flaming please; and I will try to update regularly.**_

**_WARNING: BAD LANGUAGE AND VIOLENCE, SO READ AT YOUR OWN PERIL. _**

'_**Thoughts'**_

"_**Speech"**_

_**-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-**_

_**LITTLE BIRD AND THE HAWK**_

**_Chapter Two – First Encounters_**

Tristan spoke as he held her "I am a scout. It means that I have to ride ahead most of the time to ensure the way is safe for all of us; it means I have to leave you." she clung to him, trembling.

"I will stay tonight, but tomorrow you will ride with the other knights." She vigorously shook her head. "_Aye_ - they are Sarmatian also; you will be safe."

Again a vigorous shake of the head, she held a finger up – pointing at him with the other hand. "One? Oh, Arthur; he is only part Roman, it is hard to explain – but he is a good man. Do you trust me?" She nodded "well, _I_ trust _him_…"

She sighed, resting her head on his shoulder she nodded slowly. "You will do as I ask?" She nodded reluctantly again, though he could tell she was still worried.

"I will speak to the others, sleep now." She lay down obediently on the blankets and pelts on the floor, but he could tell her eyes were wide with fear.

"She will stay with you all tomorrow; I said I would watch her tonight." He told the others when he reached the fire.

"She is still silent – cannot communicate?" Galahad asked.

"Nay, she can communicate but not speak. Hand movements and the like."

"Can we aid her?" Asked Gawain.

"I doubt it; whatever it is that has happened she will have to deal with it before she can speak."

"Well, she'll suit you then Tristan – a silent friend for our silent scout!" Laughed Lancelot.

"I find no humour in it Lancelot." The scout looked levelly at his brother knight.

"I know - I know…..it is an awful thing that has happened to her. But you must admit you don't like to speak, and as she can't she will be a good friend for you." He smiled sheepishly.

"I am going to sleep." Tristan rose abruptly from the fire, taking some food for him and the girl.

"Lancelot, one day that sense of humour of yours will get you knocked out." sighed Arthur rising to follow the scout.

"Tristan…." without thinking he put his head through the curtain of the wagon; the girl immediately panicked and began to try and get out. It hurt him deeply to see what effect his mere presence had on her…

Tristan once again gathered her to him as he soothed her, rolling his eyes at Arthur.

"Sorry, sorry" he put his hands up to show her meant her no harm.

Tristan followed him outside "You must approach her carefully, Arthur. She is frightened out of her mind." He rubbed a hand over his eyes "What did you want?"

"We need to get her some clothes Tristan. I will see if the men have any spare breeches and shirts they can spare her."

Again he was back very quickly with a pair of Lancelot's trousers and one of Gawain's shirts. Tristan took them and handed them to the girl, she dipped her head in thanks.

Tristan left with Arthur "was there aught else?"

"Naught that can't wait until the morrow, old friend; and I am sorry for being so thoughtless.

The scout nodded and turned back to the wagon.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

When he entered he could see she was trying to dress herself and having trouble. There was dried blood on her, but it was her back that still made him catch his breath. The cloak had stuck to the dried blood there, and she was tentatively trying to peal it away.

"Let me aid you with that." he kept his voice level, despite the horror he felt. He had seen much in his life, particularly since being forced into the service of Rome, but this was beyond any of that.

She flinched as his fingers touched her bare shoulder. He leant close to her ear "I will do naught to harm you" he whispered. She nodded, but he could still feel her trembling.

"We will have to bathe these to loosen the cloak." He came back with a bowl of warm water and a cloth and began to wet the cloak to loosen it from her.

Eventually he had released it – using a dry edge to dab the excess water from her skin. He knew she was hurting, but she never moved. It was then he saw the strange bruises on her neck and shoulders; almost like a mouth print.

She moved slightly to pull the shirt over her head and he caught a glimpse of her breasts. The shock and sickness he felt, made him want to gag. "I will return soon." He said calmly; she nodded once more, unaware of what he had seen.

As he strode from the wagon his eyes were blazing. Galahad was stood not too far away "What is it? Is she well?" He stepped back at the rage blazing in his friend's eyes.

"Leave me be, Galahad." He ground out.

"What's wrong with her? Is she sickening?" Lancelot came over, sorry for what he said before and wondering what on earth had happened to upset the normally controlled scout so.

"She has _teeth marks_ on her breasts; to the point where whoever did it drew blood. Her back is also very bad, far worse than we have had cause to suffer." He shut his eyes and tried to regain control.

The other knights looked on horrified "_teeth marks?_" reiterated Lancelot.

"Aye, if I could track them I would….." he took a deep breath.

Arthur touched his shoulder, "I am ashamed at this moment to consider myself Roman." He sighed "Does she fare well?"

"She does not know I have seen; they are so bad they will scar Arthur." He levelled his gaze at his commander.

"I am sorry…."

"You did not do it; but…I am sorry you belong to Rome." He turned and went back to the wagon.

Inside she had dressed and settled down to sleep; but as soon as he came back in, she came to him and took his hand. She put it to her cheek and looked deep into his eyes, he could feel her gratitude "It is naught…." He shook his head.

She nodded vigorously, patting his hand; he knew she was disagreeing. He settled her, but she would not let him go. In the end he slept with her cuddled against him; his hand in hers and her holding his shirt as if for comfort.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

He woke at dawn, and as he carefully went to extricate himself her eyes flew open. For a moment blind terror filled them, then she began to get her bearings and her breathing started to return to normal.

She stared up at him, a question in her eyes. "I have to go now; you will be safe." She nodded, and he could tell she was unconvinced.

"I will send Dagonet into you soon. Remember Dagonet, the large knight who aided you?" She nodded. "I need to leave…." As he reached the steps of the wagon he felt a hand grasp his arm, he looked round and felt her lips touch his hand.

It was the smallest of gestures, but the gratitude in that small act caused his throat to hitch. He turned to look at her; her whole face looked puffy and bruised. He saw the purple bruising and swelling round her eyes causing them to close to slits.

"Can you see aught?"

She nodded slowly. He could tell she was in pain; but no tears fell, nor even filled her eyes. To be that used to pain he could only wonder at.

"Tristan, Arthur wants…… Oh my Goddess! Are you alright!" Galahad rushed forward, horror written all over his face, she almost fell over trying to go backwards.

The young knight ran into Tristan's outstretched arm. "What! Have you seen the state of her!"

"Aye. And _you_ have nearly scared her half to death."

"_Me_! What did _I_ do?"

"Nothing except appear to lunge at her."

"So? I would not hurt her."

"_She_ does not know that…."

"Oh…..sorry…I was just so shocked."

Tristan ignored the apology; he turned to the wagon "Are you alright? He did not mean to scare you."

Her face appeared again and she nodded very slowly almost as if she were afraid if she moved her head too much, too fast it would topple from her shoulders.

Galahad tried his best to school his features into the passive mask of his friend, but was sad to see the shame creep across her face when she saw the horror cross his own.

"I…..I am sorry – I did not mean to scare you" he said softly. She pulled her mouth into some semblance of a smile, but it never reached her eyes.

Tristan pushed him away "Come, what does Arthur want?"

"He wants to speak with you and the girl" his Commander's voice came behind him. Arthur tried to keep the shock off his face, and fairly succeeded.

The other knights behind him did not disguise it so well "Bloody hell! What did they beat her with Tris, a stone slab!" Bors cried in disgust.

"Shut up Bors!" cried Lancelot "Do you _want_ to scare her to death, you oaf!"

They started remonstrating with each other or, worse, staring at her – she retreated back a little. Tristan angrily rolled his eyes "She will not trust you if you continue to shout and stare." He growled.

"Knights!" Called Arthur "I think we need to gain a perspective on this so we can help her, agreed?" The knights nodded and backed away; all except Arthur, Dagonet and Tristan.

"I will check her wounds. But we need her to see us and get used to us Tristan; otherwise you will be taking her with you." Her face appeared at the wagon entrance, nodding.

"Many thanks Dagonet" he muttered under his breath, before speaking to her "you can not go anywhere whilst you are like that." He gestured to her face and arms, which he noticed, also had bite marks. She gesticulated wildly, getting more and more frustrated that they couldn't understand her.

Arthur intervened "Tristan is there anyway she can communicate with the rest of us? Can she…umm………..read and write…."

"I doubt….." He was interrupted by her tapping at his arm, nodding "It would appear she can…"

"I will get her something to write with and on…." Arthur smiled.

He returned a few moments later with a waxed tablet and a stylus. She smiled hesitantly and took them slowly out of his hands, her whole body tensed. He could tell it was costing her much to resist the urge to run.

Tristan showed her how to use them….

"What is your name?"

Juliana.

"Are you Sarmatian?"

Aye, Iazyges tribe.

"You were right." Said Arthur as Tristan continued talking.

"Where are you from?"

Sarmatia.

"I mean here…." He smiled.

North of the wall, Roman army camp.

Both men saw her shudder. He took a deep breath "What happened to you? Who hurt you?"

She shook her head, not looking at them.

"I am sorry; I did not mean to push you."

But she was withdrawing again; then suddenly it looked as if a thought occurred to her.

Please do not ask me again.

"I see, very well; mayhap you will tell us one day. You will learn you are among friends, Juliana."

She dipped her head and then wrote something else.

Please thank your men for their kindness to me.

"I will, but they are happy to aid where they can…..Juliana? I am sorry for what the Romans did to you; whatever it was."

She nodded, but would not meet his eyes and he and Tristan watched the shutters come down once again.

She put the items under her arm and, turning, started crawling back into the wagon. As she did so, the men caught sight of her back through the thin shirt; "Dear God!" said Arthur; unable to disguise his surprise, despite Tristan telling them of it; the others gasped.

She glanced round, spotting them she turned back and scrabbled to pick something up to put round her; she looked ashamed and Arthur's heart went out to her.

Gawain stripped his jerkin off, holding it out at arms length he walked very slowly towards Juliana. "Here…take this, your need is greater than mine I think." He smiled.

She gingerly reached out to take it, exposing her arm. Gawain did his very best not to look shocked at the bloody bites and bruises on her arm, with older scars amongst them.

She was not looking at him and so did not see his face, she dipped her head in thanks; before scuttling back into the wagon.

Tristan called her; she came back to the entrance "Have you anyone? Anyone for you we can find?"

She slowly picked up the utensils and began writing.

Dead – ALL dead.

She held it up for them to see…….putting her other a hand out to Tristan, he gathered her into his arms. Again she did not weep, no tears filled her eyes – but he could sense the grief within her.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

Juliana was thankful when the one called Arthur brought her something to write with.

When her fellow Sarmatian, Tristan, brought her here she was terrified. She still was truth be told, but she thought that mayhap these men would not hurt her.

She trusted him; she couldn't explain why….maybe it was because he was from the Rhoxolani tribe, a neighbour to her own. Maybe it was because he spoke in the old language and even their own local dialect when he first found her; though he had reverted to the Briton language now.

But whatever it was she trusted him, and he trusted them – so it only followed that she must also.


	3. Knights & Nightmares

**_Disclaimer: Same as Chapter 1 - so _please,_ for the love of _God,_ don't keep making me write it out people:O)__ The waxed wooden tablets with a stylus, pointed at one end and flat at the other, were used in the 1st C. AD. It was a Roman invention, and they were reusable……similar to us having pencils and rubbers now._**

_**All reviews, and constructive criticism, gratefully received – but no flaming please; and I will try to update regularly.**_

**_WARNING: BAD LANGUAGE AND VIOLENCE, SO READ AT YOUR OWN PERIL. _**

'_**Thoughts'**_

"**Speech"**

_**-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-**_

_**LITTLE BIRD AND THE HAWK**_

**_Chapter Three – Knights and Nightmares_**

Juliana spent the morning in the wagon. Her head throbbed; in fact, _all_ of her throbbed. Her back was so painful she couldn't lay on it and indeed all she longed to do was to go back to the snow. It cooled her, and she had found that death beckoned; a welcome relief from all this suffering.

A face appeared at the wagon; she sat up, awkwardly trying to move to the back; Dagonet looked in slowly "Hello Juliana…." He said quietly, trying to make sure he did not scare her; the initial terror in her eyes tore at his heart.

She sagged slightly with relief, holding up a hand in greeting – but still maintaining her position.

He put his hands up in submission to show he was safe, he realised with a lurch that he would approach a beaten dog the same way "I'm just coming to check on you, alright?"

She nodded and shuffled slowly forward. He could see she was in a lot of pain, as he came in and checked her over, "Shall I check any other wounds?" he pointed to her front. She blushed bright red, shook her head as she looked at the floor of the wagon.

Dagonet ached to hold her, tell her she was among friends and they would die before they would let _anything_ like this happen again; but he knew that would the worst thing he could do.

"Your back is already healing; the wounds are beginning to seal. They will scar though - most of your wounds will…" he changed the subject making himself keep his voice even, despite his dismay at what he was looking at.

She shrugged as she picked up her tablet:

I have others, more will make no difference.  
But I have always healed quickly.

"Like Tristan."

He is nice – he is kind to me.

"He's a good man, Juliana – but very quiet."

I like that – I like him.

"Why do you like him?"

He calms me.

Dagonet understood. "Do you feel up to meeting the other knights? I'll be with you…"

She froze, but then forced herself to smile slightly:

I will scare them Dagonet.

She pointed to her swollen face.

"Nay, but you will not; they would like to meet you" he hesitated before continuing "we will look after you Juliana, you are among friends now. Please?"

The stylus hovered over the tablet.

Aye, as you wish.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0

After he had finished treating her wounds he helped dress again, and then got her down from the wagon. She walked stiffly and held her back straight; trying not to knock or rub it, even with the cotton shirt and jerkin.

All the knights came over as one; she moved behind Dagonet, clutching the tablet and stylus until her knuckles were white, her eyes wide with fright "Come on boys, give the lassie some room – you can't all meet her at once. So line up and give the girl a chance."

Smiling they formed an orderly line. Arthur, watching from a safe distance, smiled with them; they were so keen to help, almost in a boyish way.

Dagonet took her along the line. "This is Lancelot, he fights with two swords."

So do I.

"Really?" Lancelot was surprised.

Aye…back in Sarmatia, my father taught me.

"Mayhap _I_ could teach you now".

Mayhap.

"This is Gawain"

Hello Gawain.

The young knight smiled "Hello Juliana; we'll be nice I promise".

Are all you knights friends?

"Aye, Galahad and I both are, Bors and Dagonet tend to stick together, as do Arthur and Lancelot…."

What of Tristan?

"He likes his own company." He smiled. "But we are all brothers really – we would die for each other if the call came."

I see.

"This is Galahad. He's the youngest."

"Shut up Dagonet, you make me sound like a bloody baby! Hello Juliana; we're here to help you know." Galahad glared at Dag, but smiled at the girl.

Thank you.

"This here is Bors. He lives with his lover, Vanora and has 11 bastard children."

"That's right; and they're lovely!" He grinned as he stepped forward to hug her, his soft heart going out to the battered girl. She involuntarily stepped backward.

"Sorry, girl, sorry…" he shook his head at himself.

My fault…my fault; it is nice to meet you Bors.

Arthur walked slowly towards her. Her eyes widened in fear, he looked down and realised he had his armour on. "It is alright Juliana, tis only the only way to stop me getting killed…" he smiled.

"Oi, what are we - fish stew?" butted in Lancelot in mock incredulity "I suppose we just ride around you looking pretty!"

"Oi? Who are you calling pretty? I ain't bloody _'pretty_', I'm a warrior!" Bors said.

Lancelot looked at Juliana and winked "He is _so _easy to tease – almost as easy as Galahad!" The younger knight snorted.

Juliana almost smiled at the friendly banter, and dipped her head at Lancelot. Arthur realised what his best friend was doing; maybe that humour of his wasn't so bad.

"I am Arthur. I am the commander of this band of merry men; but do not let them frighten you, a forceful woman like you will soon tame them!" He smiled, pretending not to see her shake. She would not even look up at him, let alone make eye contact. She wrote again:

That Juliana is dead. She died under the snow.

The knights all went to step forward to comfort her – but Dagonet gestured them back; even so, she had not missed it:

You are good and kind men, thank you.

Then:

I am sorry I am were protests that she was alright and nothing of the sort. But still their hearts went out to her….

She pushed her broken face into what would normally be considered a smile and walked stiffly to the fire.

They stood behind her, unsure of what to do next. Lancelot took the initiative first and walked over so he sat opposite her; showing her he wouldn't crowd her, immediately the others all followed.

It ended with her on one side and all the others crowded round the other. If the reason behind it hadn't been so pitiful, Arthur would have laughed at the sight of five large and fully grown men all trying to perch on one log.

She once more picked up the stylus and tablet:

Why do you fight for Rome?

"We have to. We were taken from our villages and put into the Sarmatian cavalry as knights, Arthur was made our commander." Lancelot answered.

How old are you all?

"Let's see: Galahad is 24, Gawain is 26, I am 32, Tristan is 34, Arthur, Dagonet and Bors are all 36. They took us at different ages, because they took only the boys with the best skills to be knights. Age was irrelevant to them. How old are you?"

I am not sure; I think I am 28 summers.  
_Everything_ is irrelevant to them, except their own way and their own….pleasure.  
How long have you been fighting?

The words were painstakingly written, but the bitterness shone through. Lancelot resisted the urge to ask her again what had happened.

"Three months short of 15 years. When we reach that time we will gain our freedom."

So you are slaves like me? What will you do?

Lancelot tried not to retort to what she was saying, she was only trying to make sense of things – but it still hurt him to see what they'd tried to ignore for years in harsh letters before them.

"We do not consider ourselves slaves; but you might be right." He sighed "we will return home. Go back to Sarmatia. You are free now, what of you?"

Nay, of course you do not; you are fighters. I am sorry.  
You have a home to go to?

The look on her face showed she seemed surprised.

"It is no matter. But aye, we have tribes to go back to; though none of us are sure as to what kinfolk we return to – 15 years is a long time, they may have all perished. What of you? You are _free_ now, what _will_ you do?" he reiterated the point.

That is nice for you, I am glad.  
I have no one to return to. They died.  
I will never return - I will never be free. She shrugged.

It struck Gawain how like Tristan her way of speaking was because of using the tablet, short and to the point. He wondered if she would speak more with a voice.

"Why won't you be free?" Bors spoke "We would never let them harm you little bird. Especially your hawk…."

Little bird? Hawk? She looked confused at them.

He blushed "Hawk is what we sometimes call Tristan. Little bird is what we nicknamed you, before we knew your name; our apologies…."

Nay – Nay! I like it; it is nice that someone would bother - _you_ are all nice.  
Hawk suits Tristan too.

They smiled. She stopped writing and looked at the floor:

I will not be free because they killed me in here. She pointed to her heart.  
It is a dead thing, and they haunt me in here. She pointed to her head.

Her face became even more desolate at remembered horrors. She shut her eyes; they thought she might weep, but she did not.

Bors rubbed a hand over his face, what had they _done_ to her? It went far and beyond what they were seeing here; but he knew better than to ask by now.

"I see. Well, we will have to try and bring you back to life." He smiled.

She smiled back; but it did not reach her eyes.

The knights watched the broken woman before them trying so hard to be comfortable in their company, and it broke their hearts anew.

Arthur feared for the roman soldiers back at the fort, these knights would be spoiling for a fight on their return; there was little love lost between his Sarmatians and the Romans anyway, this would just be adding fuel to an already dangerous fire….

What of Juliana? What would become of their little bird – and she _was_ theirs now, they would not let her go; he could see it in all their faces – what would she make of a fort full of the very type of man that had done this evil to her?

0-0-0-0-0-0-0

That was how Tristan found her when he returned. He was pleased to see her sitting on the log, the knights had spread out a little more – but still gave her plenty of space.

Normally he would merely walk up, but he knew a sudden appearance would frighten her "Juliana?" he spoke softly.

She turned painfully towards him; he did not recoil in shock she was gladdened to note. But little did she know the way his insides somersaulted on seeing her injuries so vividly again.

They were getting worse if anything, her eyes were still just bruised and swollen slits but the other bruises were going vivid purples. Her whole face was still very swollen.

He looked to Dagonet as she walked over "She has done well my friend, she even stayed her ground with Arthur. But it cost her dear……….she was shaking like a leaf." he whispered the end.

Tristan nodded and covered the short distance between them. "How fare you?"

I am well. This is a boon. She indicated the tablet.

"Aye, at least we can communicate with you. Who taught you to write?"

My owner.

"Why?"

He thought it funny to have a slave who could write about the things he did to her; he would like to read them later, afterwards, they….excited him.

She stopped and closed her eyes before patting down the wax and anxiously writing:

PLEASE Tristan, ask me no more!

"I see." He knew what she was talking about, and it sickened him to his stomach "I am sorry. Have you had a good day with my brother knights?" he asked, changing the subject.

But he knew that with gently prodding like this, they would garner as much information long term as with much distressing questioning now. It would take time to find out everything, but he had patience.

Aye, they are very nice to me.

"Glad I am to hear it, otherwise I would have had to kill them."

"Well you could bloody try, Tris!" Laughed Lancelot.

"Aye, and I would succeed." came the matter of fact reply.

All the knights laughed, but looked happy at the way he stood protectively near Juliana; she clutching his arm. At least there was one man she did not shy from.

They couldn't explain why, but they liked this woman – their little bird was one of them now, and she had her own hawk to watch over her.

0-0-0-0-0-0

It was later that night the nightmares started, and the knights realised that Juliana did indeed have a voice.

It was the screams that woke them; then – and Arthur would later hate to remember what she'd screamed - "MY BABY – PLEASE I BEG YOU, DO NOT KILL ANOTHER CHILD OF MINE!"

Then: "YOU BASTARD, WHY DO YOU LAUGH AS YOU MAKE ME WATCH! IT IS YOUR CHILD TOO!"

Tristan managed to wake her; she crawled away, sitting in a corner rocking back and forth, oblivious to those around her. Some of the wounds had re-opened and blood was seeping into the shirt.

He realised she would not let even him near her for now; his only other option was to head the others off.

The knights all came tearing to the wagon. "Dear Goddess!" cried Dagonet "did she scream what I thought I heard!"

"Right…..That's it! I say we hunt the bastards down, cut off their sorry heads and shit down their necks!" Bors was almost incomprehensible with rage.

The others were all coming up with ways they too could inflict great pain and suffering on whoever did this to her.

"It would serve no purpose" Tristan said calmly, the others began to protest "I doubt it was a roman soldier who did this…..thing to her. More like her owner, and unless she tells us who it is and where, there is little we can do." They all muttered, but agreed he had a point.

"But if I ever find out who did this, I will track him and kill him myself; and it will not be an easy death…" his eyes glittering dangerously, he ducked back into the wagon.

Arthur stood to one side, as Lancelot walked past him. "Do you still love your precious Rome now, _Arturious_?" he spat bitterly as he passed, using Arthur's roman name almost as an insult.

Arthur sighed, he could understand their bitterness – God knows _he _felt bitter about this and _he_ considered himself a Roman.

The other knights all stalked past silently; except for Gawain "we do not blame _you_ Arthur, but we do blame what you stand for." He said before walking away.

Back in the wagon, Tristan was trying to approach Juliana. She was almost in another place, another time, where some horror was tormenting her.

"Juliana? Juliana it is Tristan; won't you let me help you?" he continued speaking slowly, but didn't appear to be making much headway…..

"Call her little bird. Bors let it slip to her that is what we call her and that you are the hawk that watches over her…….she seemed to like it." It was Arthur's voice. "Tristan? I…I am so…" his voice caught.

"I know…I know…"

He heard Arthur walk slowly away.

He turned back to Juliana "little bird? Little bird won't you let your hawk help you?"

All of a sudden the black/brown eyes snapped open; it was like she was finally coming back to reality from the horrors in her mind. She began to crawl to him "Are you alright?" she opened her mouth to speak……but now nothing came – she nodded.

She moved to him almost blindly, once again folding herself into him; almost trying to become one with him, trying to escape the demons that tormented her. She buried her battered face in his neck.

He put his arms around her, held her as tight as he could without paining her. But she clung to him still; and he realised that she cared naught for the pain; she just wanted him with her, wanted to know he would never let her go. He hugged her tighter then, knowing it was hurting her now, but trying to show her she was not alone – never would be again, none of them would let hurt befall her.

Huddled tightly together like that he murmured nothings in her ear, trying to console her – his voice calm and soothing as gradually her trembling stopped; his face it's usual passive mask. But his eyes, staring into the darkness, glittered with barely suppressed rage.


	4. Travelling

**_Disclaimer: Same as Chapter 1 - so _please,_ for the love of _God,_ don't keep making me write it out people:O)__ The _****_Iazyges tribe of Sarmatia was conquered by _****_Marcus Aurelias_** **_in 175AD; some were brought to northern Briton as slaves. Others were put in the legion of_****_VI Legion Victrix_****_ under the command of none other than _****_Lucius Artorius Castus_****_! Though the film and consequently this story is set in around 450-500AD._**

**_All reviews, and constructive criticism, gratefully received – but no flaming please; and I will try to update regularly._**

**_WARNING: BAD LANGUAGE AND VIOLENCE, SO READ AT YOUR OWN PERIL. _**

'_**Thoughts'**_

"_**Speech"**_

_**-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-**_

_**LITTLE BIRD AND THE HAWK**_

**_Chapter Four – Travelling_**

The following morning Juliana woke in Tristan's arms; the feeling of a man's weighty arm over her, smelling that male smell…..she began to panic. Struggling, she tried to sit up and get away.

Tristan's voice suddenly soothing her, calmly assuring her that she was safe aided her in regaining her bearings. His speech still thick with sleep, he managed to hush her fear. She went from fighting him, to clinging to him.

"It is all well Juliana – you have naught to fear, we will never let aught happen to you. _I_ would not let aught happen to you." The quiet authority in his voice assured he was telling the truth, not merely spouting words to lull her.

Picking up her tablet, her one now constant companion, she wrote:

I am sorry.

"You have naught to apologise for; did you know you spoke yester night?"

Nay, I do not remember; what did I say?

Tristan told her; she paled to the point where he thought she would faint. "what ails you?"

She did not write.

"What ails you?"

Naught, naught ails me.

Then:

Did they hear me?

"Aye."

What did they say?

"They want to know who it is, so they can kill him."

They cannot; he is powerful in Rome.  
He is of the Church, but he is an evil man.

"I see. Can you tell you me yet what happened, can you tell us who?" She paused for the longest time; then:

If I tell you about my nightmare, why I have it, will it aid me?  
Will I then speak again?

"Aye, it will help – but I cannot say about your speech. You need to face your fears."

They are not fears but realities for me.

"You still have to face them."

I will tell, but to you all as I could not, **would** not, keep telling.

She closed her eyes against the memories that threatened to overwhelm her.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0

Tristan led her out of the wagon. "Juliana wishes to explain about the nightmare to us all."

They gathered round; she hovered so close to Tristan, you could barely see light between them. She wrote slowly and so painfully, each word seeming to be dragged from her heart:

He killed my babies; _his_ babies - all 4, in front of me.  
He laughed as he did that terrible thing; he laughed as he beat and raped me.  
He made me write it down.  
A journal, for his amusement and…gratification.  
He was angry when I could not scream any more.  
That was when he let the soldiers take me.  
They beat and raped me.

She paused, then:

I would welcome death now.

She refused to look up as she returned to the wagon; if she had she would have seen the normally unmoved knights struggling to control rage, disbelief and tears.

Bors, his own offspring forefront in his mind; was having the most trouble to comprehend the enormity of what she'd told them "We want to know who it is! We want revenge!" He cried.

She stopped and turned:

You cannot, he is powerful in Rome.  
He is of the Church; you will not be allowed to hurt him.  
The penalties for all of you would be severe.  
I cannot allow that, you are good men.

"We care not!" cried Bors. The others murmured their agreement.

**I** care - **I** care, because you are good men and have been nice to me.  
It has been a long time since anyone was nice to me.  
I will survive because of you, one day he will see me and fear; that will be revenge enough.

She went back into the wagon.

0-0-0-0-0

"I do _not _care what that poor lass says; we should hunt him down and spread his guts across the hills, cut his dick off and make him eat it, cut his tongue out and shove it up his arse, make him…..!" Bors was incandescent with rage as he thought up all sorts of vile tortures for the man who did this evil.

"She has not told us who it is." Tristan pointed out "And I believe there is much more to what has happened to her than this."

"How can you be so bloody calm, Tristan!" shouted the other knight in exasperation.

"Because we know not who it is, and I wish to save my energy until I do." Though his face and voice were impassive, the others noted the murderous glint in his eye.

The other knights quieted Bors. Arthur stood in shock, "how could any do such evil?"

Lancelot walked over "It is good to know it is not only a roman, but a roman _Christian_ that carries out such atrocities with apparent glee; is it not Arthur!" he glared.

"I am not to blame my friend. I suggest you do as Tristan says and keep your rage for the one who deserves it." He sighed.

"You are not to blame, nay I agree on that. But I wish an explanation as to why someone from the so _enlightened_ Rome you wax lyrical about, from this new religion that is supposedly so _wonderfully _peaceful would carry out these _atrocities_?" He asked coldly.

"I cannot; it goes against both Rome and the Church." Arthur held up his hands in submission "I cannot explain such actions; I am sorry."

Lancelot could hear the hurt in his friend and commander's voice and sighed "I am sorry too Arthur, sorry that such barbarity can be carried out with no reason to it. I cannot accept the..….evil that has been done here." He rubbed his hand over his eyes in frustration as he strode away. The others followed him.

"Do not worry Arthur, all will be well." Tristan spoke.

"_You_ do no hate me?"

"Nay, none of us do - he is angry, as we all are. But you did not do it. Even Juliana does not lay blame at your door. It is only what you stand for, and the fact you are a man, that scares her so."

"Why is she not afraid of you?"

"I cannot explain it; though the little bird and hawk names worked yester night."

Arthur sighed "Will she fare well enough alone with us? We must move out today, to tarry here longer risks discovery by the Woads at least. I need you to scout ahead."

"She will manage. I will suggest she ride in the wagon, she can get out when we stop to rest and for the night; that way she can get to know the knights slowly."

"Many thanks Tristan."

The scout nodded and left.

0-0-0-0-0-0

He explained to Juliana what would be happening. She nodded; clearly unhappy at being without the only one she truly trusted yet again, but accepting it.

It bothered him that she _was_ so accepting; he knew her tribe, it was like his own. They were warriors, fighters – they would not quietly accept anything they did not want.

Yet whatever he said she quietly went along with; even to meeting the knights the day before. He knew what that must have cost her, but because he said he trusted them she did her best to do the same.

He looked at her; the shirt was sticking to her where the blood had seeped through, but could see the wounds had sealed again and her eyes were slightly less puffy. The black/brown irises were becoming more visible again, and her whole face seemed to be slightly less swollen than the day before. The bruises were still purple, but he knew from his own experiences they would fade with time.

She was beginning to heal, on the outside at least. The scars she bore on her skin a mere hint at the ones she bore on her heart and soul. What had she said? "My heart is a dead thing"; if what he suspected was true, he could believe it. After all, was not his own?

The nightmare had shocked him; Saxons killed babies, but then they wiped out whole areas: men, women _and_ children. They were not killed in front of each other like that for some perverse entertainment.

It was hard to believe that any roman would carry out such butchery – particularly to children they had fathered. But with them now seeming to withdraw from Briton, which is what he suspected was happening, they probably felt they could carry out any perversion with little fear of reprisal.

Well, the soldiers may have escaped, but the one who had abused her worst of all would not. He vowed he and his brother knights would have their revenge on her part. They could not, would not, allow this to go unpunished; the penalty for them be what it may.

She looked at him questioningly, realising he had been staring:

I sicken you.  
My injuries.

"_Nay_, I was just thinking of something I will need to do; as to that, we have all had worse." He spoke of matter of factly, and against her better judgement she believed him.

He noticed her flinch as she went to move "Why are you sitting so straight still? You hold your side, are you injured there?"

It is naught.

"It must be aught for you to sit so, why did not Dagonet see to it?"

I would not let him.  
He would see.

"See what?"

What else they did to me.

"Let me see to you; I will not judge."

She hesitated.

"Little bird, your hawk would never do aught to harm you."he murmured calmly and gently.

It is not harming me I worry for.  
Your…..friendship is important.  
I would not like it if you hated me.

Tristan gripped her shoulders gently, making her look at him "I would not hate nor judge you Juliana – none of us would, mark that. Now let me see."

She sighed and obediently un-tucked her shirt, wincing as she did; he could not see properly and asked that she remove the shirt. Her fingers trembled as she did so, but still obediently obliged, it was then he saw the reason her reluctance - the bite marks. They were healing but, as he had suspected, they would scar.

They still caused him shock, though his face was as inscrutable as ever. He looked at the large bruise on her side, pretending not see the red marks over her chest as she held the shirt in front of her breasts. She was grateful.

"How did Dagonet miss _this_?"

I did not let him see.

"He is usually very thorough, and I was with you."

I lay on that side. The bruising was not so bad then, and I kept the cloth around my front...because…  
She lowered her eyes, to where the red welts with teeth marks were.

"I see."

I want to die Tristan. Truly, you should have let me.

"I want you to live. We all do."

Why?  
What use is my life to anyone?  
I am nothing, a no one; not even worthy to breathe the air around me.

He gripped her shoulders "I do not care what you have been told - you _are_ someone, you are Juliana of the Iazyges tribe; that is enough. You are a fighter Juliana, and you will fight again; to survive, to live. We will help you."

She looked past his mask like face, his calm voice and into his passionate eyes.

Aye, if you wish it.

"I do. You will too - soon." He felt her side gently once more, hearing her hiss slightly but she never moved.

"You have a fractured rib and additionally a broken one. You are used to pain?"

I see.  
Aye, more than even Hades can hold.

"Put your shirt on. I will return at sunset."

She dipped her head.

0-0-0-0-0

He sought Arthur and Dagonet out and told them of what he had learnt.

"It would explain why she carries herself so stiffly." Nodded Dagonet.

"Dear God, is there naught that has not been done to her?" asked Arthur in despair.

Tristan regarded his commander and friend levelly "Nay."

He walked away. Dagonet watched him go "The two you need to worry about Arthur, are he and Lancelot. They feel strongly, and the others will follow them." He paused "I would." Arthur nodded, rubbing a weary hand over his face.

He looked up and saw Juliana from the wagon – she saw him looking at her, her face froze in fear. He could see her breathing deeply and plucking at the curtain of the wagon, trying to control her panic, before trying to smile. She gestured to him, he walked forward very slowly.

He could see what it was costing her to remain where she was. It pained him much to see how frightened she was of him.

"What can I do you for you Juliana?"

Little bird is better.

Again another attempt at a smile.

"Alright, Little Bird; I will tell the others."

It is a new start for me.  
My family called me Jules.

"I will tell them that also."

I...wish to speak with you.  
Outside.

She stepped out of the wagon, he gave her space.

I wish to ride. Have you a horse?

"Aye, we could free up one of the pack horses without much trouble. But do you think it is wise with your ribs?"

Tristan told you.

"Aye, he is concerned."

I see.  
I was born in a saddle.  
I will cope.

A pause:

Pain is naught to me.

It hurt him to read that, but he realised the truth of it. "If it is what you wish, I will see to it; but why?"

The quicker they see me recover the better.  
They want revenge. I am mute, not deaf and I hear them.  
I do not wish it; if he dies let it be at my hand and mine alone.  
They will suffer and so will you, that would not be fair.

"You are very brave…"

Her face contorted into a sneer:

If I were brave I would be dead,  
A defiled slave since the age of 10 – my family would disown me.  
I should have died at my own hand long ago, if not at my captors.

Her words radiated anger. "You are angry now. That is good; one reason to survive is anger, Ju….little Bird. Remember that."

She nodded.

0-0-0-0-0

Dagonet was dubious when Arthur told him what she wanted to do "Tristan will not be pleased."

"She should do as she wishes, Dag" replied Arthur "For once she should be allowed to do as _she_ wishes.

They saddled her a horse, and she rode; in great pain and unbearably uncomfortable, but she rode. She earned their respect that day.

She watched the trees roll by, felt the crisp wind in the air. The seasons were changing again, another year had passed - the snow would soon be gone. She schooled her mind, as she had long ago, to drift away; from the here and now, from the memories, but most of all the pain.

Lancelot was the one to break her silent reverie "We will need to get you a new tablet when we return, little bird" he spoke quietly as he rode up to her. Looking at the wax tablet; with its markings pressed down again and again from constant use, it was looking remarkably the worse for wear now.

She tried not to start, but could not help it. "Sorry, Little Bird I am unsure how to not to scare you."

She dipped her head.

He told you.

"What?"

My name.

"Aye. He said you would prefer that or Jules."

Aye, he is correct.

A pause, then:

You should not blame him.

"Who?"

Arthur.  
It is not his fault.

"Do you not blame him?"

Nay.  
But he scares me; not who he is, but what he stands for.  
Still, I do not blame him.

"I cannot understand his love for a Rome that does this, or a God that allows it!"

Nay, but he is loyal; that is good surely?  
You cannot blame any God for the evil that men do.

"You are wise." He smiled, calming.

Nay I am not, but I have had much time to think.

She tapped his arm. "What?"

I want to learn to fight again.  
I will not seek revenge, but I wish to be ready if our paths were to cross again.

"_We_ will protect you, fear not."

NAY.  
It is **my** right to correct the wrong that was done me, to avenge the death of **my** children.  
I wish to fight myself.

"Aye, true enough." She tapped his arm again "What?"

Where are we going?

Lancelot had dreaded this, he closed is eyes "Home." He said, stalling.

Where is that?

He sighed "The fort - at the Wall."

She began to shake.


	5. Torture

**_Disclaimer: Same as Chapter 1 - so _please,_ for the love of _God,_ don't keep making me write it out people:O)__ Juliana's views on hate are basically what my Nan told me a long time ago and they helped me through a difficult period in my life._**

_**All reviews, and constructive criticism, gratefully received – but no flaming please; and I will try to update regularly.**_

**_WARNING: BAD LANGUAGE AND VIOLENCE, SO READ AT YOUR OWN PERIL. _**

'_**Thoughts'**_

"_**Speech"**_

_**-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-**_

_**LITTLE BIRD AND THE HAWK**_

**_Chapter Five – Torture_**

They rode in silence. Lancelot tried to reassure the obviously terrified woman "Jules, the soldiers you dealt with went south. They will not be at the wall."

I know.  
But…

You are still worried."

Aye.  
I am sorry.

"Do not be sorry, those damn bastards will not get near you girl!" barked Bors coming alongside, having heard Lancelot's side of the conversation "I'll rip their bloody throats out first; they will not even get to _look_ at you, let alone do aught else Birdie!"

Jules jumped when Bors spoke; he was immediately contrite "sorry, sorry – I keep doing this to you, you poor little wench." He mumbled.

They all watched as she went to put her hand out to him, it hovered over his arm and she gave one quick pat before snatching it back. Bors grinned as if she'd hugged him. The other knights too smiled; she was coming round to them, and she was a survivor – even though it appeared she didn't want to be.

Do I scare you?

She waved the tablet in Bors' face.

"Nay you do not, why would you? But bloody glad I am Arthur made me learn to read and write; otherwise you and me would be having problems about now, would we not?" He grinned.

Aye.  
This is one good thing I learnt.

Then:

You all are very good to me, why?

Bors looked confused. "I do not understand what you mean, Birdie?"

Why are you all good to me?

He looked at the other knights "Help us out, boys? She wants to why we are good to her."

Gawain rode slowly forward "In the beginning we felt sorry for you, - after that we were mad at what had happened to you. We do not like women, _anyone,_ being treated as you have. Now we like you; you are tough – like us." He smiled.

She snorted:

**I** am **NOT** tough.

"She does not think she is tough - Dagonet tell her what you told us." Gawain called.

"I told them you should be dead. By rights your injuries should have killed you, you certainly should not be recovering as quickly as you are."

I am a quick healer.  
I have learnt to deal with much over the years.  
It is not so bad, I have had worse.

Lancelot read it out loud from over her shoulder.She had a placid, accepting look on her face – the others were horrified; those three lines that spoke so much.

They all dropped back, deep in thought.

Arthur rode forward; "Jules? Do you hate me?" He had finally put a voice to the thought that had been bothering him.

She looked surprised:

**Nay**, indeed why would I?  
You scare me I admit that; not **you** exactly – but who you are and what you stand for.  
But I do **not** hate you.  
I do not hate anyone.

"I do not believe you!" Lancelot had been reading over her shoulder once more.

"What? What do you not believe?" Galahad was curious. Lancelot told him. "I have to agree with Lancelot. I would hate them; to the last fibre of my being, I would hate them."

Arthur however, looked thoughtful "Explain…."

She sighed deeply:

I was taught hate is a negative emotion.  
It eats you up from the inside out.  
It does nothing constructive; it does not affect those you hate.  
They do not care.

She patted down the wax carefully and started again, Lancelot reading out loud over her shoulder for the other knights to hear:

I learnt that it only breeds the need for revenge and retribution.  
You cannot always have either, so you fester in your need.  
Eventually you only succeed with destroying yourself, those you hate never know.  
They live on, uncaring.  
Worst of all? THEY WIN.

"You are wise beyond your years Jules. Those are words we could all live by." Arthur spoke. The others rode in silence, mulling it over.

She waved the tablet before him:

I did not say all that, I was told it.

"By whom?" Lancelot asked.

She sighed:

Someone close to me.  
Where I was kept.

"Where are they now?" Galahad asked, eager to see if there was someone they could fetch for her.

Dead.

"Who killed them?" Lancelot again.

My owner.  
He thought it would be fun to make me watch.  
He had him disembowelled before me.

Arthur swallowed deeply "why?"

My punishment for caring for them.  
For hoping.

"Hoping?"

Aye, hoping I would die soon; before I hated.  
He wanted to make me hate.  
I nearly did, the one he killed meant much to me.

"Who was it?"

My father.

Lancelot had been reading all this out, almost being her interpreter now for when she couldn't let them all see the tablet, his voice getting thicker with emotion. The last was whispered. Gawain and Bors at the back didn't hear him.

"_Who_?" Bors asked.

"HER BLOODY FATHER; THE BASTARDS GUTTED HER BLOODY _FATHER _RIGHT BEFORE HER – DID YOU HEAR ME NOW!"

She flinched at the anger he radiated; he spurred his horse and galloped from them.

I have angered him.  
I am sorry.  
I talk too much.

She showed it to Arthur; he went to speak, but his throat was constricted. He shook his head.

"What she say?" Gawain this time.

Galahad rode forward and read it out.

Gawain trotted down the line, "Nay, nay you did not." He went to pat her arm awkwardly, and then changed his mind, choosing to smile instead "He is upset about what happened. But it is good to talk, it helps us understand you.

Lancelot, well he is a bit of ladies man admittedly; charming, humorous, good looking. But underneath it all he has got a heart as a big as the fort itself. He is a big softie really; does not show it over often, but he is. Nasty on the battlefield mind, wields those two swords like a demon; but off it as soft as dough when he feels a wrong has been done or someone needs protecting or some such.

He has a soft spot for you, we all do. So when we hear, when _he_ hears, what you suffered he gets mad. Plus he hates Rome and the Church something fierce, so this is not helping him. But he is _not_ mad at _you_."

Tristan appeared then; Arthur rode forward "Did you hear?"

"I heard what Lancelot shouted; I was on my way back, I saw him and he told me the rest" the scout muttered calmly "I tried to calm him down but he wishes to take point for a while, sent me back with his apologies."

"It is understood and forgiven; it is trying for all of us – her most of all. Go to her."

Tristan nodded and let his horse fall in beside Jules. Her face lit up, and she patted his arm in pleasure. The other knights all smiled.

"Hello. Why are you riding?" He spoke gently to her, but glared accusingly at Dagonet.

"Do not blame me Tristan – blame her and Arthur. She wanted to and he let her."

"It is not right Juliana…."

She waved the tablet to shut him up and then wrote:

Jules or little bird, or even She glanced at Bors:  
Birdie.  
NOT Juliana - never again, Juliana.

Galahad was still reading it out. Bors grinned, "I think she likes me now!" he mumbled loudly to Dagonet.

Tristan sighed "Aye, agreed. So _Jules_…..why are you riding?"

She urged her horse forward, so they left Galahad behind. She explained to him what she had told Arthur.

"That will not help, they may respect you for doing this – but they will want to help you."

**My** decision.  
**My** wrong to right.  
**NO ONE** else's.  
You do not understand how you will be made to suffer.

"And what of you?"

**I** do not matter.  
I….

He butted in, putting his hand over the tablet, forcing her to look at him. "You _do_ matter, to all of us. _We _care…."

She sighed:

As do I.  
About all of you.  
But no one else will be made to suffer on my account.

She paused, then:

If it ever comes to it, you could _help_ me.  
But the deed must be mine Tristan, it _must_.

"We will see?"

We are going to the wall? She tried to change the subject:

To a _roman_ fort?

"Aye, but we will let no ill befall you."

I am alright.

Lancelot says the soldiers that…..hurt me went south.

"That is right. Rome appears to be withdrawing from Briton."

Good.

Let them return to _their _country, to butcher their own people.

The bitterness was in every word.

"Do you hate them?"

They had dropped back to the rest of the group. "She does not." Arthur offered, and explained what she had told him.

Tristan mulled it over "I see what you say. It is a constructive attitude."

She smiled:

My father was a very wise man.

She stopped and her hand trembled:

I loved him dearly.  
But he is with me still, in here. She pointed to her heart.

He thought she would cry, the emotion was there; but when he looked at her face, her eyes were dry.

"Have you ever cried?"

About what?

"The deaths of your babies, your father, your treatment, the pain; _any_ of it?"

My first baby.

"But naught else?"

Nay, what good would it serve?

"Who was the last they killed?"

My father.

"Before that?"

Please Tristan….

"Before that?"

Tristan…..please…I…

"_Before that?_" He pressed the point.

Galahad had begun to read it out again, since they had dropped back into the group – the other knights began to protest he was being cruel, even Arthur questioned his actions. But the scout ignored them.

"Before that?"

My last baby.  
The day before my father.

"Did you speak again?"

She rode silently for a moment:

The day after my father, I woke without my voice.

At last it all became clear – to see your fourth child then your father die, and as he did too, you should grieve. Cry, scream, rage, but at most she merely cried out for her child, for her father's death – but no grief. After her father, she had just shut down.

This was almost a nervous reaction to the extreme feelings she must have felt; to witness that butchery and not be able to prevent it or avenge it must have been terrible. Hence the fact she could scream out in her dreams, but not when awake.

Either way, it explained much "I see."

The other knights exchanged looks, a glimmer of understanding beginning to dawn on all of them.

0-0-0-0-0

They rode on until dark; Tristan and Jules in companionable silence; the other knights chatting amongst themselves.

When they decided to camp for the night, Lancelot had ridden back to tell them of a good place to stop. They set camp, and Jules slid gratefully from the saddle; she looked drained, and the knights knew what it had cost her to ride that distance.

She sat at the fire, instead of instantly retreating to the wagon; and though she could not eat with them, she could only sip milk as her mouth hurt too much to chew, she sat with them and that meant much to the men that had taken her into their inner circle.

0-0-0-0-0-0

Later that evening, she retired to the wagon; leaving the men to talk about the day's events.

Lancelot, however, sat staring moodily into the fire. Tristan sat next to him, after ensuring that Jules had settled alright.

"How fares she?" asked the dark knight without looking up.

"Better…I think you all helped her this day."

"How can we truly _help_ her Tristan? Apart from tracking the animal that did this to her and doing all what Bors suggested, what can we do to genuinely aid her?" He sounded desperate.

"Let her 'talk', it will help her to truly comprehend all that has befallen her."

"And the good of that?"

"She may yet speak again."

"But yet she may not."

"True." The scout shrugged "But whatever happens she is amongst friends now."

Lancelot looked at him then "Aye, she is."

"Then that is more than she had two days ago."

They sat there mulling it over.

0-0-0-0-0-0

An hour later an ear-splitting scream rent the air; Tristan was already up and moving.

"NAY, NAY! PLEASE I BEG YOU – I BEG YOU DO NOT DO THAT TO ME AGAIN" She screamed again "PLEASE, I _BEG_ YOU; IT _HURTS_ ME….…IT HURTS SO MUCH!"

Another scream rent the air as Tristan leapt into the wagon "PLEASE, OH PLEASE LEAVE HIM BE! DO IT THEN, DO WHAT YOU WILL WITH ME….ONLY SPARE _HIM_. I WILL NOT HATE - I WILL _NOT_, I WILL NOT! HE WOULD NOT WISH IT SO; I WILL NOT BETRAY HIM…I _CANNOT_! WHY DO YOU LAUGH! _WHY_!"

The other knights stood rooted to the spot in horror. Their minds wondering what butchery and brutality had caused her to beg to be spared only to put herself in harms way to save another, probably her father.

Lancelot ground his boot into the dirt as another scream rent the air "This is madness…." He growled.

"There is naught we can do." Said Arthur.

"DO YOU NOT THINK I _KNOW _THAT!"

"Hush, hush!" said Dagonet "How can you expect Tristan to calm her with us shouting out here?"

Lancelot nodded abruptly, taking a deep breath to calm his temper. "If I _ever_ find out who did this….." he hissed.

"You will be in the queue behind me" Arthur's voice broke in quietly.

"You would kill your own countrymen, your fellow believers?" asked Lancelot in disbelief.

"Aye, because they would be naught to me; and I would know I would be consigning a demon to hell and nothing more." He was quiet, but a creeping anger ran through his voice.

Lancelot walked to him "I hate Rome and I hate the Church!"

"I know, my friend, I know" Arthur sighed deeply "at times like this so do I."

0-0-0-0-0-0

As he entered the wagon Tristan saw Jules crouched once again in the corner, rocking back and forth; her knees tight to her chest, arms around them – seeming to do her best to fold herself into a small ball. She screamed and raged, pleaded and begged; but it was her screams of pain at some remembered torture, that was to her at this moment so real, that tugged at the heart the most.

He had a suspicion who she would sacrifice herself so willingly for only moments after begging to be spared; indeed her words spoke for themselves. He tried his best to calm her; but she would have none of it, locked as she was in the horror of her mind. He had to admit this was by far much worse than the first nightmare.

"Please, please let me die – let me DIE! I _WANT_ TO DIE!" She screamed "I AM IN _HELL_!" DO NOT _MOCK_ ME, DO NOT LAUGH; JUST.LET.ME._DIE_!" He heard the audible gasps outside.

Once again Tristan tried to again soothe her; once again he seemed to only cause her more distress. She tried to move away, shaking her head at him. Her eyes though open and staring at him; were not seeing him he knew, but another, someone who delighted in torture, who delighted in all sorts of butchery against her.

"Little bird - little bird will you not come to your hawk? Let me help you. Please little bird, let your hawk help you; will I not always be here for you, my little bird?" he murmured in that sing-song voice he usually reserved for sick animals.

Gradually she calmed down; though the rocking continued, he finally managed to put his hand on her foot. She looked down, then up - her eyes connected with his, she crawled over to him. She was trembling so much it was pitiful to see but he, and those outside, heard it….her final spoken words that night…..

"I am sorry father..…I am so very sorry…..I failed you….I could not save you…I failed you."


	6. The Fort

**_Disclaimer: Same as Chapter 1 - so _please,_ for the love of _God,_ don't keep making me write it out people:O)_**

_**All reviews, and constructive criticism, gratefully received – but no flaming please; and I will try to update regularly.**_

**_WARNING: BAD LANGUAGE AND VIOLENCE, SO READ AT YOUR OWN PERIL. _**

'_**Thoughts'**_

"_**Speech"**_

_**-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-**_

_**LITTLE BIRD AND THE HAWK**_

**_Chapter Six – The Fort_**

Tristan rocked her himself and gradually she began to realise where she was, though she still clung to him like a drowning man to a rock.

As her trembling subsided, he asked her "Can you speak?"

She opened her mouth but no words came; her face contorted in frustration, he rocked her again "hush, hush; tis well, all is well and naught to worry for; one day, you will speak one day yet."

They sat like this for some time; eventually he heard a cough from outside "She is faring better now Arthur; but I think it best I be with her."

"Aye, I will tell the others." There was a pause "it is bad, is it not Tristan?"

"Aye, it is bad Arthur."

The scout heard a sigh "Goodnight Tristan."

"Goodnight." He turned to Jules "There, they are all to bed now. We are the only ones awake. Will you not tell me what happened that you go through Hades each and every night?"

She mutely shook her head, closing her eyes and burying her head in his shoulder. "Alright, alright; I'll not push."

He laid her down on the furs, pulling one up over her. He went to move away, but she would not release his hand. "If we lay like this I will press your back and it will pain you, so let loose my hand." He tugged gently, but she tightened her grip.

He sighed "So be it." He lay down, pulling the pelt over them both. She did not flinch; in fact she pushed back towards him and pulled his arm round her further. She pulled it to her face and rubbed the back of his hand against her cheek, like a beaten dog seeking comfort.

Tristan's heart lurched at the thought, but he would not give into sentimentality. He liked her, of course he did. But she would need to be with one like Lancelot, passionate, not him…… he was dead to all save his brother knights.

But she stirred something in him he thought long dead. He could not think about it, for down that road lay madness; he was angry enough about all she had suffered, to care more for her ….…….. She sighed and snuggled against him, breaking his train of thought.

Still, she was a pathetic little creature; and yet he knew her tribe were strong within her. One day she would fight back, and on that day there would come a reckoning. That day _they_ would ride with her, there would finally be retribution; and on thatday he would take a _deep_ pleasure in the kill.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0

The next morning they went through the same ritual as they had before. But she calmed down faster and seemed to register her surroundings more quickly; he was pleased that they seemed to be making at least a little headway.

She refused to travel in the wagon; she would not be a burden.

She got stiffly onto the horse once more; Lancelot rode up as Tristan looked at her. She nodded at him and he rode off. "You like him?"

Out came the trusty tablet and stylus:

Aye, there is naught not to like.

"He is so silent, and loves his own company. Never bothers with anyone but us."

She nodded:

Mayhap.  
But he is a good man.

"And your favourite among us."

She never replied, but she blushed.

Lancelot looked closely at her, the swelling on her face was going down; her eyes were now only a little swollen, though still very black. He knew her other injuries were healing also; he could see she would be a pretty woman when she was fully healed.

He smiled at her; she would fit the scout well. He started thinking…..

"What are you up to Lancelot?" Asked Gawain, riding past.

"Naught, not as yet anyhow; I will help when needed."

"As will we all!" replied Gawain forcefully, thinking he was talking of revenge on Jules' tormentor.

0-0-0-0-0-0

They rode through the day; only stopping for food and Tristan then returned briefly. All the knights exchanged looks as he arrived; he never usually ate with them if he was on the trail.

He stopped to speak with Arthur and then came straight to Jules. Her face lit up as it always did when she saw him now. As he sat, she patted his arm with glee.

"How fare you?" he smiled, genuinely touched at her happiness at seeing him.

Well.  
You?

"I am well."

They sat in companionable silence, whilst they ate.

"I see you can eat a little."

My mouth is not so sore.

She tried to smile.

"Not very chatty are they?" commented Bors with a grin.

"They are happy like that." Shrugged Dagonet.

After they had eaten, Tristan left again to continue scouting ahead.

Will we be there soon?

"Where?" he said as he mounted, glancing at the tablet.

The fort.

"Aye."

She looked down at the ground; he leant low in his saddle and lifted her head. "I will return before then, and you will enter with all of us by your side Jules. You will not have cause to fear."

She nodded; smiling gratefully at him, she grasped his hand rubbing it against her cheek. He felt his heart lurch again, but ignored it.

0-0-0-0-0-0

They rode on through the afternoon. She wrote less and became more detached the closer they got to the fort.

Tristan returned a few hours before they reached the wall; they were in familiar territory now and no longer needed him to scout ahead. He rode alongside Jules, studying her closely.

Lancelot rode up, and murmured "Is she well? She has been like this all afternoon."

"Like what?"

"Completely detached –like she is not even here."

Tristan looked at Jules again "Nay, she is not here."

"What?"

"Look at her eyes; she is anywhere but here with us. It is her way of coping."

"I do not understand…." The dark knight was confused.

"Remember when you used to daydream in training?"

"Aye, too well – mayhap more the beatings I gained for doing so."

"Well, it is like that; only she has obviously been doing it for other reasons and for longer. It would like you doing it to not remember the beatings themselves.

Before Lancelot could reply the tablet waved in their faces:

I am mute, not deaf.  
But Tristan is right.  
My mind was one escape they could not stop.

She smiled sadly.

Lancelot rubbed a hand over his eyes; every time she wrote, she unwittingly revealed a fresh reason for your heart to break for her.

"What she write?" asked Bors. Lancelot read it. "Aww Birdie! We knows you are not deaf – he is just an idiot." He tried joking with her, and for the first time she didn't flinch at the larger than life knight when he rode alongside. He beamed at the others "I do think she likes me now!"

Aye.  
You are nice.  
Big, VERY loud, but nice.

She quickly gave his arm a single pat again.

"You do not pat _my_ arm!" cried Lancelot in mock indignation "I feel hurt now, slighted even!"

"Why would she pat _your_ arm? I am _nice_, she has not said that about _you_!" Gloated Bors with a grin.

She suddenly looked worried; Tristan shook his head and leant to her ear "They are jesting only."

She relaxed:

I see.  
Are they always like this?

"Aye, tonight at the tavern they will be worse."

She stiffened so suddenly that all saw it:

A tavern?

"Aye, what of it?"

"What is she saying?" asked Bors, so Lancelot began to read it out.

Roman soldiers and a tavern.

The stylus tapped the edge of the tablet nervously for a few moments:

I see.  
Where will I hide?

"You will not have to, why would you?"

They will be drunk.

"Probably; so will this lot."

She stopped writing, and started staring into space again; but they could see she was shaking like a leaf.

"I do not like this Tristan." said Lancelot, shaking his head.

"Well, it is yet another piece in the puzzle."

"How so?"

"Obviously they did more damage to her when they were drunk, than sober."

"Oh…." The dark knight paused for a moment "maybe I will give it a miss tonight."

"I will stay with her; she will be safe."

"Aye, I know; but she is only just accepting us, I do not want to frighten her by getting drunk."

The others agreed; Arthur looked round at his men and his brothers, for that was what they were to him, and could not have been more proud. He knew what their entertainment at the tavern meant to them after a long haul such as this one. He grinned at them "Then the tavern will be out of business by tomorrow!"

Laughter rang round them as the knights jeered him – except one; Tristan's eyes were fixed on Jules.

She did not see - her mind had once again taken her away from the terrors that haunted her; into the trees, along the trails, anywhere but heading to a fort full of drunken Roman soldiers.

Tristan wondered again at the brutality that had helped her hone this skill; to run away in her mind from what her body was suffering.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0

The fort soon loomed into view. She was still staring vacantly around her; but as the wall loomed large ahead of them, she could no longer ignore it. She was now trembling severely and was gripping the reins and her tablet so tightly her knuckles were white.

Arthur gave the signal as they rode up to open the gates. The men on the tower looked perplexed at the commander bringing in a battered woman with him; but, on seeing the glares from his knights, they knew better than to comment.

Jules was now in paroxysms of terror; she was starting to have trouble breathing, everywhere she looked there were Romans, and they had not yet even reached the fort.

Tristan could stand it no longer; he brought his horse level to hers took her by the waist and hauled her onto his horse in front of him, wrapping his arms tightly about her. He knew from her nightmares she would ignore any pain his actions would cause.

"You will be safe with your hawk, my little bird." He whispered in her ear. She sagged against him; dipping her head to the side to rest on his shoulder and pulling his cloak over her to cover her face and, he felt, to hide.

Gawain rode up and took her horse "Is she alright?" he asked concerned.

Tristan shook his head "Nay, far from it."

All the knights exchanged looks and changed formation. Instead of riding in twos as usual, they moved Tristan and Jules to the middle and basically surrounded them with Arthur at point.

"We will take care of our Birdie" whispered Bors, leaning over to the terrified girl.

She moved her head slightly in thanks. The tablet still gripped in white knuckled hands, causing the knights' hearts to break anew.

It was when they went through the fort's gate that the duty soldiers made a fundamental error; on so _many_ levels.

"Coo, Tristan you got a nice bit of flesh there! Let us have a go when you are finished? I could do with a good bit of rump to keep my lap warm!" One roared turning to his friend; only to find himself instead face to face with a furious Lancelot on his horse, and both his swords at the ready to take his head.

Tristan felt her flinch at the man's words, and begin to tremble even more; he glared at the soldier – his hand fingering the dagger in his boot.

Arthur looked round and saw everything unravelling; the other knights, with the exception of Tristan, were moving forward to aid Lancelot. But he knew the scout could kill the man with a dagger throw from three times the distance he was at now. Three days of pent up anger and hatred of all things roman were finally being given an outlet.

"If you ever speak about her like that again I will cut you down where you stand, you bastard piece of roman crap!_" _Lancelot hissed at the terrified man.

"Let us practice my ideas on _him_." Leered Bors.

Even the usually calm Dagonet had nudged his horse forward giving a few practice swings of his axe; Gawain and Galahad were also glaring and brandishing their weapons.

Before Arthur could do or say anything the tablet was thrust in his face."She says: Do NOT…"

"What?" All heads turned to her, allowing the man to try to escape only to be grabbed by Bors.

They saw her shaking her head under Tristan's cloak.

She wrote again:

I am well, very well.  
**Please**.

They could see her taking big breaths to stay calm….."You are _not_ 'very well'!" ground out Lancelot, after Arthur read it.

A hand reached out and patted his arm trying to calm him, but he could see it shaking and was not reassured.

"You are on report." Arthur said to the soldier "You will be docked a week's pay. Hopefully that will cool your ardour."

The man was only happy to be alive, he knew what vicious fighters the Sarmatian knights were; he ran off without a backward glance.

"Come knights!" They regrouped around Tristan again and went directly to their stables, Jols opened the doors and they rode straight in. He was a little surprised, especially to see Tristan with a battered woman clinging to him as if her very life depended on it, but said nothing.

Tristan helped her down as Arthur explained all to Jols. Like the knights, the steward's heart went out to the young woman.

Tristan turned to Arthur "She cannot stay here – I will take her to my room. It is on the second floor, so no easy access."

His commander and friend nodded "Go."

The scout swept her up into his arms and strode away with her.

Arthur watched them leave. He turned to the other men; "Look, I know this is going to be hard. But do you honestly think it is going to help her killing or getting into a brawl with every Roman soldier that even takes a deep breath near her?"

"He did more than take a bloody deep breath!" exclaimed Lancelot angrily.

"I know, I know. But we must try and get control; I want the one responsible for this, the soldiers got away – and those here may be _like_ them, but they are _not_ them. I do not want the one who owned her to be forgotten because we are too busy settling scores with this scum on the side. Agreed?"

The others nodded reluctantly. Arthur sighed "Good. Because _that _bastard is the one I want….."

0-0-0-0-0-0-0

Tristan brought her to his room, kicking open the door he strode in. He sat her on the bed, pulling his cloak from her face in doing so.

He crouched in front of her "Alright? It is over now, they are gone."

She nodded. He had to peel her hands away from the tablet. Her fingers bent to hold the board so tightly they were almost seized. She had wrecked it; the wax was not so good from over use anyway, but her fingers were almost buried in it now - though they would at least be able to keep her supplied with new ones in future.

She looked at him earnestly and then wrote:

I am sorry to be such a burden.  
To cause so much concern.

"It was not your doing he was there. I will get you another tablet; a new one." He went to leave. She grabbed his hand, eyes wide and frightened, shaking her head.

"I will return; it will be but a moment."

She sat there after he had gone. She looked round the room and saw a chair in the corner; taking it she wedged it under the handle with shaking hands. Before going back to the bed and lying down; wide terrified eyes fixed on the door……...


	7. Pain & Grieving

**_Disclaimer: Same as Chapter 1 - so _please,_ for the love of _God,_ don't keep making me write it out people:O)__ Tabiti is a genuine Sarmatian name I found on the internet._**

_**All reviews, and constructive criticism, gratefully received – but no flaming please; and I will try to update regularly.**_

**_WARNING: BAD LANGUAGE AND VIOLENCE, SO READ AT YOUR OWN PERIL. _**

'_**Thoughts'**_

"_**Speech"**_

_**-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-**_

_**LITTLE BIRD AND THE HAWK**_

**_Chapter Seven – Pain and Grieving_**

When Tristan returned a few minutes later, he could not open the door. He jiggled the handle, but it would not budge. "Jules? JULES! Open the door! JULES! OPEN THE DOOR!"

The other knights heard and came out of the stables, Lancelot looked up "What is it!"

"I cannot open the door!"

They all ran up the stairs; Gawain stopped and looked through the window, as the others crowded round the door. "Oh, _Goddess_" the horror in his voice caused the others to turn and make for the window too.

Tristan pushed past them and peered in - Jules was lying on the bed; glassy eyed, scratching her arm with her fingernails; blood seeped out of the many angry red welts she had made.

"We have to get in there!" Lancelot could not believe what happening "What in the name of Hades is blocking the damn door!"

Even Tristan could not believe what he was witnessing "I should never have left her….."

"Dagonet!" Arthur called; the large knight took his axe to the door, two blows and it crumbled. They raced in……

"Jules, Jules! What are you doing to yourself?" Tristan pulled her into his arms, hugging her tightly.

She went rigid "Get away from me! Leave me alone! What care you of aught I do! Or are you only angered you did not think of it first!"

He sighed as she pushed him off and scuttled back against the wall "She is asleep."

"You killed my babies - you killed your _own_ children! What kind of monster are you!" she hissed.

"I will _NOT_ cry; I will never grieve them, for you can never hurt them again, no matter what you do to me – _they_ are safe now, they are _free_!" she crowed triumphantly even as her voice held barely checked tears.

"I will not mourn…..NEVER!" she stared round at them, seeing others in their place whose only joy was to torment and abuse her "I WILL _NEVER_ SHED A TEAR!"

For the knights, suddenly everything clicked into place.

"We have to make her cry." Tristan sighed, trying to get close enough to bring her back to them; keeping his eyes on her.

"_What_!" cried Lancelot.

"You heard her, _this _is the problem; she will continue to relive this piece of Hades, unless we can make her grieve their loss."

"He is right Lancelot" said Gawain, "It makes sense. She almost vowed she would not grieve for those she loved and lost, so this is her mind's only way of making her. Surely to cry is better than this daily horror?"

The knights all stood around. Tristan's quiet words soothed her, and eventually she scooted over to him and allowed him to envelop her in his arms.

He rested his head on hers and when he felt she was calm enough asked "can you speak?" The question was now becoming a familiar ritual between them.

Her mouth opened, but no sound came out once again; "tis well, all is well and naught to worry for" he rocked her while she clung to him "one day, you will speak one day yet." Dry eyes maybe, but they could see the despair written all over her face.

Tristan helped her to stand, after a few minutes of hugging her to him, and it appeared to the other knights that both parted reluctantly.

Vanora came running in, followed by all the children "Well my lover, you have returned to me - at bloody last!" She laughed happily.

Bors swept her into a heartfelt embrace "I love you, you and the little bastards, you know that right!" he whispered urgently into her ear.

She drew back "What is it? What has happened?" she was concerned now, turned and quickly did a headcount of the knights, only when she knew they were all there did she turn back to Bors. Tears sparkled in the big man's eyes; he pointed towards Tristan, who turned round to reveal Jules.

"Dear Goddess! Oh my dear girl, what in the name of all the Heavens happened to you, you poor sweet maid!" Vanora rushed to hug the girl.

"If we told you Vanora, you would want to kill every Roman here as we do…" hissed Lancelot as she passed.

She shot the dark knight a worried look, and took a glance round at all the stony faces – _'this was bad; whatever it was, it was very bad.'_

As she encircled the girl in a hug, she felt her body stiffen and so backed away. "She cannot speak, except in nightmares and Tristan is the only one who can touch her" muttered Galahad staring at the floor.

The tablet came out, the mangled wax on the only one making one final comment:

I am sorry.  
I am not used to affection.  
I do not mean offence.

Tears immediately sprang to the older woman's eyes, she patted her awkwardly on the shoulder "well, there, you will get used to it here – This lot are lovely really, and I need another woman round me as a friend." She smiled.

Jules glanced at her in the eyes, tried to smile and then hesitantly patted her arm before returning her gaze to below eye level.

"You jammy cow, Van; it took three days for her to do that to me!" Called Bors with a grin, proud as punch that his lover was accepted by their birdie immediately.

"She _still_ has not done it to me!" complained Galahad, grinning.

"Nor me, come to think it!" Called Gawain.

"Boys, boys – you know I am her favourite!" Laughed Lancelot.

"Excuse me; I was the first one after Tristan and Dag that she liked!" Butted in Bors.

Tristan watched the interaction between his brother knights, all trying to lighten her spirits and the mood in the room; she was looking at them all and smiling, as best she could at least – her trembling was also waning. He just wished the smile would reach her eyes; though he acknowledged it did when she looked at him. Of all of them, he knew she trusted him the most.

"Come, let her rest…." They all filed out; Arthur turned "You will not leave her again?"

"Nay."

"Good." Once outside he turned to the others, "We need to rearrange our sleeping quarters, make sure we are all up here. He cannot be expected to cope with this alone."

They nodded "Not you though Bors – these are single rooms, you would never cope with your brood up here." the knight went to protest, but Arthur pressed on "if anything happens to Jules, we will fetch you - agreed?" The other knight reluctantly nodded.

Leading Vanora away Bors began to tell her the tale of how they found the battered woman and her story…..

0-0-0-0-0-0-0

"We will move to the next room along for this night. The door will be fixed by evening on the morrow." Tristan indicated the now smashed remnants.

As they walked along the corridor, her eyes were everywhere. Every noise, every laugh from the tavern made her jump; she clutched his hand so tight he felt she was cutting off the circulation. It was with relief she entered the new room and shut door.

He sat her on the bed and hunkered down in front her "Do not _ever_ do that again. We could not get into you."

Her eyes widened, she picked up the new tablet:

I am **SO **sorry Tristan.  
I was scared.  
I…

He put his hand over the tablet, she looked at him "it matters naught; just never bar the door against me."

She nodded. He sat down on the bed, his back against the wall and she snuggled up to him, her head in his lap and stroked her hair as he looked down at her "You have to grieve Jules, you have to mourn their passing. It is not healthy not to."

She sat up:

What have I said?

He told her…..She closed her eyes, and then wrote:

I would not let him break me and make me grieve.  
He would laugh all the more when I cried.

He picked up her wrist and showed her the wounds "_you_ did this Jules. Why?"

I do not know.  
I used to do it in the pit.

He inspected her arms further; there were scars all over them "This is not the first time."

Nay.

He hugged her tightly to him; the pain from her loss, from the treatment she suffered must be a thousand times worse than the physical pain. He could not imagine that kind of suffering. He felt her tugging his arm, and looked down into her black/brown eyes and battered face, now full of worry and concern.

The then tablet was shoved up to his face:

Are you mad?  
Do you hate me for my weakness?

He shook his head "I could never hate you Jules. None of us could. I just want to help you; unless you grieve them this nightmare will never end for you. I understand why you would not grieve for them with him...but you are with us now. We would not think any less of you."

She remained unconvinced.

I do not think I would know how to weep, to grieve.  
It has been so long.  
I have grown used to the pain.  
Grown used to always being alone.

She laid her head back on his lap, he was stroking her hair as he sighed "My sister died of a fever when she was three and I was nine. I doted on her; I could not accept she had gone. A simple fever, and like a puff of wind she was no more. For months I did not cry, did not mourn her passing."

She sat up and showed him the tablet:

Did you grieve in the end?

"Aye, but by then something had died in me."

She patted his face with her hand, trying to comfort him. Sitting closer she kneeled up and put her arms round his neck and hugged him. It was the first voluntary show of affection from her; usually it was her trying to gain comfort and security.

He put his arms round her waist and hugged her back. He was still telling himself that such sentimentality was nonsense, but also knew he was strangely taking comfort himself from the contact.

After some minutes she was hugging him even tighter and he realised he had closed his eyes and was leaning into the embrace, burying his head in her neck….inhaling her scent……. He sat back abruptly; she looked at him in concern:

Did I do wrong?

"Nay, it is only I should not crowd you like that."

I trust you.

He looked at the wax tablet; one line, three little words - and yet they meant the world from her. She who had been abused so, that she should let her guard down with him – allow him to be the one she gave so much to.

He sighed "Then let me help you….."

How?

"You have to cry…grieve."

I DO NOT KNOW HOW!

She stood and began pacing. There was a knock "It is Arthur, can I come in?"

Tristan strode across and flung wide the door "what?"

"Umm, we were all going to eat together at Bors, why not bring Jules?" He was a little nonplussed at the annoyance in the scout's eyes and the abruptness of his tone.

The knight rolled his eyes "We would have to pass the tavern."

"Oh. Well, maybe we could eat at the round table?"

"Right…..five minutes?"

"I will tell Bors."

Tristan returned to Jules "I am sorry; I am pushing too hard. We willl leave this now and go eat with the others, agreed?"

She nodded and smiled; she raised her hand and caressed his cheek her eyes meeting his. A look passed between them and he nodded. They had an understanding, she would try.

0-0-0-0-0-0

As they entered the room Vanora stood holding a blue dress; it was one of her old ones, but still very serviceable and would look lovely on Jules.

"Here, you can put this on." She smiled. Everyone could see Jules start to panic; Van was confused "What have I done wrong?"

Jules motioned for Van to come to her.

"What is she saying?" asked Bors, as they watched Jules scribble on the new tablet, so Vanora read it out:

Naught wrong.  
You are as kind as they.  
But….I….

"You do not want to wear a dress?"

Nay.

She continued writing, and then showed Van with a sad smile. "Oh my little bird, you poor little sparrow!" Van felt the tears spring to her eyes.

"What is she _saying_ woman!" cried Bors in frustration.

Van swallowed and read aloud from the wooden board in her hands

I like breeches.  
I can run faster in them.  
And they are harder to remove, I can fight longer.

The meaning behind the words hit all of the knights like a physical blow. "Well, then you wear what you like our little birdie" said Bors gruffly.

They sat down to eat and passed an enjoyable evening; but every so often they would catch her staring into space.

"Did you have a big family?" Van asked, sitting next to her. Then read out her replies for Bors who she knew would be listening.

Nay.

"How many?"

There were four of us.  
Mother, father, me and Tabiti.

"Tabiti?"

My little sister.  
She was four years younger than I.

Tristan looked up – he and all the other knights, including Arthur, were now listening intently to the conversation; not just Bors.

"You were all taken as slaves?"

Nay, our owner picked the ones he wanted.If any refused, the village was forfeit.

How old were you?"

I was 10.  
Tabiti was 6.

"What happened to them?"

Dead.

"All?"

Aye.  
Mother died in childbirth.  
Our owner's baby – my half brother lived for a few minutes before he killed him.  
My father was killed last summer.  
My sister was raped to death at 15.

Van sat open mouthed in horror, her voice trailing off at the end….Jules painstakingly patted down the wax:

I could not save them.  
I wished only to join them.  
But the Goddess would not let me.  
It seems I am to survive; the pain in here She indicated her heart:  
It is bad.  
As if it is being torn from me.

She shrugged. Lancelot stood and strode out; she looked round in surprise, so intent had she been in talking to Van. She motioned to Arthur, who was going after him, to sit.

I will go.  
I want to speak with him.  
His anger is not worthy of him; he is a good man.

She motioned them to stay as she walked outside; but she could not see him, it was dark and she began to panic.

She turned to go back inside when she collided with someone. She screamed……at least in her mind she screamed, but no sound came from her mouth.


	8. Fighting Back

**_Disclaimer: Same as Chapter 1 - so _please,_ for the love of _God,_ don't keep making me write it out people:O)__ Alim is Arabic for learned, expert and scholar. As the Iazyges tribe was based in what is now part of Iran, I felt it sort of fitted – that and her father was a teacher of the art of fighting._**

_**All reviews, and constructive criticism, gratefully received – but no flaming please; and I will try to update regularly.**_

**_WARNING: BAD LANGUAGE AND VIOLENCE, SO READ AT YOUR OWN PERIL. _**

'_**Thoughts'**_

"_**Speech"**_

_**-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-**_

_**LITTLE BIRD AND THE HAWK**_

**_Chapter Eight – Fighting Back_**

She screamed; in her mind she screamed, but no sound came from her mouth.

Two strong arms enveloped her as she struggled furiously "hush, hush, it is only me." Tristan's voice soothed her. "I am sorry; I did not mean to frighten you."

Immediately she quieted and turned to snuggle into his arms; the one place in the entire world where she truly felt safe.

She had dropped the tablet and stylus in her fright, so he released her to pick them up. However, she did not release him; she hung onto his arm until he straightened and then she all but burrowed into his chest once more, causing his arms to almost involuntarily wrap round her again.

He could feel her shivering, and mentally berated himself for being such a dolt as to not realise that she might not have heard him behind her.

"Did you see him?"

He felt her shake her head.

"He will be in the stables then. Do you want me to come with you? I could wait outside if you wished to speak alone."

She nodded.

As they walked; they heard a loud shout. "There they are! Let us see if those two are so brave without the rest of them arsehole Sarmatian _pigs_!" It was the soldier from earlier, only now he was drunk and he had drunken company with him.

"Oh, a nice bit of arse for afters boys! Of course I get first turn! Ye Gods, the face is a mess – still with her skirts up over it I doubt I will care overmuch!" They all roared with laughter.

Tristan pushed Jules behind him; he sent out a low whistle, as he did so he heard light footsteps, then a swish of air past his ear as one of his daggers buried itself in the soldier's throat. It was a perfect shot; he was drowning in his own blood as he hit the floor.

The other soldiers backed up when they saw Arthur and the other knights running towards them. One lunged at Jules and before anyone could react she had snatched Lancelot's blades from his hands as he had approached from the stables, and cut the man's head off with a precise scissor action as he came at her.

The others had rapidly ran, this was _not_ what they had come along for. A bit of drunken fun mayhap, but _not _death; they quickly scattered, leaving their dead fellows on the ground.

All eyes now turned to Jules who had collapsed shaking to the floor. Tristan went straight to her, as Lancelot carefully removed his blades from her shaking hands – both had seen the undisguised fury in her eyes as she had dealt the death blow.

It would seem the little bird had claws as sharp as the hawk.

Bors retrieved the dagger out of the throat of the first corpse. "Did you throw it? It did not look like you had." He asked Tristan.

"Nay, Jules did."

"It was a perfect shot - missed your ear and everything." He grinned.

"She took his head off with one clean strike…" Galahad spoke with awed admiration.

"She was not jesting when she said she could use twin blades" Murmured Lancelot to Tristan "I have never seen anyone use these blades that effectively before, except for myself."

They all looked at the dead men "Of course it would have helped if she had only maimed them…." Whispered Jols to Vanora.

Arthur came to a decision "Jols get the blood cleared up, I want no trace of it left. Bors, you and Dag get the bodies into the woods. As far as anyone is concerned they were attacked by Woads or the like."

"What about the others?"

"They will not admit a woman terrified them enough to run – especially one such as Jules. It would belittle them in the eyes of their comrades. Tristan take her back upstairs, I will be along shortly."

The scout nodded and picked the silent woman up into his arms.

Lancelot followed and handed Tristan her tablet and stylus. "I think she is winning." He smiled at the scout.

"Mayhap; either way, it is a start." Tristan shrugged. But deep down he agreed with his friend; she was beginning to fight back.

0-0-0-0-0-0

They reached the room and once again Tristan found himself kicking open the door and laying Jules on the bed. Only this time he did not leave.

"Are you with me?" He knelt in front of her, she was still staring vacantly into space "Little bird, are you going to talk to your hawk?" He lifted her chin with his finger.

She looked into his dark brown eyes, and then flung her arms round his neck; burying her head in his shoulder, she clung to him.

He hugged her tightly to him. Murmuring nothings into her ear; calming her, soothing her – just trying to let her know it was alright; that she had done naught wrong.

After many minutes like this he was once again the one to break the embrace. "Are you well?"

She picked up the tablet:

I thought they would hurt you.  
I could not allow it.

"And of what of you?"

I do not matter.  
I was only concerned for you.  
I….

He put his hand over the tablet "You DO matter, how many more times will you have to be told?"

I matter not as much as you do to me.

He smiled and leaned forward; enveloping her in a hug. "Well, you matter to me to – so enough of this."

She pushed him gently away:

I am sorry Tristan.  
I did not think about what I was doing.

He brushed the hair out of her eyes "Not as much as we would have if they had stayed their ground. There would have been a lot more bodies to be rid of."

Will Arthur be very angry?

"He would not be disposing of the bodies if he were. We would all be made to face the consequences."

What of the others?

"He thinks they will not let on they were scared and two of their number killed by a beaten woman." He smiled again "Who taught you to throw a dagger and wield two swords like that?"

My father.  
He was the best in our territory.  
Many came to learn from him: Aorsi's, Alan's, and even some Rhoxolani's.  
He could almost hear the pride.

"Was your father called Alim?"

Aye, he was.

"He was a good man and a fine teacher. He tutored some from my village; they returned as excellent warriors. I never met him, but heard stories of him."

She patted his cheek:

Thank you, he would be proud to hear you speak so.  
I still miss him.  
I miss them all.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0

A few minutes later there was a knock at the door. Tristan let Arthur in. The commander saw the look of trepidation in her eyes and held up his hands "I am not angry Jules. But I do need to know what happened."

She left out about bumping into Tristan and getting upset, in case Arthur got cross at him; she told them how he was escorting her to see Lancelot when the soldiers came at them.

"What do you mean?"

Tristan intervened and told him what the first soldier had said. "I let out the whistle to call you; I heard you come running and then my dagger whistled past my ear, followed a few minutes later by the head of the other soldier rolling across the ground in front of me."

I thought he would hurt Tristan.  
I could not allow that.  
I saw Tristan's dagger in his boot, so I threw it.  
The other one lunged at me, and so I took Lancelot's swords.

"I see; then their fate was well deserved. Thank you." he smiled ruefully "There will be no more need to worry; I doubt the others will tangle with us again." he left.

Tristan turned to her "See?" She nodded and yawned. "You are tired. You should rest." He pushed her gently back onto the bed.

She clutched his arm:

You will not leave?

"Nay, not again."

He went to sit in the chair; she grabbed his hand shaking her head:

Why not with me?

"You should have your space." He would not admit even to himself that his feelings for her were changing. Slowly, inexorably they were changing into something deeper; something he could do without. Being pressed against her warm body night after night, feeling her breathing as she took comfort from his closeness, smelling the scent of her all night; it was becoming more than he could stand.

But she looked so imploringly at him that he sighed and lay down; trying to keep some space between their bodies. But Jules would have none of it.

She turned to face him burrowed into his arms and rested her head on his shoulder, her mouth just inches from his. Tristan let her snuggle against him, held her tight until her breathing slowed and she slept.

He closed his eyes and willed himself to sleep, but her warm breath fanned his cheek; he tried to ignore it…..but there it was - cool air in, warm air out - moving over his skin. He tried to move his head, but she was clamped to him.

He looked at her sleeping face; despite her injuries he could see she was a pretty woman. Younger than him mayhap; but so much suffering, and yet still she trusted him.

Trust was hard won with Tristan; the only things he trusted in this world were his brother knights, his horse and his hawk, and not necessarily in that order. So to know she trusted him above all others, felt comfortable with him; it made him…..What? Content? Aye, that was a good word for it; he would not think of others.

Look at them now, her cradled in his arms when the others could barely pat her hand or come near her.

He looked at her - studying her face; every mark, every bruise. He saw she had a scar at the edge of her right eye, which pulled it down slightly. His lips were so near it………..they very gently touched the little white line. She shifted slightly; he thought she would move away, but if anything she moved closer.

His lips were now at the corner of her mouth, all he would have to do was…… he snapped himself back; this was madness! He had known her four days; just _four days_. This was just sentimental rubbish - but she touched him, to his very core and in a way he could not explain. It did not feel like it was only four days, mayhap it was because they had hardly been apart in that time but……

_But_…..he could no more resist the urge to kiss her than he could stop the sun from rising on the morrow. His head seemed to turn of its own volition; his lips brushed hers in a feather light touch, twice. She moved again, he froze.

She smiled in her sleep, her mouth making soundless words; but he was close enough to see them form one word in particular: Tristan.

For the first time in three nights, she had no nightmares.


	9. A New Start

**_Disclaimer: Same as Chapter 1 - so _please,_ for the love of _God,_ don't keep making me write it out people:O)_**

_**All reviews, and constructive criticism, gratefully received – but no flaming please; and I will try to update regularly.**_

**_WARNING: BAD LANGUAGE AND VIOLENCE, SO READ AT YOUR OWN PERIL. _**

'_**Thoughts'**_

"_**Speech"**_

_**-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-**_

_**LITTLE BIRD AND THE HAWK**_

**_Chapter Nine– A New Start_**

She woke the next morning and felt the familiar panic rise; but this time it did not last as she caught his scent, that musky woodland scent that buried itself into his clothes and skin, and knew immediately Tristan was with her and no one else.

The events of last night came flooding back; it had felt good, she had to admit it, it had felt good to fight her own corner for once.

She tried to move; he was instantly awake, a smile ghosted his lips "No struggling today?"

She shook her head and sniffed him suggestively. "If you think _I_ need bath….."

She smiled again and took her trusty tablet:

Nay, I could smell _you_; you smell of trees and grass -  
I knew quickly it was you; you smell nice.

"I do not think so." He smiled then it faded as he inspected her face "You are looking better. Feeling?"

Better.  
Much.  
I want to start training again.

"Why?"

She smiled slowly, a small light in her face:

It felt good, to protect myself for a change.  
It has been a long time.

"Why the sudden change of heart?"

I had the loveliest dream.I dreamt I was safe with…

She stopped.

"What? The dream, what was it?"

She blushed bright red:

Naught.

"Tell me."

Nay.  
It is my secret.

"What was it about; who did you feel safe with?"

She looked him straight in the eye, before writing:

I will tell you one day.

It was in that moment, he wondered how asleep she had actually been last night.

0-0-0-0-0-0

She bathed and put on clean clothes. Vanora was wonderful and brought her some clean shirts and plenty of breeches; but ones that fitted this time.

The other woman had helped her undress and did her level best not to look shocked at the scars and healing wounds she saw. It was the bite marks that shocked her the most.

Eventually her curiosity got the better of her "Were they all from this attack?" she asked, as they sat in the room Jules shared with Tristan after she had dressed.

Jules shook her head.

"How long were you tortured by your owner, then? It must have been a lot of weeks looking at those scars."

Years.

"_Years_!"

Since the beginning; since I arrived at his house.

"I am so sorry, Jules."

Why?  
You did not do it.

She was genuinely confused and patted the other woman's arm:

You are lovely. She smiled at her new friend.

Knowing how hard it was for her, Vanora was touched by the simple gesture.

"Well my Bors would not always agree!"

They laughed together; Vanora was surprised that Jules could not even laugh. She decided to change the subject, no point raking over old coals.

"Who is your favourite out of all the knights, _including_ my Bors?" she asked with a grin.

Jules thought for about thirty seconds and then suddenly ran her hand from the top of her face to the bottom, changing it into as mask like as possible as she slid her hand down her face.

"_Tristan_!" Cried Vanora, laughing.

Jules pointed at her nodding, laughing with her.

"You like him a lot, do you not?"

Jules nodded emphatically. She tapped her chest with her fist.

"Aye, I see – he is in your heart. You trust him too, I'll wager?"

Another nod, tapping her chest again.

"He is a good man; he is a quiet one though. But you are not exactly chatty are you!" She laughed.

Grinning Jules shook her head, opening and closing her mouth until they were almost crying with laughter.

"That was fun! Let us see another knight, let me see if I can guess again…."

Jules stomped across the room pretending to shout…

"_My Bors!_ Another!"

Jules thought for a moment; before scowling darkly and prowled up to Vanora before pretending to sweep her off her feet…..

"_Lancelot_! It has to be Lancelot! He _is_ such a flirt!" Van laughed; Jules grinned nodding.

There was a gasp of indignation from outside; but they did not hear it. The knights had come to see if all was well and had stayed; hovering by the door - but they had not seen Jules properly, they would be surprised.

By now all the brats had come into see what their mother was laughing at so heartily.

"Do another; I am good at this!"

Jules sighed deeply; then, with a look of deep angst, she fell to her knees in front of Van putting her arm to her forehead covering her eyes as if in deep sorrow. Van thought for a minute, whilst Jules then looked at her expectantly.

"_Galahad!"_

"Hey! I am…."

Gawain clapped a hand over his brother's mouth "shut up!" he hissed "I want to see how she does me!"

He did nott have long to wait "again, again!" cried the children, now as enthralled as their mother.

It hurt to move her head too much, Tristan could see, but she was having fun and ignored it as she walked around rolling her eyes and flipping her hair out of her face and then pretending to curse it.

"_GAWAIN!" _Roared the children together; she pointed at them clapping and nodding.

"I do not _flip_ my bloody hair!" He exclaimed, until Bors punched his head with a "hush!"

"Another; do another Jules!"

She thought and then just stood silently. This puzzled them all, until No. 3 went up and tugged her shirt – She swept the little boy up into a big hug, a huge smile on her face; her face registering no pain this simple act must have caused her.

"_Dagonet!"_ Called out No.8 "He is always good to us kids!" The knight outside the door grinned.

"Do another Jules; I am falling behind my children!" Laughed Van.

Jules shrugged there was only one other she could do.

She adopted a stern face, but there was merriment in her eyes and she walked regally across the room with a dishcloth across her shoulders as if a cape.

"Oh well, that has to be Arthur!" Laughed Van. "But you see him as a king!"

Jules nodded. Finally picking up her tablet she wrote:

He is a good leader.  
He would be a good king.  
Most of all? He is a good man.

Vanora read it out, having spied the knights and knowing how worried Arthur was about Jules' feelings toward him. She saw him grin.

Just then Galahad who had been leaning the most to see into the room, fell over grabbing Gawain as he went. They both fell into the doorway.

Jules spun round to them……..both gasped at the change in her.

Her matted hair was now clean and shiny; she wore clothes that fitted her and they realised she actually had a figure albeit a thin one due to her previous treatment.

The bruises and wounds were still there, but fading; and her eyes still had a haunted look, but they _were_ brighter. Tristan saw the smile reach them as she looked at him and he felt warmth spread round his heart.

She snatched her tablet up:

Were you **spying** on us!

Van read it out for her; Galahad tried to pick himself up nonchalantly "_Nay!_ Nay, we were not……we…..we were just passing._"_

Gawain looked at him in disbelief "She is _mute_, not _stupid_ Galahad!"

The other knights tumbled into the room. Tristan still stood at the door, she pushed past the others and went to him; he was expecting her to pat his arm as she always did – but instead she hugged him tight and then went round the room patting each of the other knights on the arm.

She stopped at Lancelot, looked deeply into his eyes and……grinned.

He could not help but grin back "What is all this about?" he asked, reading out what she wrote:

I feel happy.  
For the first time in a long time, I feel happy.  
You all helped me and…well…..last night felt good.  
Fighting for myself, it felt **very** good.

He knew she was trying to make him feel better, all of them. He watched her pat down the wax:

Do not be sad for me anymore…please.  
None of you.  
I will be alright now.  
I will fight.

"You will?"

Aye.  
I want to train again.  
With two swords.

"After what I saw last night you do not need much training, but meet me down on the field…it is nowhere near the tavern." He smiled.

Good.  
I am not that brave…..yet.

"You should be, you were brilliant last night!" chuckled Gawain.

They all filed out, Bors smiling at Van "I do not strut around like that!"

"Oh yes you bloody do!"

Arthur hovered by the door "All forgiven?"

Nothing to forgive.  
You are a good man Arthur, I am sorry.

"For what?"

For judging you on what you stood for, not you.

She hesitantly moved toward him and quickly patted his arm, before darting back. She sighed with relief; they smiled at each other. It was a start.

This whole day was a new start.

Soon she would be leaving and seeking _him _– she would ensure that he never hurt another. Then she could live her life………..or die peacefully.


	10. Recovering

**_Disclaimer: Same as Chapter 1 - so _please,_ for the love of _God,_ don't keep making me write it out people:O)__ The saying in this chapter is from a brilliant site on the internet._**

_**All reviews, and constructive criticism, gratefully received – but no flaming please; and I will try to update regularly.**_

**_WARNING: BAD LANGUAGE AND VIOLENCE, SO READ AT YOUR OWN PERIL. _**

'_**Thoughts'**_

"_**Speech"**_

_**-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-**_

_**LITTLE BIRD AND THE HAWK**_

**_Chapter Ten– Recovering_**

Tristan regarded her as the others left. The change was gratifying to see, he started to pack his few belongings. She grasped his hand:

Where are you going?  
Scouting?

"Nay, mayhap you wish to have a place of your own now; I thought I would go back to my own room."

We were supposed to be going together. She looked hurt.

I have upset you.

"Nay, nay you have not – but I thought you would want to be alone now."

Nay.

"Why not?"

I like to be with you.  
You comfort me.

"I see…." He sighed, what should he do? Only the Heavens knew how liked having her around, but was it being fair to _her_? She was finding her feet now; she should not be relying on him any more.

As if reading his mind she wrote:

I do not wish to lean on you so much Tristan,  
But I value your company and your…..  
friendship.

He did not like the pause before the last word. He would have to watch himself in future; he did not want sentimentality slowing them both down.

So we stay together?

"Aye, for now." He smiled sadly. For once Tristan missed the sadness mirrored in her eyes.

For now…..soon she would be away……

0-0-0-0-0-0

He went with her out onto the practice field. She was nervous and trembling but she got there, all the roman soldiers around did not help – but Tristan smirked at the way they were giving her a wide berth. Whilst no one was willing to admit what had happened the night before, those that had been there were quite scared of the weird, battered woman who had so expertly dispatched their two friends.

Lancelot was waiting. She kept mouthing something; "what are you saying?" he asked intrigued:

A saying my father drummed into me as a child.  
Do it trembling if you must, but **do it**!

He smiled "He was a wise man; come then, let us see what you can do."

She was not used to the two swords she was given, but he was still amazed at her skill. After four hours he wanted her to use a dagger, and then the bow. Each time the knights, all of whom had gathered now to watch, would whoop and holler in support when Jules did well.

When a roman soldier came past her to speak to Arthur, she froze but held her ground. Arthur took a parchment from him and read it. He grinned "Knights, a bishop is coming from Rome to give us our papers; he will be here in a month. We are to give him safe passage; though I doubt any of us would take issue with that order!"

Loud hollers and hoots went up; Jules looked questioningly at Lancelot and Tristan; the scout, his passive face holding merry eyes nodded a Arthur "Our discharge papers…..we can then go home."

She grinned; and then charged Lancelot. "Hey, no fair; I was not ready…" he grimaced as she knocked him to the ground and had both her swords to his throat.

She shot him a look; Tristan smirked "I think that is Jules speak for 'would the enemy wait for you to be ready'?"

She grinned again as she helped the dark knight up. "And there I was thinking you were such a sweet little thing." He gave a mock glare.

"Demon more like!" Muttered the soldier as he passed.

"What? What did you say?" Lancelot blocked his progress with one of his swords, the other knights immediately stepping forward.

Dagonet was nearest her, she showed him the tablet. "She says leave it Lancelot. If the man thinks she is such a demon, then she will just kill him in his sleep tonight." The large knight had to hide his smile at the horrified look on the soldier's face.

The roman retreated to the sound of loud and raucous laughter from the knights. Tristan saw her trembling still, but this time she held her head high.

0-0-0-0-0

Later that night, Tristan was sitting on the gallery landing with Jules; their legs dangling through the railings.

What will you do?

"When?"

When they release you?

"Go home, back to Sarmatia. Back to my tribe…." His voice held such longing, she leant and hugged him.

He smiled "What of you, when we leave here what will _you_ do?"

She shrugged.

"You will not go back to your tribe in Sarmatia?"

She shook her head.

"You could always travel with me…."

She smiled:

Then I am seriously tempted.

The smile faded suddenly:

But to go back to my tribe would be pointless.  
All that I loved there are gone.  
No other man from my tribe would want such used goods as me.

"I would." The words were out before he could stop them.

She looked at him surprised. "What I mean is, it would not bother me that you were not a virgin."

She hugged him again:

Thank you; you are a good man, a loyal friend……

"And your favourite." he offered with a straight face; deciding to tease would be safer ground.

You listened!

"It was hard not to with all the cackling that was going on from Van; at one point we thought you had captured a crow."

Her head went back and she laughed her strange silent laugh; he wondered what her real laugh was like, her real voice – not the tortured screams or devastated whispers she normally uttered.

"What will you do here?"

She sobered:

I have things to attend to.

"You know where he is, do you not?" Tristan was suddenly alert.

Nay. She looked at the floor.

He did not believe her; lifting her chin he stared into her eyes. She looked away. "Alright, alright – I will not push." But his eyes held a thought she could read as clear as if he had said it out loud '_but I will find out and then we will **all** deal with him'._

She could not allow that; she patted his face and hugged him. Her way, he knew, of comforting both him and herself; and she knew she must be away inside the month.

She clutched him tightly to her - pushing out the ache of her ribs, and pain at the loss of these friends she had made, the loss of him already biting most; squeezing her eyes shut trying not to think about being on her own again. But she knew, _knew_, it was the right thing to do; to go it alone.

"What? What is it?" he asked pulling back to look in her face. "What has concerned you so much, why do you hug me so tightly?"

She looked at him pushing a too bright smile onto her face:

You are my best friend Tristan,  
Why should I not hug you so tight?

He glared at the ground not fooled for a moment, he had got to know her far too well to be deceived, he knew there was much she was not telling him – and he had to admit for the first time since he had found her, he was worried.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0

She practiced hard and long over the next few weeks - the knights had gifted her with much; her own horse, a bow, swords and daggers as well as armour. Apparently the weapons and armour had been Bors' idea; something Van had said had made him decide she needed them.

Jules and Van had become firm friends, and the mute young woman would miss the other equally as much as the knights when she left. Nothing had been said up to now; but Van had guessed the truth and had told Bors as much one night as he ate his supper, after all the little bastards were in bed.

"She is going after him you know…"

"Who is? Going after _who_? Make sense you daft bat! Ye Gods, women are demons! You come out with some random bloody statement and expect me to know who and what you are talking about!"

"Jules! I'm bloody talking about _Jules_, you idiot man!" She smacked his head.

"Owww! Well, why did you not say so? Who is she going after?"

Van gave a 'look'.

"She cannot be! She knows we would go with her!"

"Aye, but she does not _want_ you to - all she told me is that if you, _any_ of you, do aught about this you are dead men; so she wants to deal with it herself. Why do think she has been practicing morning, noon and night; because she loves the company of you smelly lot?"

"Dag has been training her a lot, she would have told him. They have got real close, though not as close as she is to Tris I grant you…..and what about _him_? She would have told the scout if no one else!"

"Oh aye, so the man she loves with all her bloody heart can ride to his certain death!" She slapped her hand over her mouth. She could curse that bloody lover of hers…….always winding her up until she blurted secrets out!

Bors stopped with his spoon halfway to his mouth "WHAT!"

"SSSHHHHH!" She smacked him again.

"Woman, will you _stop_ hitting me!"

"Do you want them all up?" she gestured to the room where the children were sleeping.

"Oh, nay." he lowered his voice "So what is this about Tristan and Jules?" he grinned.

"_Nay_! I know you; you will go blabbing to the others….."

"I will _not_! I never….well, alright…I do. But I will _not_ this time." He grinned mischievously.

She always fell for that grin and so told him of her suspicions. He agreed, "We have all seen it, but not been sure. But has she said?"

"Nay….oh mayhap I am reading too much into it Bors – but one thing I do know is that she plans to go alone when she goes after her owner."

He pulled her onto his lap "Well, we will not let her."

"Good, do not; she has been a good friend to me, and I would miss her something awful."

He planted a huge kiss on her lips "glad I am not to be single anymore; it is too much bloody hard work!" She slapped him, but then fell about in gales of laughter as he tickled her…..

But he had remembered what she had said and insisted that they do more than gift the woman with a horse. True to his word, he never let on and made out it was for when they left her.

0-0-0-0-0-0

In the month since they had brought her back much had changed about Jules. She was still quite nervous about the Romans, but now would not let them see.

She held her head high; and had good reason to now. She fought as well as the knights, though Tristan and Lancelot believed the ability had always been there.

She had Tristan's dispassionate nature when it came to fighting; Arthur knew she would fight to protect those she cared about, but not for sport or because she enjoyed it and he respected that.

Her wounds had healed; her bruises had long since faded. Whilst no striking beauty she was very pretty; her dark curls bounced as she walked, her hair with the customary plaits common to her and Tristan's tribes now back in her hair, dark brown eyes alight with life. Her figure had gone lean and muscular due to good food and lots of exercise; though it was apparent that fate had been kind in the bust department, as Lancelot had been wont to joke…..well, until a glare from Tristan silenced him.

She made all the knights stare, as she would wander around their area, in her form fitting breeches and laced up shirts; she would never stray too far from them even now. Even Arthur would often do a double take as she passed him.

But Jules only had eyes for Tristan; she was his constant companion. The others thought he might tire of it, but he never seemed to. In fact as the month wore on he positively seemed to enjoy her company, well as far as they could tell with the scout anyway.

However, they were all becoming concerned. She seemed to be preparing for something; but would never say what.

Lancelot pulled Tristan to one side the day before they were due to meet the Bishop. "What is she up to?"

"I do not know."

"You mean _you_ do not know either?" Lancelot was surprised.

"Why should I know more than you?"

"Oh come on, you _are_ the bloody scout! Are you telling me you are truly ignorant as to how she feels about you? If she was going to confide in anyone it would be you!"

Tristan just shrugged and walked away……but was feeling both happy and concerned. He was suspicious as well of what Jules seemed to be planning, but Lancelot's comments about her feelings only confirmed what he had suspected himself for the last few weeks.

The thing was how did he feel about her? He cared about her, he looked forward to sleeping at night because he knew she would spend the night in his arms, he looked forward to coming back from a scouting mission because she would always rush to greet him, even if he had been out with the others he was the one she would greet first.

The only other he knew her to be very fond of was Dagonet. He was another quiet knight and he thought that was what appealed to Jules was the fact they were as quiet as she; well, maybe not quite as quiet.

He smiled to himself as he thought about the change in her. She laughed so much now, albeit in her own silent way. The nightmares were lessening, maybe only one or two a week now instead of every night.

But they all still came running when she had one; that amused him, for all they did was stand around until he had calmed her and she was clinging to him and then they quietly filed out. But he felt they did it to show their support, not only to him but to her.

The biggest change was how she laughed at herself, they were getting used to 'Jules speak' which usually consisted of a look or gesture; though the best at this were he and Van, with Dag a close second. But he had noticed Lancelot was coming a close third these days; the dark knight liked her a lot and felt for what had happened to her.

But she did laugh at her silence now, her tablets went everywhere with her – Arthur always made sure she had plenty. Though the two of them did not really need it now, Tristan could almost read her face like a book, it was handy as the others still needed it.

But…….he pulled himself back to the issue that had started this reverie – what of his feelings for her. Lancelot said she felt deeply for him, hinted at love; so had all the others over the last few weeks.

He thought mayhap she did; but did that make him conceited, like Lancelot, always so sure? Was he expecting too much from her? He had not even kissed her since that night, was too scared in case she woke; what would she have done, to wake and find him kissing her?

As for kissing her any other time; he did not want to put that kind of pressure on her. She was finding her feet he knew, but he did not want to jeopardise her recovery.

0-0-0-0-0

Much later they were in bed; Jules as usual snug against him one hand lazily caressing his face in her sleep, while he tried to think of anything but the feelings she was arousing in him.

He sighed, this was the worst time as well as the best in some ways; her warm body pressed against him, snuggled in his arms her hand clutching his shirt as always, and her breath fanning his face. Most nights now it took all his willpower not to kiss her, drive her wild with desire and make love to her.

Make _love_? Had he just thought that? He knew now it would not just be sex; with Jules he would love her - show her that not all men would use and abuse her, that _he_ was different.

He _loved_ her, aye he did; had tried to avoid it, tried to ignore it and tried to ensure he did not - but whe did. So what in Hades was he going to do now?


	11. Time

**_Disclaimer: Same as Chapter 1 - so _please,_ for the love of _God,_ don't keep making me write it out people:O)_**

_**All reviews, and constructive criticism, gratefully received – but no flaming please; and I will try to update regularly.**_

**_WARNING: BAD LANGUAGE AND VIOLENCE, SO READ AT YOUR OWN PERIL. _**

'_**Thoughts'**_

"_**Speech"**_

_**-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-**_

_**LITTLE BIRD AND THE HAWK**_

**_Chapter Eleven– Time_**

The Bishop rode into the compound surrounded by the knights and his own soldiers. Jules was with Van and the children at theirs; she had found a route to their home which avoided the tavern, it was longer but it was worth it.

She had ventured to the tavern only once a few days before; she had been accompanied by all the knights, but she was still very uncomfortable and Tristan took her out quite quickly. Not that they had had any trouble, but she still did not like it there.

Arthur sent Bors to fetch her to meet the bishop; the meeting did not go as he had expected it to.

0-0-0-0-0

As she entered the room the bishop stood going through his spiel about one last errand for Rome, though had not got to the details; his voice petered out and his eyes stood on stalks at the woman standing before him. Eyes downcast, hair falling over her face, tight clothing revealing all her curves, curves up to now she had not been ashamed of.

All the knights, Lancelot in particular, looked on in distaste and anger as the Bishop openly ogled Jules.

"Bishop Germanius!" Arthur spoke sharply to get the man's attention "please meet our new comrade, Jules."

As he had said his name Jules' head had snapped up as if pulled by a rope, all saw it. All saw her face pale; her whole body begin to tremble.

"My dear child, it is a pleasure to meet you; you are indeed a jewel…" the bishop all but purred as moved towards her.

She stepped back, hands fluttering behind her as she flailed for the door handle to get out; though never once taking her eyes off the bishop.

Finally she had the door open and bolted. All the knights looked at each other until suddenly realisation dawned…..Tristan hovered unsure as to whether to kill the bishop where he stood or go after Jules, in the end Jules won. Lancelot had no such qualms; all that saved the bishop was Arthur's sword blocking his.

"_You KNOW!" _growled the dark knight. "You know what he has done Arthur! What of your oath?"

"_Nay_, I do not; it could be because he is a Church man and nothing more, similar only but still raising bad memories for her as I did. Go after her - see first." Lancelot turned with a snarl and stalked from the room.

The bishop looked horrified "What is it? Why does he think I raped her?" he asked after the other knights had run out after Jules and Tristan.

Arthur realised then that Lancelot had been right "We never mentioned rape, Bishop, so why should you?" Arthur forced down the rising anger.

The bishop began to flounder and tried to change the subject back to the matter in hand.

Arthur swallowed deeply and let it go….for now……

0-0-0-0-0

They found her in hers and Tristan's room hiding behind the bed clutching Tristan's dirty shirt he had been wearing that day; pressed against her face, it was as if she was smothering herself with it. But in actual fact she took comfort from the scent of him.

"What is it?" Tristan spoke calmly even though his heart was hammering in his chest. This was bad; this was her almost as when they found her.

She shook her head; drowning in her own terror. Luckily Dagonet had had the foresight to pick up her tablet and stylus. He handed it gently to her……she dropped it in her lap. Rocking back and forth, she looked at them with wild eyes.

"Tell us Jules, is it him? Is he the one?" pleaded Lancelot.

Her head stilled, as did her body. She looked at them….it was, to Tristan's keen eye, as if she went to nod, but then vehemently shook her head.

"Are you sure? Jules, are you _certain_ he has not hurt you?" This time Gawain spoke.

Again a minute hesitation, then a vehement nod.

Tristan made her look at him "Then why run; if he is not your owner, he knew him did he not? He was there was he not?"

She stared at him……..then shook her head slowly.

"I do not believe you; tell me the truth."

Again a shake.

"I do not believe you – the _truth_!" He was becoming angry now, she could sense it. The more she concealed, the worse it would make things…

A slight nod - Lancelot sprang round to go back and finish the job; until they heard it a noise, and from Jules.

He swung back - she was banging her head with her fists and her eyes were desolate. She kept pointing to her mouth and they could all feel the tangible frustration in her face.

Tristan grabbed her arms to stop her, "Stop it! You will only hurt yourself." She flung him away angrily and stood swiftly.

She grabbed Lancelot and pushed him against the wall. As he went to speak she went to within an inch of his face, staring deeply into his eyes and clamped her hand over his mouth; putting her finger to her lips in a 'Shh' motion.

She was very agitated; he stood motionless as she suddenly held a knife to his throat.

"What in the bloody hell is she doing!" Cried Bors in disbelief.

Galahad went towards her, but instead of hurting Lancelot she only made a cutting action with the blade before dropping it back to her side and then kissing his cheek.

She turned to all the knights, making the same action and then kissing their cheeks. All except Tristan; she kissed his lips so gently that it took his breath away, and he went to follow her mouth as she drew back before realising what he was doing.

They knew what she was saying; she loved them and did not want them hurt. If they did anything to the bishop then they would all suffer; finally she pointed to herself and did the same action. This time she shrugged.

"That is not true little bird! You bloody matter to _us_!" Gawain flung out.

Galahad looked confused, then realised what she was saying "I would rather die here and now, than run this 'errand' for the sick bastard down there!" he ground out.

She finally picked up her tablet in shaking hands and Dagonet read it out for all of them in a voice thick with emotion, for he knew what she would do:

I have my own destiny to follow, so do you.  
Do not give up your lives and freedoms for me.  
I am not worthy of such a sacrifice.  
Please me by living your lives and be happy.  
As for me I have old scores to settle.  
He will merely be one more when I return.  
but I must do them in order.

"Why? Why not kill him now?" Galahad asked.

Because you need him to secure your papers.

He will keep.

"For what? What in the name of God is going on?" Arthur strode in.

I need to rest.  
Please, a little time, I am upset.

She went to Arthur and kissed his cheek:

You are a good man Arthur,  
It has been a pleasure to know you.  
To know not all Romans are animals.  
Mayhap if my family had had you as a master, our lives would have been so different.

He stood stunned holding his cheek, as Lancelot was, even as she began to push them all from the room; save Dag and Tristan:

Dagonet, take care of Vanora for me?

She leant forward and again kissed his cheek; then showed him the tablet, shushing him:

Take care of Tristan…..

The tall knight nodded, tears swimming in his battle weary eyes "You might yet return."

Aye, I might.  
I would like to speak to Tristan.

As he turned to leave, she touched his arm:

Dagonet - I think you are the kindest and most honourable man I have ever known, and I am proud to call you friend.

The knight nodded and walked out, not trusting himself to speak.

She turned to Tristan………to see his eyes blazing with fury.

"If you think you are going alone." He growled at her. She put a finger to his lips, and then wrote:

I am - it is **my** wrong to right.  
I told you that once.  
I realise now who the bastard downstairs has come for.  
I must away if I am to stop **him** escaping and hurting others.

"Then we will come…."

NAY!  
I want no more deaths on my conscience Tristan!  
Especially not yours; **that **I could not live with!

"It is my choice, my death."

Not this time.  
I cannot lose you - I cannot.

"You would not….."

I would.  
He would have you all put to death as soon as you returned.

She leant towards him; her lips touched his, so softly he wondered if he was dreaming it.

Then with a growl deep in his throat he pulled her to him, deepening the kiss until they were both breathless.

"I love you Jules; I never wished to ever love. But I love you."

She looked into his eyes and he knew she felt the same; he rested his forehead against hers "Then why are you doing this?" he groaned.

She looked down, and then he felt the tablet pressed into his hand, he looked:

It is **because** I love you….that I must.

"_Nay_." it was softly said, but had his heart in that one word and it broke hers.

She kissed him deeply again.

"Why do I not scare you? I thought you would never feel safe in this way with any man."

You are not just **any** man.  
You are my **life.**

And with that she hit him with the butt of her dagger, still held in her hand, knocking him out cold. She kissed him once more, wrote 'forgive me' on her spare tablet, and then strode out picking up the rest of her weapons on the way.

It was time………


	12. Finding Her

**_Disclaimer: Same as Chapter 1 - so _please,_ for the love of _God,_ don't keep making me write it out people:O)__ Ziba means 'beautiful' in Persian. Cassius is a genuine Roman name meaning vain and empty._**

_**All reviews, and constructive criticism, gratefully received – but no flaming please; and I will try to update regularly.**_

**_WARNING: BAD LANGUAGE AND VIOLENCE, SO READ AT YOUR OWN PERIL. _**

'_**Thoughts'**_

"_**Speech"**_

_**-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-**_

_**LITTLE BIRD AND THE HAWK**_

**_Chapter Twelve– Finding Her_**

She strode to the stables and saddled Ziba, before riding out; the roman soldiers surprisingly opened the gates for her, wanting rid of the weird woman from their midst. They were happy to face Arthur's wrath; at least he would not kill them or threaten to hunt them in their dreams.

She was terrified, she could feel her body trembling and yet she knew she was doing the right thing. Now was time to right the wrong…..

0-0-0-0-0-0

Back at the fort chaos reigned. Tristan had not been out long; the others found him and saw the tablet.

Dagonet picked it up. "What does it say?" asked Bors.

"Forgive me."

"Oh bloody hell! You do not think she has…?"

"Of course she has! What the hell are we going to do!" cried Lancelot in frustration.

"Do you know where she went?" Asked Arthur coming into the room.

"Nay, but my Van might." Offered Bors.

"Then let us speak to Van…."

"Wait…she said something about realising who the bishop downstairs has come for. She said she had to get to him before he escaped." Tristan said, rubbing his jaw.

"We leave at first light; and now we have more reason to go." Said Arthur.

Tristan looked at the setting sun, "I can go now, track her and be back by dawn. I do not want her out there alone".

Arthur nodded "We are going with you" Dagonet and Lancelot both stepped forward.

Their commander sighed "Be back by dawn."

They left.

As they strode to the stables, Dag and Lancelot could feel the anger radiating off of Tristan, they also saw the bruise coming up on his cheek. They wondered briefly how he came to let his guard down, and then realised there was only one way……

"She is in _so_ much shit when we find her" murmured Lancelot to Dagonet.

"You have no idea" muttered the scout to the others "If they have not killed her – _I_ will".

0-0-0-0-0-0

She was easy to track, and they reached the house within three hours. It was not the one they were expecting – that was further north.

On arrival they found four dead roman soldiers. Looking at one particular Roman soldier, a captain, Lancelot noted "He has been expertly gutted like a fish with just two swords; that is an unusual move."

"It is an Iazyges speciality; I am surprised her father taught her that move, it is brutal – usually only men carry it out." Tristan muttered, barely taking in the corpse.

"Not as surprised as he was." Lancelot indicated the dead soldier, and the other four all decapitated as well as being stabbed through the chest. There was blood everywhere "she certainly wanted to make sure they were dead…" he smiled; satisfied that Jules had dealt with at least some of the roman scum.

"Would not you? I would not mind betting they all had a turn with her when she was here" murmured Dag.

They strode into the house, everywhere men were dead – most decapitated, all cut through the chest; one looked like he had been trying to run away. Again there was blood all around; it was almost as if she had made sure to spread it around like some kind of sacrifice. Or atonement - they realised she had killed in a specific way.

"To appease her ancestors, it is what her people do. It will ensure she will enter the other world when her time comes to be with her family, without shame. My people would do the same." Tristan answered the unspoken question.

0-0-0-0-0

When they found her she was in the main living area, fury was written on her face and she paced the room.

She spun round, twin swords at the ready as they approached. Question in her eyes as Dag and Lancelot strode in - and then sadness as Tristan walked in behind them. He kept walking pulling his sword as he went.

Lancelot went to step forward, but Dagonet restrained him "He will not hurt her, trust me"; despite her dexterity he had her disarmed in seconds and, throwing his own weapon to the ground, grabbing her by the shoulders.

"Do not do that to me _ever _again!" he growled as he shook her "I should cut you down where you stand!" His eyes blazing she froze, thinking he would strike her - but then his lips crashed onto hers and he pulled her roughly to him; ignoring the other knights standing grinning at each other.

Pulling away so quickly she fell over; he strode out. She sat on the floor in surprise.

"You are in _so_ much trouble with him I cannot even begin to tell you!" said Dagonet with a grin, helping her to her feet.

She reached round the back of her trousers, and pulled her tablet and stylus out:

I thought I would be.  
To be honest I had expected to die, not see you again.

"We would not let that happen to our little bird" Dag said.

"Well, did you kill him?" asked Lancelot.

She shook her head:

He is gone, but I know where.  
Gone to his brother's house.

"His brother's house; who is his brother?"

Marius Honorius.

"WHAT!"

Cassius Honorius is his younger brother and my owner.  
They have the protection of Rome.  
Whatever they do, they are pardoned as the Church wants Alecto to be the next Pope.

"That is why we have to get them out before the Saxons come."

Then I will ride with you tomorrow.  
It seems you all get your wish after all.  
Much good may it do you.

"Why?"

Who do think taught Cassius everything he knows?

They are both evil men, come I will show you.

0-0-0-0-0-0

She took them outside, Tristan following behind, to a large hole in the ground; it was full of dead bodies.

He keeps them in there….I was kept in there.

She was trembling, but pressed on:

This is 'the pit'.  
I lived in there from the age of 12 until I was taken by the soldiers.  
I was brought out for his amusement and that of his brother and his guests.

"Including the bishop?" Lancelot asked.

Aye.  
I know what you are thinking. She saw Lancelot clench his jaw.  
But he must be left until you get your papers.

"Why are they dead?"

He would not want to take servants and the like with him.  
To slaughter them was the easy option.

She was trembling; Tristan relented slightly and put his cloak round her.

I am not cold.  
Merely angry and…….frightened.  
But I still have my options.

"You were an idiot." Tristan was still raging, but his voice and demeanour was still icy calm. "They could have killed you."

But they did not.

"Nay, how is that? There are many of them and one of you; I cannot believe we taught you that well." Lancelot said, reading over her shoulder.

They did not all come at me at once Lancelot.  
Just a few at a time….  
But they were not even really fighting me, they just panicked.  
And actually you all _did_ teach me that well.

She pointed to a nearby rock covered in blood:  
That was where he smashed my babies brains out and the brains of my mother's baby.  
**His** babies.

She pointed to a patch of grass just beyond the rock:  
That was where he had my sister raped to death.  
My father gutted in front of me.  
This is where he carried out all his atrocities.  
He called it his 'playground'.

She shut her eyes against the flooding memories, she felt sick and walked away to throw up.

She felt a hand rubbing her back, turning she saw it was Tristan. She smiled slightly, but he did not and she knew she would have to face his rage in private.

Sighing, she turned to the others:

We need to leave.

"We ride again on the morrow."

I will not ride with you where I can be seen,  
But I will be there.

"As you wish." Lancelot replied.

Beware of Marius and Cassius.  
They are evil men and neither will want to leave this country,  
I doubt their perversions will be tolerated in the new Rome.  
Once the current Pope has Alecto the others are expendable.

"Why not leave them to Rome?" asked Dag.

Rome will not care about their actions, only Alecto.  
It will only be if they try to build a power base of their own that they will then be seen as a threat.

"And Arthur loves this religion!" exclaimed Lancelot in disbelief.

It is not the religion that is at fault Lancelot,  
It is the men who put themselves in charge of it.

She stared at where her family and her children all died; where other families now lay decimated:

I could not stop this here,  
But I will not allow it to happen at his brother's.

"Arthur would not sanction this butchery Jules, trust me." Dag spoke.

I know, but I want to make sure.  
It is my wrong to right.  
I am Iazyges.  
Our motto is:Born in a saddle, sword in hand – ready to battle for family and land.  
Well you are my family, and this is my land……for now.

The others sighed and turned to leave – but Jules went to the house, picking up the books she knew would be there, and took a torch throwing it into the pit:

The least I can do is ease their passing to the other side, by freeing their souls from their bodies.

"What of them?" Asked Dag, indicating the Romans.

Leave them to rot.

She turned and walked back to Ziba.

She was back and in control…..or was she? She stared at Tristan, he studiously ignored her. They rode out.

0-0-0-0-0-0

Tristan avoided her all the way back to the fort. She had expected it, but it still hurt. If she closed her eyes, she could still feel his lips on hers, his tongue gently exploring her mouth, his arms wrapped tightly around her.

It was strange after all what was done to her she should be able to trust him so easily, to even want that kind of intimacy with him. But from the first moment he helped her, soothed her and calmed her she had followed her instincts and trusted him, liked him and ultimately loved him.

She wanted him to show her the act of love was as Van had told her, wonderful and fulfilling when you loved someone and they you. For once she wanted to be there in her body and with someone she cared for, not trying to switch her mind off from the brutalising of her own skin.

She glanced across at him and found him staring aimlessly ahead.

"He will be well" murmured Dagonet, riding up to her. "But he is bloody mad at you Jules, I am only surprised he did not knock you out when we found you; the mood he was in when we left the fort, let me say only that he was _seriously_ pissed off."

She sighed, nodding at him. She patted his arm and leant across to kiss his cheek. He grinned; she nodded at him expectantly "Me? I am only glad you are safe – I would not have wanted to tell Bors if you had not been."

She grinned and pointed to herself and then Dag. "Nor me you? Nay, you are probably right, he loves us both Jules. I wonder if Arthur's told the others about going to Marius'. He told us just before we left….."

"They were heading to the tavern to drown their sorrows just before we left, so I doubt it." Noted Lancelot.

They rode the rest of the way in silence.

0-0-0-0-0-0

Back at the fort Arthur drew Jules to one side; she could tell he was angry "Do not ever repeat such a foolish action again Jules, understand? Tristan was nearly beside himself and the others were all set to go after you as well.

They care for you Jules, all of us do. But Tris most of all; he has never loved a woman to my knowledge in all the 15 years I have known him. So you are pretty special to him; do _not _hurt him." His voice stern, she knew he was warning her and she nodded:

I did not mean to.  
I wished to spare them all.  
But I have my own path to follow Arthur,  
However it would appear they point the same way now.

"How so?"

She told him all what she had told the others. She showed him the books - she hugged him, awkwardly at first, as he sat and wept; his arms round her waist and only five words springing from his lips "I am sorry…….dear God…..I am sorry…dear God…..

0-0-0-0-0-0

Tristan returned from the tavern; he walked into the room, unsure of what to do. There had been angry scenes as the others realised what this really meant, but eventually Dagonet had been the voice of reason and all had agreed to follow Arthur; as they always would.

All had noted that Arthur was greatly distressed and angry, but all thought it was to do with the last edict from Rome. He looked at Tristan, all of them, and wondered if he should show them? But then she had the books, and if he did he knew that they would kill all three men and he would not be able to stop them; deep down he doubted he would even want to.

Tristan for his part looked at her laying on the bed, her back to him. It was rigid and so he knew she was awake.

The anger in him had long since seeped away, knowing he would have done the same in her position.

He went and lay down next to her; putting his arm round her he pulled her close against him. She immediately grasped his hand and pulled it to her face kissing it.

She turned over to look at him; at the house she had been defiant and detached – but here he could tell she was sorry for the distress she had caused, but not for what she had done. He could understand and respect that.

"I thought I had lost you." He whispered to her, his lips grazing her cheek as he spoke.

She turned her head so his lips were on hers. For a moment neither moved; first they were kissing feather light kisses and then deep passionate ones.

He pulled away, shaking his head at her, trying to regain control over his body and emotions that were rapidly betraying his feelings for this woman.

She followed his lips with her own, soon reclaiming them – he tried to move, but her arms snaked round his neck holding him to her.

He drew back, rigidly trying to resist her; she looked deeply into his eyes and nodded.

"Are you sure? Do you trust me?"

She nodded once more, pointing to her heart and he could see love in those black/brown eyes of hers. With a groan he crushed her to him, kissing her hair and telling her of his love.

She clung to him, but this time not for comfort or from fear; this time she hugged and kissed him because it was he that she loved, she was not fearful now.

They were like this for a few minutes then his lips began to draw lazy circles down her cheek, her neck then back to her lips. He kissed her deeply and then continued down to where her shirt was laced.

Once again he raised his eyes to hers, matching passion, love and desire burned in both sets. "Do you trust me?" He asked again. She caressed his face with her hand, nodding; he pushed his mouth into the palm.

He deftly undid the laces and pulled the shirt over her head, moving to remove his own; as he did so she put her arms across her breasts ashamed of the scars she had there. Proof that others had been there before him, but not like this – never had she once wanted them; fought them until they beat her almost unconscious, and would then go away in her mind whilst they did want they wanted to the shell of her.

He pulled her arms away "Do not be ashamed, I told you I did not care and I do not. I love you little bird, your hawk loves you with all his heart."

He began to kiss each and every scar, his hands running up and down her body, she began to groan slightly. His head lifted, it was the first sound he had ever heard her make…….she pushed her hands into his hair, pulling him back to her mouth, before he began to kiss her neck and gradually work his way down and back to her breasts……

Soon they were naked, but he did not want to do anything to frighten her "Do you trust me?" he looked at her again; her eyes were almost black with desire now as she nodded her head, pulling him completely on top of her - she _wanted_ this, she wanted _him_………………she loved him.

For the first time in her life, Jules found out what it truly felt like to be loved by a man who loved her with his whole heart and soul.


	13. Payback P1

**_Disclaimer: Same as Chapter 1 - so _please,_ for the love of _God,_ don't keep making me write it out people:O)__ In the theatrical release of the movie they set camp going to Honorious' estate – though this was cut from the Director's version._**

_**All reviews, and constructive criticism, gratefully received – but no flaming please; and I will try to update regularly.**_

**_WARNING: BAD LANGUAGE AND VIOLENCE, SO READ AT YOUR OWN PERIL. _**

'_**Thoughts'**_

"_**Speech"**_

_**-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-**_

_**LITTLE BIRD AND THE HAWK**_

**_Chapter Thirteen– Payback (Part One)_**

It was before dawn when she awoke the next morning. She stretched and felt an arm tighten possessively around her. Tristan raised his head sleepily "Where do you think you are going?"

She shook her head grinning and snuggled up to him, sighing contentedly.

"That is better."

He watched her looking out the window "what do you think about?"

She shrugged, and then her face clouded.

"You want to kill him badly?"

She nodded, before reaching round him for the tablet and stylus:

Mayhap, when he is dead, I will speak again.  
I long to **tell** you how much I love you Tristan.  
How much you mean to me….  
It is now, just now, that I miss my voice.

He pulled her closer to him, "I see it in your eyes; the way you loved me last night, the honour you gave me to make love to you."

There is no honour in loving me.  
I am used goods.

Tristan raised himself over her "Do not _ever_ say that again. You are not, and there is much honour in loving you. I would shout it from the rooftops" he growled going to rise from the bed; she could sense the anger in him.

She pulled him back, eyes full of emotion:

That is not your way, and I love you the more for it.  
Yours is a quiet love Tristan.  
No grand gestures, no loud declarations.  
Just constant and unwavering; that to me is all.

He kissed her deeply "I love my little bird." As they started to make love again, she squashed the fear that she could lose him because he loved her so much - she could lose them all.

0-0-0-0-0

It was a while later when they made their way to the stables arm in arm; they both knew there would be no point pretending otherwise as by now word had got round.

Van came running and swept Jules into a hug "I am so glad you are safe Birdie! But more, I am glad you two finally came to your senses - me and Bors were all for banging your bloody heads together! Tristan saying you should be with Lancelot, and Lancelot saying you should be with Tristan!"

She laughed; Jules turned to the two knights in surprise:

Why?  
Each of you, why?

They shifted uncomfortably, Lancelot glaring at Bors "I never said I could keep a secret!" He grinned.

"I though Tris would be better as you are both quiet and get on well, and you really seem to need him and, well….he seems to need you as much. You _do_, you _know _you do!" He retorted as Tristan gave him a look.

"I though you needed someone passionate and who could love you better than I…." Tristan tailed off.

Lancelot you were right.  
But if I had not had Tristan, I think I could have loved you.  
You are good man with a good heart.

She tapped his chest, making the usually debonair knight blush.

She turned to Tristan:

As for you; how could you say **anyone** could love me better than you?  
**No one** could - never.  
One day, one day **I **will shout **that** from the rooftops.

She flung her arms round his neck, the tablet and stylus clattering to the floor as she kissed him deeply.

"I see all is forgiven" said Arthur entering the stable, she grinned. He walked over to Jules and muttered "have you shown them to Tristan?" She shook her head.

"Mayhap you should?" She nodded. Galahad handed her the tablet as she bent to retrieve it ignoring Arthur as he had in the ring.

She could suddenly feel the tension in the air. Drawing Arthur to one side:

I do not think it would be sensible at this juncture, but I will soon.

"Agreed."

Tristan pulled her back as she hastily patted down the wax "what was that all about?"

I was telling him how I would not hurt you again by running off.

"I do not believe you. He looked ill this morning Bors has just said, and Jols said you were with him last night; what has happened, what did you tell him?"

I told him naught.

Tristan stared calmly and she sighed:

I found the journals and brought them back.

I wanted him to understand what his Rome is capable of.

"Did he read them?"

Aye.

"Can we….can I?"

Aye, I am bringing them with me – but not now Tristan.  
If you read them now your fate would be sealed.

She turned to see Dagonet reading one – his face was ashen and his jaw was clenching.

She rushed over; snatching it out of his hand she forced it into the saddlebag.

"Honest Jules it fell out, I picked it up and I did not realise……..what it was" he swallowed "has anyone else seen them?"

Only Arthur.

"Not Tris or Lancelot?"

She shook her head.

"Good, do not let them until this is all over, I dread to think what they will do; but I tell you what, those bastards will feel my axe too when the time comes!" he hissed.

Vanora, who had been reading past Dag's elbow, just hugged the girl "kill him, Birdie, just kill him…" was all she muttered.

She went to Bors, "Get her to show you them books in her saddle bag…." She muttered.

"What? _Why_? Do you honestly think we will have time to _read _wench?" He grinned; the sobered at the look on her face "what?"

"Just do it Bors."

"What was that about?" asked Gawain.

"Van says she has got some books in her saddlebag we really have to read."

"What are they about?"

"Van never said - but judging by my girl's face, naught good."

The two women left them as the bishop entered, Dagonet shouldering past him…..

0-0-0-0-0

She followed them at a discreet distance through the day, she laughed silently at the way the bishop's aid kept glancing nervously around.

Eventually they set camp for the night; Horton scuttled into his makeshift tent as soon as he could.

"Cowardly cleric!" laughed Gawain.

They heard a twig crack; all looked round bracing themselves for a fight, only to be confronted with a grinning Jules.

"You should shout…." Chuckled Galahad.

She cuffed his head with a smile; before making her way straight to Tristan, hugging him tight and caressing his cheek.

"I wish Van greeted me like that!" sighed Bors with a grin.

"I wish _any_ bloody woman greeted me like that!" Laughed Gawain; Lancelot just looked wistful.

"You well Lancelot?" Dag asked.

"Aye I am well Dag. Just what she said, in the stables about loving me if she had not met Tristan….." He sighed.

"Aye - well, we _all_ wish we were Tristan" grinned the large knight.

"It is just - I really believe she sees _us_. Not knights, or warriors – just us, as her friends. I do not know why, but I feel like a human around her - not just some killing machine."

"Well, so long as we stick together once this is all over, I cannot see why we cannot all carry on like that."

Lancelot nodded. Just then he noticed her drop her saddlebags and some books fell out; there were twelve in total he quickly calculated and picked one up.

Bors, remembering Van's words, did the same and before long each knight had one, including Tristan.

Before Jules could stop them they were reading them; and after a very short pause she was being bombarded with angry questions.

"What in the name of Hades……!" Cried Bors looking at the childish handwriting in his "How old were you here?"

"Who the hell is Tabiti?" asked Gawain angrily "because they certainly enjoyed torturing her."

"I do not bloody believe this!" growled Lancelot "How could they _do_ this?"

"I think we should just deal with this Cassius as soon as we get there!" grunted Dag, becoming angrier as horrified realisation sank in just how perverted and debauched Jules' treatment had been.

"I do not believe I have spent fifteen years in service to a country that could do this!" Galahad said swallowing his tears.

Tristan sat white faced and impassive as he read his; however, the rage building in him was patently visible.

Arthur sat mute, having read them all already; but he too well remembered being physically sick after she had left him.

She could not answer all their questions at once, she gestured to Dag to come help her:

Please I will try….try to answer your questions.  
This was not what I meant to have happened.  
I was going to let you see them on the homeward journey.

"Who was Tabiti?" asked Gawain.

My sister.  
I think I told you of her, she was raped to death at 15.

"When did the abuse start?" Lancelot glared.

She hesitated, "You had best tell us what we want to know little bird, you will not be left alone until you do." Advised Dag:

I was 10 when the beatings and such started.  
But I was 12 when I was first put in the pit.  
Only allowed out to amuse him and any guests.  
There I stayed until I was sent with the soldiers.

"Why?" Galahad was still shocked.

I do not know.  
He said I was a pretty little thing.  
He said I would provide much amusement.

"You were a year younger than my No.8." Bors said quietly.

Tristan stood and walked over to Arthur "You read these?"

"Aye, yester night" his commander sighed, knowing what was coming next.

"Yet still you sent us here; knowing…._knowing_ who it was we were 'rescuing'; and that bastard we have left back there is as much a part of this as the ones we are going to". His voice was icy calm.

"Jules wants you to have your freedom. Is that such a bad thing, Tristan?"

"Aye, when it means the man that buggered her, raped her, butchered her and then gave her to a legion of roman soldiers to do what they wanted with, as well as slaughtering all she loved before her……Aye Arthur it is." He flung his book so it hit the other man in the chest, his voice still calm but rage burning in his eyes.

They heard a clapping sound; she was standing on a tree stump clapping her hands to get their attention. She looked angry, really angry. Dagonet read her tablet, though she was writing so quickly and then patting out that he had trouble keeping up.

Who the hell do you think you all are?  
I get to decide what to do with my life.  
I want you to be **free**….  
I do not want you to be like **me**…..to spend anymore of your life as slaves!  
That is what you are…**slaves.**  
I do not want that for you.  
I was 10 when I became a slave.  
I was 28 when Tristan found me and gave me back my life.  
18 years I spent as a slave, three years more than you.  
If you do not do this thing how long before they release you?  
Tristan said he cared not about what happened to me before,  
You have all said the same…..so what should it matter?  
I wanted you to understand why I am like this – she gesticulated to her mouth:  
But I do **not **need you to avenge me.

She paused, took a deep breath, and then pressed on:

Arthur did not want to accept this mission after he read the books.  
But I want you to have your freedom and so persuaded him.  
I said I would deal with the one who was ultimately responsible.  
Rome cares not for him. As to the others, **I** will decide.  
Let **me** decide what is best for me.  
Let me now govern myself.  
But embrace your freedom……**please**.

They watched as she stood there breathing heavily. Tristan walked back over to her; putting his hands on her waist he lifted her down and into his arms.

"You have a big heart Jules – glad I am that it belongs to me".

She kissed him. The other knights crowded round all talking to her at once - but Arthur could see she only had eyes for Tristan. He smiled; she was so different to that first night he had met her.

Just then Horton emerged from the wagon "I do not believe my bishop would be involved in the debauchery you speak of!" he cried imperiously.

The others moved towards him, but Arthur signalled them to stand down as Jules walked over to him, picking up a book with a green cover and put it carefully into his hands. She signalled Dag:

You have been in the bishop's service for long? He nodded.  
Then please read this before you judge me.  
You genuinely believe in God, I see that.  
So please read the book and keep an open mind.

He ducked back inside the wagon with the book.

She walked and sat down next to Tristan:

You trust me to fight my own corner now?

"Aye."

You understand why I did what I did now?

"Aye, but I still do not agree with it."

She hugged him, and yawned theatrically:

I am tired…..

A smile ghosted his lips "Well, I suggest we retire for the night…"

They went into the makeshift tent and dropped the flap.

He took her in his arms "I love you; have I told you that?"

She nodded and smiled; before running her fingers through his hair and then down his cheeks, he pushed his mouth into her palm.

She caught his face and held his gaze willing him to see how much she loved him.

He kissed her; they quickly deepened the kiss before sinking onto the pelts beneath them.

She clung to him; pushing the fears out of her mind, she knew that Marius and Cassius were evil men and she worried for him, and the others. But soon his caressing hands and sensual mouth drove all thoughts from her mind except him and being with him in that moment.

0-0-0-0-0-0

The next morning Horton approached her "I….I…would like to apologise on behalf of my church." He said hesitantly, handing her back the book.

Do not fret so, you are not to blame.  
You look as if you have not slept all night.

"I have not; I have been praying about this and what to do. How can I continue to serve such an evil man, and believe he is sent by the Pope to serve God?"

We must all do what we may to stay alive; it is better for you not to rock the boat.  
But I would be pleased if you do not mention this to anyone outside of those here.

"Of course…….but if I can ever be of service……" He inclined his head and went to walk away. She smiled at him and he wandered off wondering why a woman with such strength could not believe in the God who gave it to her.

"Prat!" muttered Lancelot in her ear, causing her to jump:

You are getting as good at Tristan at creeping up on me!  
And he is not a prat; he is a good man – just weak.

"Alright….he is a _weak_ prat!" He grinned evilly.

She slapped his arm and kissed his cheek:

And you are a demon!

"To all but you, my little bird!" he laughed.

0-0-0-0-0

They were soon on the road again and finally reached the house at noon, Tristan had gone scouting ahead. Jules had ridden to the hillside and watched.

What they found there beggared belief. In some ways it was worse than what they had encountered at Cassius' house.

She saw Arthur striding around and realised he was finally losing his temper, she had never seen him do so before and realised things in the village there must be bad.

Then she saw him go to an old man strung up; there was much gesticulating and then his voice floated up "I tell you now. Marius is not of God. And you - all of you - were free from your first breath".

He cut the old man loose with Excalibur, his sword. She grinned _'You are a good man Arthur, good….and right. That bastard is no man of God….**any** God'._

She heard him telling them of the army of Saxons coming and how they must flee either with them or by themselves, but flee they must.

She then saw Tristan ride up, her heart surged just at the sight of him. She saw him speaking to Arthur….

She then saw Arthur looking at the monks bricking up a wall which looked much like a door. He stalked towards it, the mercenaries moved to stop him – he pointed Excalibur at them; she watched proudly as all the other knights, Tristan included, rode to intimidate them with their swords drawn. She smiled as the mercenaries backed off.

She heard Arthur call for Dagonet, ignoring an angry Marius and watched her friend hack down the wall _'Good for you Dag, you show them!'_

After a few minutes inside they came out carrying what looked dead bodies. She heard Arthur shouting for water and saw one of the serfs bringing it over; Jules realised that the bodies were still alive. She started to ride down; she could make out one of them as a child. She saw Cassius lunge at Arthur, this is what she had been waiting for, until now he had merely hovered in the background.

She let loose her bow, her arrow struck him in the groin, then another, and one more struck him in the thigh. As she reached them she saw all the knights' wincing as Cassius lay screaming like a woman on the ground.

Lancelot beamed "We could have taken care of him, you know. But I assume this is the wrong that needed righting….."

"YOU!" screamed Cassius "I will have you put to death…..you _bitch_!"

She walked over to him, shaking her head. Trisan rode forward as did the others.

"Is he the one?" He asked.

She nodded, staring at the man who had haunted her nightmares and tormented her mind.

Cassius looked at the couple in front of him and then the other knights "Oh, I see how it is! You pleasure them in ways you would never pleasure me….you...ARRRRGGGHHHH" he screamed as Jules leant down and calmly pulled her arrows out of his groin twisting them as she did so.

"OOOHHH, he will _not_ be fathering any more bastards!" groaned Bors, with a grin, watching.

"Is payment of debts not painful?" chuckled Lancelot.

Cassius made the mistake of threatening the knights "I will have them _all_ put to death and make you watch, you demon spawn….as I did with all your family, remember my bitch – even your babies!" He grinned evilly, even as he rolled in agony.

She stood and watched him for a moment; they could all see the fury building in her…

"What, nothing to say?" Marius this time"You always had plenty to say when I came to visit. Oh, that was until he gutted your father…."

She looked at him and smiled, keeping her eyes locked with Marius she swooped with her swords; plunging both straight into Cassius' stomach she slipped them in opposite directions. Then she turned them and then pulling them sideways she removed most of his intestines with the twisted swords through the opening. This was all done in a blink of an eye.

"Now that _had_ to hurt!" grinned Gawain.

Marius screamed…..as his brother lay dying; she brought one of her swords down and took his head, before pushing the other through his heart.

"Well, I think we can safely say he is definitely dead." Said Galahad looking on in wonder "she is marvellous, is she not!"

They noticed she was mouthing words over the now dismembered corpse.

"What is she saying?" asked Bors.

"She is asking that her ancestors be appeased for any past weaknesses on her part, by the killing of the one that defiled her, her family and many innocents." said Tristan quietly.

"How do you know? I mean, can you read her lips?"

"A bit, but it is also a ritual killing my tribe would carry out."

She walked over to the boy and Horton, wiping her dripping swords on the grass. She took her tablet:

I am sorry you had to see that.

She gave it to to the cleric… "It is no matter, after what you have suffered." He inclined his head "I will pray for your forgiveness, God will understand."

"She needs not your God's forgiveness! She has suffered enough by those who represent _your_ God." Lancelot growled at him.

She patted Horton's arm and smiled. Then she went to Lancelot pulled his arm forward so leaned low in his saddle and hugged him tight. She looked deep into his eyes and kissed his cheek... "You are welcome" he grinned.

"What was that about?" asked Galahad.

"She was thanking me for sticking up for her; but I also get the feeling I was being relieved of duty!" Lancelot smiled.

She nodded at Dag, he looked at Horton as he tended the boy. "His arm is broken."

He looked at Dagonet "His family?" The knight shook his head.

She knelt down and hugged the little boy; she looked expectantly at Dag "his name is Lucan; I would say he is about 7." She hugged him all the tighter.

Tristan rode over and touched her arm, she looked up and smiled sadly – he raised an enquiring eyebrow:

My last baby, a boy, would have been the same age now.

Dagonet read it out, with a voice thick with emotion – both for the boy and the woman before him.

Tristan closed his eyes and nodded. The other knights looked away as tears suddenly swam in their eyes.

She was vaguely aware of an altercation between Marius and Arthur. But she saw Marius hit his wife and then Arthur punch him out and put Excalibur to his throat.

As his mercenaries stepped forward she felled three with her bow.

Lancelot smiled "I like the new improved Jules….she is _feisty_!"

She turned to him and smiled. She heard Marius threatening Arthur and walked over swinging her blades as Lancelot had taught her. With her blades swinging above his stomach and Excalibur at his throat Marius backed down.

She went to the fire that was burning in the village, she took her saddlebag and tipped all the books into the fire save two, a red and the green one she had given to Horton, and then walked away beaming; another host of demons fading into the smoke.

Tristan smiled, she was recovering……


	14. Payback P2

**_Disclaimer: Same as Chapter 1 - so _please,_ for the love of _God,_ don't keep making me write it out people:O)_**

_**All reviews, and constructive criticism, gratefully received – but no flaming please; and I will try to update regularly.**_

**_WARNING: BAD LANGUAGE AND VIOLENCE, SO READ AT YOUR OWN PERIL. _**

'_**Thoughts'**_

"_**Speech"**_

_**-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-**_

_**LITTLE BIRD AND THE HAWK**_

**_Chapter Fourteen– Payback (Part Two)_**

They started making their way back towards the Fort, but it was slow going due to all the people. The knights were convinced they would not outrun the Saxons. Lancelot was all for leaving them behind, especially Lucan and the girl called Guinevere.

Arthur refused, and the dark knight was angry. Jules rode up to him and patted his arm; he glared before realising it was her, and then grinned ruefully "Come to lecture me, little bird?"

She nodded:

You should think of me.

"I do, all the time…." He grinned mischievously.

She batted his arm, and he pretended to fall sideways in great pain:

I mean, what if you had left _me_ behind, back when Tristan found me?

He sighed "You are right of course, as always - do you ever get tired of always being so right?"

She grinned:

Nay…never!

"Well it is not ladylike to gloat so!"

I have **never** said I was a lady, Lancelot!

"You know for a mute, you certainly have an answer for all!" he laughed.

She leant over and kissed his cheek; Dagonet looked on, watching his eyes soften as she did so:

You are a good man Lancelot – always remember that.

He nodded "Go back to your man you wanton woman, and stop flirting with me!" She threw back her head and laughed her silent laugh, before riding back to Tristan.

"I will have to scout soon. You will fare well here?"

She nodded:

Or I could come with you?

"Nay, I want you to be safe - humour me?"

She nodded smiling:

I have much atoning to do…..

"Nay, you can do that tonight." he said, his face passive but his voice heavy with innuendo.

She laughed again, before leaning across and kissing him lightly. He spurred his horse forward and she rode on herself to talk once more with the other knights.

She patted Bors arm "what?"

How are you?

"Fine."

Really?

You sound it.

He laughed "No wonder Van likes you; you are like a dog with a bloody bone!"

She grinned and leant across and hugged him "awww, Birdie! You _are_ my mate are you not?"

She nodded vehemently, grinning.

"What is the matter; you not missing your man already are you?"

She blushed "You have got it bad!" he laughed.

She blushed even more. Galahad rode up "well, _I_ think it is sweet…" She smiled at him.

Lancelot rode past on his way to Arthur, and Bors heard him mutter "I just wish it was me."

Bors gave the knight a startled look, but quickly masked it as Lancelot looked back, though his eyes strayed to Jules and not Bors "what?"

"Naught."

What?

Are you alright Lancelot? Bors read it out.

"Aye, I fare well Jules."

So what is eating at you then?

I might be mute, but I am not blind. She grinned.

"Nay, I can see that!" He returned the grin "In fact with that bloody tablet, I would question the mute these days!"

"_She_ is not alright!" Laughed Galahad "she is missing the scout!" Jules batted his arm "Oww! You vixen!"

"Oh, well he better be back soon then!" smiled Lancelot as he rode forward.

She saw Arthur having a conversation with the Woad girl called Guinevere, they both looked annoyed. She smiled and tapped Dagonet's arm pointing "Aye, I see – you think they like each other?"

She nodded grinning, then she saw an annoyed looking Lancelot staring at the two of them, she nudged Dag again "Hmm…could be!" he laughed, "Trust Lance to do that twice in a row, like a girl who likes someone else more!" he murmured.

Jules gave him an expectant look "I could not say who Birdie; knightly honour and all that!" the large knight smiled and started chatting to Gawain, whilst Jules snorted in derision.

She then saw Lancelot talking to Guinevere as Tristan rode back with news; they went a little further and passed a burnt village, dead bodies were everywhere; all knew it had been the work of the Saxons.

They found a place for the night; Arthur asked Tristan to scout a little way ahead, he had enough time to come for a kiss from Jules.

"I will return in a few hours." With that he rode off, his hawk flying high into the sky.

0-0-0-0

They pitched camp for the night. Once again Jules saw Lancelot watching and then talking to Guinevere. She walked over to him, as the Woad wandered away:

You like her. She waved her tablet under his nose.

"Hmm? She is a fair maid" he shrugged "but I think she has her eye on Arthur."

She acts a bit…..superior for a Woad, does she not?

Lancelot roared with laughter, grabbing her hand and pulling her down beside him "You always cheer me up Jules, which considering you cannot speak is no mean feat!"

Oh you- you are just easily pleased! She punched his arm.

"Madam I fear I am mortally wounded!" He joked and then saw her regarding him sadly. "What is it? What is wrong?" he sobered instantly.

You would have loved my sister, my Tabiti.  
She was much like you, always trying to be the strong one.

"You miss her?"

Every day.  
But I have all of you now.

She sighed.

"What?"

I hope we do not all drift when this over.  
I would hate to lose my family.

"Is that what you think of us, as your family?"

Aye.

"Then that will do." He muttered, drawing her close. They stared out at the night, the mute woman and the dark knight with his arm draped over her shoulders - before starting to joke around again….

Bors watched them sharing jokes and laughing; Jules scribbling away on her tablet and Lancelot chuckling at her. Dagonet had told him what Jules had said and he watched the other man with her. His heart went out to the sad knight; Jules was right, he did have a good heart.

0-0-0-0-0

Tristan returned an hour later, by this time Jules had been chatting to all the knights; she made it look to the mercenaries that they were talking about nothing. But she was warning them to be on their guard; like Dagonet, she knew the mercenaries and Marius were up to something.

She told Tristan, he soothed her as they lay under the tarp, raised in a similar fashion to Dag's. "We can handle them whatever happens; and if _we_ cannot, I am sure you will after what I saw today." He smirked.

He wrapped them in the pelts to keep warm, and hugged her to him. She turned and buried herself in his arms just as she did those first days; one hand on his face and one clutching his shirt.

They lay talking for a while…..

"Are you well?"

You know, I feel better than I have in a long while.

"Good."

Burning the books helped.

"But you did not burn them all?"

Nay.  
I wanted to keep the ones referring to those who are still alive…for now.

"For now? Are you referring to the books or the men?"

Both. She nipped his nose.

"Ah, I see; will you require assistance in dispatching either?"

I doubt it - but it was nice of you to offer.

"Have I told you yet how much I love you?" he whispered against her mouth.

She nodded, dropping her tablet as they kissed deeply – before settling into his arms and falling asleep.

0-0-0-0-0

Tristan left in the early hours to go scouting again, he was concerned about the Saxons getting too close.

Jules was roused by shouting and saw Dagonet fending off some of the mercenaries, with Marius holding Lucan with a knife to his throat.

She was to one side and she realised he could not see her so she strung her bow to take out the mercenaries, and then saw Guinevere stringing hers too.

Marius' wife, who seemed a good woman, tried to make him let loose the boy but he threw her to one side.

As Guinevere's arrow struck Marius in the chest killing him, so she dropped two of the mercenaries.

Lucan ran to Dag who shoved him under the wagon.

As the other mercenaries still went to advance she killed another. As he and Arthur arrived, Lancelot grinned at her then turned to Guinevere "Your hand seems to be better?"

The Woad gave him a dirty look before firing another arrow into the dirt in front of the mercenaries.

Bors came screaming in "_Arturious!_ Do we have a problem?"

The other knights started to surround them, Bors' horse barged two of the mercenaries a few times as Arthur gives them an ultimatum "You have a choice; you help, or you die."

They threw down their weapons and Jols collected them.

Tristan rode up and Jules beamed at him.

"How many did you kill?" Bors asked.

"Four."

"Not a bad start to the day!" He laughed.

Jules saw Tristan drop a crossbow at Arthur's feet "Armour piercing. They are close; we have no time."

"You ride ahead."

Tristan nodded at Arthur before locking eyes with Jules; he dipped his head briefly and she smiled, then he swung his horse round and was gone.

Fulcinia approached Jules "He loves you very much, as you do him….you are very lucky." She smiled sadly.

Jules patted her arm and went to walk away, but the other woman held her there "I am sorry I could not help you….before." Their eyes locked and Jules hugged her, shaking her head smiling.

"She is a good woman, to be so forgiving from what you have told me" Alecto said to his mother; Fulcinia could only nod, her eyes full, as she watched the younger woman walk away.

Jules wandered to Guinevere she took out her tablet:

Thank you, you saved me the bother of killing Marius.  
He got a much quicker death than if I had dealt with him.

"You are welcome, but in that case mayhap I should have left him to you?" the Woad smiled "You are the mute they all adore so much? I have heard them discussing you."

Aye, my name is Jules.

"That is an unusual name."

Not really, it is short for another name I do not like any longer.  
It is unusual for a Woad to read, is it not? Jules smiled and looked enquiringly at the younger woman.

"Point to you." smiled Guinevere "My father felt it would be beneficial to read and write; many of my tribe can."

It is just as well or we would not be having this 'conversation'! Jules smiled.

Both women laughed.

"Ladies, unless you wish to show us your fighting skills with the Saxons, I suggest we leave now?" Lancelot leaned down in his saddle.

Jules opened and closed her hand in a mouth action rolling her eyes; Guinevere looked confused "she is accusing me of being a nag!" laughed Lancelot before riding away.

"Ride in the wagon with me? It would be nice to talk."

Jules shook her head:

I always ride with the knights, they are my family now.  
But I can ride alongside if you wish?

"Aye, you can tell me about them all."

So the rest of the journey was spent laughing about the various idiosyncrasies of her unusual family.

That is until she saw Arthur stop and look stricken, she nodded to Guinevere and rode to him. Tugging his sleeve:

What is it? What has happened, do you ail?

"I fare well enough; it is only that I have just learnt the Rome I was going back to no longer exists, and the man I thought family is dead." His voice was bleak.

Jules leaned across and hugged him. He patted her arm "All is well Little Bird – we all have our losses to bear in this life, you know that better than any."

He was moved by the compassion in her eyes; was this the same woman who was so terrified of him when they first found her that she would try to run away? He smiled at her "much has changed since we first found you, has it not?"

She nodded smiling:

You have all done so much for me Arthur.  
I will never be able to repay your kindness,  
But I am content.  
I have a new family, one my own blood would be proud of.

He swallowed hard "You are an incredible person Jules."

She slapped his arm:

I am me,  
only that – warts and all.

She smiled and leaned across and kissed his cheek, before spurring her horse forward to ride with a disgruntled looking Lancelot.

"She is nice, is she not?" Asked Guinevere.

"She is considering all she has been through." And he began to recount her story, anything to keep his mind from Alecto's words.

0-0-0-0

Jules threw some snow she snatched off a tree at Lancelot and got him square in the back of the head, causing the other knights to crow with laughter.

"You know, you _can_ go off some people!" he grinned as she drew level, before tossing some at her and hitting her in the face.

She pretended to reel and fall off her horse, Gawain only just catching her.

"Jules! Are you alright? I did not mean it!" he grabbed her arm pulling her into a sitting position.

She poked her tongue out at him "You…._evil_ little demon, you! You scared me half to death, not only because I thought I had hurt you, but at the thought of what Tristan would do!" Still it had made him laugh.

She pushed her tablet at him:

Made you laugh though!

"Aye you did – you always do. For all of us Jules, you make the sun come out for all of us!" He smiled.

She quickly rode on to see the little boy. She looked at Dagonet questioningly "he will be alright; I think his fever is almost gone."

She smiled at him and the little boy smiled back. After she had gone he said "She seems a nice lady."

"She is; she lost all her family, including a little boy who would have been about your age now."

"She cannot talk?"

"Not yet, but we hope one day she will. It is only she is too sad right now."

"I see…well, I like her."

"As do we all" Dag smiled.

0-0-0-0-0

A while later they arrive at a large frozen lake, Tristan had rejoined them and he and Jules were riding together in a companionable silence as always.

Arthur had to admit this did not look good. Tristan rode up "Is there any other way?" he asked, though already knowing the answer.

"Nay, we have to cross the ice." The scout replied.

"Get them all out of the carriages. Tell them to spread out."

Even so they could see the ice cracking under their feet.

Arthur sighed. Turning "Knights..."

"Well I am tired of running. And these Saxons are so close behind, my arse is hurting." Bors quipped.

Tristan squeezed Jules hand "Never liked looking over my shoulder anyway.

Dagonet smirked "Here. Now."

"It will be a pleasure to put an end to this racket." Gawain grinned indicating the sound of drums.

"We will finally get a look at the bastards." Galahad smiled.

Lancelot shook his head, knowing this was not a good place to face the Saxons off, but went along with the others.

Arthur put Ganis in charge of the wagons, Guinevere got down with her bow and Jules gathered her weapons too.

"You are not staying" Tristan walked over "go with the others."

I will not!  
I will stay and fight!  
Who in Hades is going to protect us if you lot die.  
And if **you** die I would rather be dead anyway.

He sighed and nodded "so be it. But if aught happens to you I will soon follow."

As I with you, so we are evenly matched.

Twenty minutes later the Saxons arrived. They all stood on the ice eyeing each other.

"I believe they are waiting for an invitation. Bors, Tristan, Jules!"

The three let loose their arrows, felling some of the Saxons, incensed their enemy started marching.

"Aim for the wings make them cluster!" shouted Arthur; all arrows flew and true to the plan the Saxons began to huddle together. The ice was cracking badly under the stress.

They continued firing but the Jules saw the ice would not crack completely.

"Fall back and prepare for combat!" cried Arthur; all knew they would not survive. They looked at each other saying final goodbyes before bracing themselves for the onslaught.

Out of the corner of her eye, Jules saw Dagonet rush forward screaming fiercely with his axe in his hand.

They tried to cover him, but he was hit; he still kept hacking at the ice until finally it broke - he collapsed; Arthur rushed forward with Bors, both trying to help the motionless knight as they dragged him from the icy water and shield him at the same time "Stay with me Dag, stay with me…" Bors was almost crying; as the Saxons began retreating.

A scream rent the air as someone tore across the ice firing arrows wildly into the retreating throng "DAGONET…._NAY_, NOT DAGONET….YOU BASTARDS! YOU SAXON _BASTARDS!_"

All the knights turned…..it was Jules……..….


	15. Do Not Leave Me

**_Disclaimer: Same as Chapter 1 - so _please,_ for the love of _God,_ don't keep making me write it out people:O)_**

_**All reviews, and constructive criticism, gratefully received – but no flaming please; and I will try to update regularly.**_

**_WARNING: BAD LANGUAGE AND VIOLENCE, SO READ AT YOUR OWN PERIL. _**

'_**Thoughts'**_

"_**Speech"**_

_**-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-**_

_**LITTLE BIRD AND THE HAWK**_

**_Chapter Fifteen– Do not leave me_**

They all stood dumbfounded as she rushed up to the limp body of Dagonet. She was silent again now; she cradled his head in her lap, bent down and kissed his cheek. In fact _so_ silent was she, that they truly believed they had imagined her shouting at the retreating Saxons.

The others were rising slowly, even Bors was leaving, going to get Dag's horse to take his body back.

She merely stared at the fallen knight - her heart was breaking; she could actually feel it snapping in two, it was a physical pain just to take a breath.

"Come….." Tristan tried to get her to stand.

She would not; she would not leave him alone out here on the cold ice - not when he had been her best friend, best everything; he had even helped heal her. She would not forsake him now.

'_Her fault…this was all her fault…...again….**again**….she could not save someone she loved; **again** they had perished because she was weak. WEAK! She had persuaded Arthur to take this insane quest….her fault….all her fault….'_

Lancelot came over "What is it?"

"She will not leave him."

"We must make her; this is not right."

They both reached down to help her up, as they did so they thought they heard something - they stopped.

She leant over and chafed his face; then leant so close to him her forehead was touching his "Dagonet? Dagonet? Can you hear me? I hope you can hear me….I am sorry…I am _so_ sorry, Dagonet…I….I could not save you….." She whispered, tears streaming down her face, almost incoherent in her grief.

She cuddled up on the freezing ice with him "I am so sick of death Dagonet – please, I am sick of losing those I love; please do not leave me. Do not leave those that love you so…."

Gawain walked to her "Come on Little Bird……" his voice thick with tears at her obvious grief for the man he considered a brother. "He is in a better place now."

Jules looked up at him, the tears still streaming down her face. "I….I could not save him Gawain….I could not save _any_ of them! My fault…..all my fault….I was weak….I failed him…..failed him…." She rocked over the body, hugging the large knight to her.

"Jules you are crying! You are _talking_!" He exclaimed causing everyone there to suddenly take note; realise they weren't hearing things.

She wiped her face with her fingers and saw wet on them; she licked them stunned, it tasted salty…..tears! She was crying….she was _crying_!

"You can _speak_!" Gawain cried again.

She looked at him in bewilderment shaking her head, and then tried to make a sound "oh!" She clapped her hands over her mouth. Her voice sounding strange to her ears after so much time.

"He would be happy Jules, aye he would; happy that his greatest wish came true, that you could speak again. He was a warrior and warriors never really leave us; he will always be with you." But the young knights voice trembled and she did not believe him.

"I would rather be mute for eternity and have my Dagonet back - than speak and lose him" her voice was raspy with lack of use and the grief that shook it; tears continued to stream down her face; "For I have lost far too many!" She was grieving not only for the fallen knight who was so much to her, but also for the others she had loved and then had cruelly snatched away.

She leant over Dagonet once more "I am sorry Dag, I am so sorry…..I have failed you…. as I always fail…." Her tears fell on his face, and his eyelid twitched. She froze for a moment, then prodded his eye and he moved.

She leapt up; laying his head onto the ice "he is not dead! He is not dead!" she shouted almost hysterically.

"What!" Bors rushed back and fell to his knees, listening over his chest. "She is bloody right; it is weak, but his heart _is_ still beating!"

The knights rushed to help him; only Lancelot and Tristan saw a sobbing Jules rush to her horse "Bastard, he will pay now; _now_ he will pay…" They both knew where she was going and for whom.

"Where is she going?" asked Arthur.

"Back to the fort, for Germanius" replied Tristan running for his horse, with Lancelot in hot pursuit. "Catch us up…."

"I cannot believe it Dag; you dramatic old bastard, you got her her voice back!" Bors grinned kissing the knight on the top of the head. "Do not you ever scare me like that again, you old dog!" He was rewarded with a weak smile, before the other knight lapsed back into unconsciousness.

Bors turned to Arthur "Where is Birdie?"

"Gone for Germanius - a lot of anger and despair has come to the surface today Bors, now it is time for retribution. Did any truly believe she would not want revenge in the end if one more that she loved was made to suffer?"

Bors never heard the last as he, Gawain and Galahad flew for their horses….

Arthur managed to get Dagonet onto his horse, anxious to get back quickly "you have opened a large bucket of worms this day my friend…."He muttered to the knight hanging limply over his saddle.

He looked at Guinevere; she shook her head "I will stay with you……I saw her face as she stood, she will need no aid from I with the one she seeks, trust me."

0-0-0-0-0

As they rode Lancelot asked the question that had been bothering him "Do we really want to stop her killing him?"

"Nay, and we will not."

"We will not?"

"Nay, we will merely stay her until Arthur comes; then it is up to him."

"How do you plan on doing that?"

"I will think of something."

"You could always try kissing her…." Lancelot grinned.

Tristan shot him a sideways look "I know you think more of her than a friend, equally the same as with Guinevere."

"WHAT? I am sorry, I should not shout…….WHAT!"

"I mean it; it is obvious…to all but Jules."

Lancelot sighed, realising he had been more transparent than he thought "I would never act on it in either case."

"I know; but Jules does love you too."

"Aye, as a brother…."

"Better than nothing, better than you will ever get from the Woad."

"Aye, and that is why I only love the little bird the same way. I realise now aught else would be pointless." He smiled sadly.

"Hmm…" Tristan remained unconvinced.

They rode on; hoping they would be able to stall her - but doubting it more and more, both had seen the terrible rage on her face.

0-0-0-0-0

She reached the gates with Tristan and Lancelot coming up fast behind.

She leapt off her horse and rushed into the main room, where the round table was situated. Germanius was lolling in Arthur's chair, his feet on the table; Alecto and his mother sitting further along looking at him with distaste.

Blind rage consumed her; all rational thought left her as a red mist came down over her eyes, and all she wanted was to see him laying as Cassius had done.

His initial lecherous look, when he saw her enter, faded as he saw her draw her two swords with a malevolent flourish and stalk towards him; clearly irate and crying. Determination in every step…..

Horton hovered behind him, a thin smile playing on his lips. _'God's debt would be repaid now it would seem'_; he thought to the brother of Marius, _'and the Lord would be paying back with interest.'_

"Hello _bishop_. Remember me? You certainly look as though you do.

I am the one you helped abuse, who you condoned the torture of, all in the name of your _church_!

Yet _you_ live, whilst my friend" She tried to swallow her tears, her throat sore "my good and _noble_ friend lies fighting for his life on the icy lake where I have left him; he may yet die." Lancelot and Tristan skid to a halt at the door.

"_You_ sent him to his death, to rescue the brutal brother of my torturer and his pathetic offspring. A _weak little boy_ who will end as corrupt and perverted as you; but so long as Alecto is the next pope you care naught for the welfare of others.

My friend" she started to cry once more "is close to death - because of _you_!

My parents" sobs racked her body. "My _SISTER_…" she fought for control, but tears flowed freely, too many years of being ignored "my _little _sister…." She twisted her head in agony at the memory "My _BABIES_…..all dead….no burial for them, just burnt on a rubbish heap." Lancelot and Tristan both flinched; Bors, Galahad and Gawain ran in, disbelief written on their faces at what they had just heard. But she was blind to all but the bishop.

"Seven years I have not spoken except in nightmares, seven years I have not heard my own voice, I have not grieved nor shed a tear for those I loved because my grief was ambrosia to him; and I _would not_ give him the satisfaction.

My dear friend, my _BROTHER, _lays fighting for his life; all my other family dead, the Saxons march on us….and I may yet lose more of those I have come to love more than my own life.

Lancelot, Bors, Galahad and Gawain….even Arthur….a roman…..I love them all with all my heart and especially my Tristan; but I may yet end this life alone.

So tell me bishop, tell me why I should spare you; give me just one good reason" she turned her head in a weaving way as if trying to see him differently, trying to understand the monster before her. "And I will leave you be.

Just one, that is all I want" she was still crying, and the rage within her built further at the pathetic terror on his face. "Why _you_ should live, when they died; why you should have a life they have been denied. Why you are healthy, when one I love dearly lies mortally wounded…

My Dagonet, my noble knight…my friend….my _brother_…." She was crying hard again.

Alecto moved behind her and she spun out with the other sword; threatening him until he smiled sadly, dipping his head and returned to his seat.

She then moved the two swords back to form a scissors action either side of the bishop's head, "Just one reason to spare you….you cannot come up with a single one?" she moved the blades so they nicked his skin either side of his neck, causing him to flinch and sweat….."Horton, tucked under my shirt at the back there are two books - give them to the _boy;_ let him see the _holy mother church_ he will serve, and the proud roman stock he comes from where men butcher babies for _fun!_" She spat.

Horton calmly did as he was bid "Do not aid _her!_" cry the bishop "She is a devil, a demon!"

"Nay sire, that is you - for I have read the journal she was forced to keep on you. Every action you carried out against her goes against our most sacred teachings."

Alecto took the volumes and began to read the green one; horror crossing his normally placid face, even as the Bishop began to stammer explanations and apologies.

The swords stayed in place, after just a few minutes he closed the book "I need not read more; if she kills you it is God's judgement, for you are no man of His holy teachings."

Jules smiled thinly "It seems all desert you Bishop; your day of reckoning is at hand and you face it alone…"

Bors edged up to her "Birdie? He is not worth it; truly he is not."

She still could not look at him, feeling she had let him down by not protecting Dagonet better. "Will you not look at your old mate, Birdie?"

"I _cannot_!" she cried out "I cannot Bors; I let you down, I let Dag down! I could not protect your friend, your _brother_…I am worthless, useless!"

"Do not ever say that!" Lancelot growled "we all love you Jules!"

"Dagonet may yet live; and to me you are all; we care." Tristan's calm and soothing voice cut through her grief as he walked very slowly to her.

As she looked at him she saw a movement as the bishop drew a hidden dagger, she spun a blade round and cut off the hand that held it. Jules turned on her heels and left, with Tristan in hot pursuit.

The bishop screamed as blood poured from the stump, no one moved to help; until eventually Gawain sighed and threw him a rag to stem the flow whilst Galahad picked up the box he knew contained their papers.

He turned to Alecto, "I do not suppose you have a problem with me taking this?" He asked him indicating the box.

"Nay, you deserve it…"

"Will there be trouble for her?" Gawain looked at him.

"Nay, once this book is seen, he will be dismissed from the Church; I have much influence there and will see to it. I am not as weak as she thinks and I will try to do right."

They nodded non-commitally; they believed him about the bishop, but agreed with Jules - once he got there and experienced the power, he would end his days as corrupt as the man now bleeding and screaming like a stuck pig in front of them.

0-0-0-0-0-0

Outside Tristan caught up to Jules, he tried to get her to stop as she muttered to herself "He will kill me now – but I do not care. I have made sure that they will never torture again.

I do not care what happens to me, it is at my hand he suffers. He cannot harm any of you. That is all I care about; I care not for me….only you…only my knights….only my _scout_…" her voice hitched with tears again.

He made her stop, turning by the shoulders to face him "_I_ care, we all care Jules….I love you." he swallowed, this was not easy for him; this was not his way, but he had to make her understand - understand how much he loved her "If he kills you then he best kill me too, for I will not live without you."

She clung to him then, sobbing once more; she went to speak….Galahad came running up "Arthur's here and he wants to see you Jules."

She strode back into the meeting room.

"Lancelot has spoken for you, saying it was the bishop's fault for trying to stab you. Alecto, Fulcinia and Horton have agreed." Arthur spoke, glad he wasn't there as he doubted he would want to save the man who caused so much hurt not only to Jules and others, but to himself - his mind thinking of Pelagius.

"He will leave tomorrow with the caravan to Rome; he may not survive the long trip, but whatever happens that is God's will. Alecto has said he gives his word none of us, least of all you, will be held responsible for what has happened; he will give both the books to the Pope and ensure we are left in peace."

The boy nodded and stood, taking his mother's arm, left the room. Horton followed him, all heard Alecto say "you showed spirit, you will serve me now."

"For a little weasel he sure lands on his feet well" muttered Gawain with a smirk.

"Where is Dagonet? I want to see him."

"In his room…" before Arthur could say more, she was gone.

She spent the rest of the day with the large knight.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0

She burst into his room"Dagonet? It is me, Jules - look, I can speak!

You did that….the shock of……the shock of….seeing you…..fall….it touched me here" she touched her heart "and here" she touched her head "and I can speak!"

Suddenly the false brightness was gone; she went to his bedside and knelt down, taking one of his huge rough hands in her tiny ones. "Please Dagonet, you are worlds to me; you cannot leave me.

I cannot lose a big brother I rely on to guide me and listen to me; _please_ Dagonet, you _have_ to live!"

Bors and Van stood by the door, tears falling. "She loves you daft buggers an awful lot, does she not?" she smiled through the tears.

"Aye that she do" he sighed "she thinks she is to blame….she thinks _I_ blame her."

"For what?"

"This – Dag. But I do not, how can I blame her? It were not any of us at fault; it was just him losing his bloody mind and deciding to play the bloody hero instead of leaving it to me!" he ground out, hurt in his face despite trying to make light in his tone. "I cannot lose him Van……"

"You will not, _she_ will not let you. She will nag him to stay; they will chuck him out just to shut her up!" she hugged the old softy stood next to her "she has got a funny voice has she not? I was expecting it to be…..I dunno, different some how….but it is almost sing-song, very…..soft and lilting is it not?"

"Not when she shouts, trust me!" He hugged her "love you."

"Awww Bors…..I love you too. Go to her……"

He did; and Van watched as he patted her arm, the way she always did with him and then kissed her cheek. She looked surprised; before throwing her arms round his neck and sobbing her sorry's into his shoulder, as the usually gruff knight comforted and cried with her for the sick friend they both loved so much.

0-0-0-0-0

Because she stayed with Dagonet so long Jules missed the arrival of the Saxons, and the argument between Lancelot and Arthur.

But she was there when Dagonet's eye fluttered open "Jules?"

"Dagonet? Dagonet, oh Dagonet!" She smothered him in kisses…

"Jules?" he said again.

"What?"

"Shut up….I could not even die in peace" he grinned at her "I never realised what a chatterbox you would be…."

She grasped him again, "You did not leave me, you did not leave me!" sobbing and laughing into his shoulder.

"Would a big brother ever leave his little sister all alone?"

"Dagonet, oh Dagonet…." The large knight managed to move painfully to hug her back.

That was how Arthur found them when he came to check on his friend.


	16. Final Confrontations

**_Disclaimer: Same as Chapter 1 - so _please,_ for the love of _God,_ don't keep making me write it out people:O)__ Rozhanitsa is a genuine Sarmatian name that I found online, the same as Tabiti. Tabiti is the name of a Sarmatian Goddess. The _****_Iazyges,_****_ Rhoxolani and Aorsi tribes are genuine Sarmatian tribes….along with the Alan's (also known as the Alani's) and the Taiphali. _**

_**All reviews, and constructive criticism, gratefully received – but no flaming please; and I will try to update regularly.**_

**_WARNING: BAD LANGUAGE AND VIOLENCE, SO READ AT YOUR OWN PERIL. _**

'_**Thoughts'**_

"_**Speech"**_

_**-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-**_

_**LITTLE BIRD AND THE HAWK**_

_**Chapter Sixteen–Final Confrontation**_

She left Dag to sleep after telling the others she thought he would be alright. They were all subdued and so she went to seek out Arthur.

"What is wrong? Why is everyone so upset and it is not just about Dag, is it?"

"The Saxons are here."

"I see - well, if there is to be a battle I will fight too; I would rather be out there helping those I care for. I would willingly die to ensure those I love survive."

"They all wish to leave." He sighed.

"They will not; they will not leave you…"

"They will not fight for a cause no longer their own, or for a Roman commander; I would not ask it of them".

She slapped his face, and then kissed his cheek "Never, _never_ say that again. They will not fight for those things, true; but they _will_ fight for you! They will fight for their leader, their friend and the man they consider a brother. They would _die_ for you Arthur, remember that!"

"But their minds are made up; Lancelot's the most."

"Then you do not know them or understand them as well as you think; they would never let you face the Saxons alone."

Sighing, she went to leave; his voice made her turn "It is as I suspected…."

"What is?"

"Your voice is as wise as your tablet was….." He smiled at her "and your hand as hard as your lips are soft!" he rubbed his cheek ruefully as she walked off grinning.

"_I_ will fight with you Arthur; come what may, _I_ will fight with you…" she called out to him.

0-0-0-0-0

She found Lancelot looking out over the battlements "so you are going?"

He nodded, silently.

"Why lie?"

He looked at her "I am not, I _will_ die in battle Jules, of that I am certain; but, as I told Arthur once, I want it to be at least one of my own choosing. I simply do not choose this one."

She turned him to face her, hugged him and kissed his cheek; he dragged her to him hugging her tightly "come with me…." He whispered urgently "come with _us_…."

She shook her head "I cannot, this is my home now – my land. I have been here longer than I was ever in Sarmatia. What have I got to return to? All I knew and loved are dead; my old tribe would not want me now. The lands are still controlled by Rome; at least here I can be free."

He nodded sadly; she lifted his chin to look her in the eye "You will not die on _any_ battlefield while I have breath in my body Lancelot. You are all my life, you knights; I would sacrifice my own before I saw any of you perish.

But you - you are special to me; you and Dag. I do not know why, but you are. Dag is so like Tris in some ways, though he makes me laugh too.

But you……" she sighed and shook her head "you tug at my heart so hard, and make me sad Lancelot – because _you_ always seem so sad; and lonely, and I hate that for you. You love wrongly, are passionate and brutal and yet I love you like you were my own blood.

I could no more imagine you no longer in my life, than I could imagine the sun not rising on the morrow. There is a depth to you that only I see, and that is sad; it is sad you pretend to be something you are not. You could be happy if you let yourself; maybe you could try……one day."

He crushed her to him "never leave us Jules; just never leave us. I do not know what we would do without you; I do not know what _I_ would do."

She hugged him back "would I let my brother wander without his sister, for you are all brothers to me Lance – my tribe now; and you are my favourite of them all - the tears I shed today for Dag are but a puddle to the tears I would shed for you if aught harm befell you."

Bors watched from a distance, she was a wise woman; had let him down gently and he had accepted her offer. Mayhap she had twigged more than they thought, or mayhap she was just as soft as on the inside as he was. He grinned, probably the latter for he knew she had a heart as big as the wall itself.

Tristan walked up and surveyed the scene in front of him "Jealous?" asked Bors, sobering. Wondering what the scout would do…

"Nay, I trust her."

"Good, you should - she loves you more than aught else."

"I know. I was lucky to find her; if it had been Lancelot…"

"Nay mate; you and she would still have found each other, trust me."

The scout smiled and went to walk away.

"Tristan?"

"Aye?" he neither stopped nor turned.

"She is staying; she intends to fight on the morrow."

His step paused for a brief moment, before continuing "Then so do I."

"Thought as much; it seems we all will then! Good, I hate missing out on a bloody battle!" he looked down on Gawain who had been wrestling Galahad.

His voice floated up "well, I beat you two out of three – so we stay!" They walked off laughing.

If Arthur had seen he would have known Jules had been right, they would not let him fight alone.

0-0-0-0-0-0

A while later there was a scream from the room that Germanius occupied, having been unceremoniously evicted from Arthur's rooms.

He staggered out into the compound, shrieking in pain; he then started cursing Arthur and the knights saying he would have them all put to death for harbouring a murderess. Everyone came running.

Jules walked across the compound, unsheathing her swords as she stalked purposefully towards him "You should not have said that; none threatens my family and lives!" she called.

Two swords entered his stomach, a quick flick made a larger opening and then they were twisted and pulled out sideways; disembowelling him in less than 30 seconds. She beheaded him and then stabbed him through the chest.

"My family, my ancestors, this is the last to defile our name; this is the last to bring shame to me and the tribe of the Iazyges. His blood will cleanse my shame; and you can now pass through the veil and mists to the other side, and await me until it is my time to join you."

Arthur approached her "Your ancestors are appeased now?"

"Aye…"

"Of course explaining his absence will be a problem." He smiled ruefully.

"My Lord?" Horton approached "my new master and I feel that the Bishop and his father became so frightened that they did not wait for the caravan, and tried to leave under the cover of darkness. They were seen being intercepted by the Saxons; we tried to go to their aid, but to no avail and saw them die at the hands of our enemy." He dipped his head.

"Umm….thank you." Arthur was surprised.

Jules patted Horton's arm and he raised his head and smiled "You have suffered much my lady; no one sees point to making it more."

Alecto approached Jules "I am not the weak child you think, nor will I become the monster you suspect. I wish to do right, and I think this was just such a case."

Jules dipped her head "My thanks, though I care naught what happens to me – I did fear for the knights."

"You are a revelation to me, and I think it a shame you will not be travelling to Rome with us. You could do great things there with me as your Patron."

"Thank you, but my place is here with my family."

"I understand….but…" he placed a parchment into her hand "If you should ever change your mind, this will give you and yours safe passage to me and grant you access to me in person."

She smiled, accepting the paper "All I ask is you prove me wrong Alecto, that is all."

"I will, I most certainly will."

Jols wandered over "You know, you did not have to go to all that trouble…."

"Why not?"

"He screamed because I was cauterising the wound; what a baby, do you remember Arthur when I had to cauterise Percival's hand when he lost those three fingers, and how he never made a sound? Well that coward screamed like a little girl!

Still, I used an old hoof iron for the horses and silly me, I forgot to wash it; so it was covered in horse muck and the Goddess only knows what else - it would most definitely have infected it……" he walked away grinning "Still, women are always so bloody impatient."

Jules ran over and hugged him "Jols you are a demon!"

"Nay, but I _am _loyal to my knights and their ladies; and whilst I never read the books, Gawain and Galahad told me of their content" He kissed her hand "My lady; I suppose I better get the rubbish cleaned up!" he smiled indicating the corpse.

Alecto walked over and gave her the last two books "I do not feel the need to keep these now, I am sure you wish to dispose of them?" She nodded and thanked him; walking to the meeting room, she found Lucan there.

She threw the books into the fire and stood watching them burn.

"Why did you do that?"

"I had no need of them now."

"Were they important?"

"Nay, they just held old demons - nightmares I have now let go." She watched them fall to ash, the smoke rising up the chimney. "I am free now."

Suddenly the little boy looked "You are talking!"

"Aye and Dagonet will live…"

Lucan's face lit up "He will!"

She knelt in front of him "Did no one tell you little man?"

"Nay, nay, none came for me – he will live, you are sure?"

"Aye that I am - let us go……"

"I will take the little scamp" Lancelot entered the room. "Tristan is keen to speak with you; he has not seen you properly since we returned."

He moved aside to take Lucan to see Dagonet, she could hear their voices drifting up the corridor, and then Tristan was there.

He swept her into his arms and marched silently to their room. Kicking open the door as they entered and then booting it closed behind him.

He stood her on her feet "Well?" He looked expectantly at her.

"I love you; have I told you? I love you Tristan! It feels so good to _say_ it! At last! To shout it - I LOVE YOU TRISTAN!" he kissed her to shut her up, but the kiss soon deepened.

"I plan to fight tomorrow Tristan" she sighed, finally breaking the kiss "I cannot let Arthur fight alone."

"Then so will I, for I cannot let either of you face the Saxons unaided by me."

"What if we get separated on the battlefield? How will I know if you are safe?"

"My hawk will never leave me so long as I live." He smiled before adding "You will not need _your_ hawk now to protect you….." She stopped him with another kiss.

"I will _always_ need my hawk; for love, for protection and for just being him. I love you Tristan; with all my heart, body and soul I am yours. You were the one who brought me out of the dark dungeon in my mind and showed me the sun. Showed me I could be loved by a good man with a wonderful heart; a man so loving that he would accept me no matter what."

"It is _because_ you are who you are, that I love and accept you Jules."

"What? I did naught."

"You struggled to survive. You trusted me when I gave you no reason to; you accepted much on my word alone." He kissed her "Have I told you how much I love you?"

"All the time, and now I can tell you too…..but Tristan?"

"What?"

"I would rather you show me" she smiled "when you love me like that, you show me the Heavens…." She whispered.

His kisses deepened and they sank to the bed, his arms tight about her "I love you Jules, I always will. Trust me, never leave me……" he groaned against the bare skin of her neck as he tugged her shirt off.

They loved each other long into the night; both revelling in the fact she could talk to him of her love now, murmur her pleasure and release - and both shutting out the coming battle, the thought that this might be their last night together.

0-0-0-0-0-0

Arthur was pleased and honoured when the next morning the caravan rolled out without his knights, his brothers.

Jules smirked as they saddled up to ride to meet the Saxons with their allies, the Woads. "Told you they would not let you fight alone!"

"Are you always right?"

"She is a _woman_ is she not?" laughed Lancelot "when are they ever _wrong_?"

She thumped him "_you_ are going to die before you even meet the bloody enemy!"

The dark knight merely laughed.

"Alright?" Tristan asked her.

"Aye, born in a saddle, sword in hand – ready to battle for family and land; well you are my family, knights - and this is now _my_ land" she smiled.

"RRRROOOOUUUUSSSSSSS!" They all yelled, including Jules, together galloping down the hill.

The battle was fierce and it was going well for them; but she was concerned about the knights. Jules had been fighting whilst trying to keep an eye on all of them.

She saw Gawain get hurt; though he got up and continued fighting, then she saw Tristan square up to the Saxon leader. "NAY! Tristan, NAY!" But he could not hear her over the fighting.

She ran to him hacking heads and limbs as she went; finally reaching him as the Saxon ran his arm through, she threw a dagger hitting him in the shoulder causing him to let go of Tristan who crawled away; Arthur had already been on his way forward and came to the leader "He will die by _my_ sword Jules - go."

She was going to go to Tristan; but then saw the other Saxon – the one from the ice, the one who hurt Dag – about to fire a crossbow at Lancelot. She ran with all her might, but saw him aim; Tristan's words came to her from the camp that morning when Marius was killed _'they are armour piercing…' _

"LANCELOT…._LANCELOT!_ She screamed in panic; he swung round and saw the Saxon, moving almost too slowly to the side. Guinevere was trying to get there too; but Jules was nearer, she pulled her other dagger from her boot and threw it with all her might - it hit the Saxon in the throat, he gasped and let loose the bolt as he fell to his knees. It hit Lancelot in the shoulder, knocking him backwards.

"LANCELOT!" she screamed, running to warring men "nay, nay, nay, nay - for once please God please do not let me fail…." She took the Saxon's head without even stopping, and then she reached Lancelot.

He was lying on his back "What took you so long little bird?"

"How fare you!"

His eyes burned at her for a moment, then he grinned "I will not be twirling blades for a while…."

"I could kill you – how can you jest!"

"Oh well, typical wench – save me, only to kill me yourself!" He laughed, relieved to be alive and knowing it was she that had saved him; but she could see he was in great pain.

"Come, come….we must find the others…." She helped him to his feet and they staggered away to find Tristan and the other knights.

"I told you I would not let you die on a battlefield whilst there was breath in my body!" she grinned.

"True, and as always you keep to your word; but could you not have saved me _before_ that bastard stuck me with this!" He grinned pointing to the bolt in his shoulder as they staggered on.

"Lancelot! You impossible git!"

Guinevere watched them go, the large dark knight leaning heavily on the small woman who supported him. Their eyes alight with affection; his a different love to hers but one he would keep secret for always. The Woad knew she had lost him; oh he would always care for her, but he would never act on it no more than he would with Jules.

She sighed; but there was Arthur, she did love him – mayhap more than the passing attraction she felt for Lancelot; and it was all turned out as Merlin had said. She took a deep breath, then so be it – she would marry the man who would be king and she would be happy….the fates had decided for her.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0

They found Tristan; Jules lowered Lancelot beside the scout. "Tristan, Tristan!" She looked up at the sky "Oh thank the Goddess she has not left!"

"Who has not left?" said Gawain peering up and not seeing anything.

"The _hawk_ – she will not leave him while he still lives; he told me that."

"You remember _all_ I say?" Tristan groaned opening his eyes.

"Tristan, oh Tristan; you frightened me; what is it with you bloody men and trying scare me to death?" She thumped him; he groaned, then she smothered him in kisses.

"She a contrary little bird is she not?" grinned Bors coming up "Smacking you one minute and slobbering all over you the next."

Tristan stared at her, his face passive as always, but the love radiated out of his eyes. "I care not…."

She leant over him, her eyes locking with his "I love you….I really do love you."

Arthur arrived and saw the pain for a moment in Lancelot's eyes "Are you alright…you look sad." he murmured.

Lancelot smiled "I will fare better soon enough, but I plan to find me one just like her." He nodded at Jules.

"Ah….I thought you liked Guinevere?"

"Aye, and she loves _you_." he smiled at the pleasure in Arthur's eyes "Nay I am happy to find a copy of Jules; of course that will mean staying here."

Jules heard the last part and launched herself at him knocking him over "Mind my shoulder, you bloody idiot!" he groaned with a grin; hugging her back.

"Sorry, sorry."

Galahad came over "He wants one just like you…."

"Well, there is a new girl at the tavern called Rozhanitsa, she is apparently an Aorsi. She is so like my sister it is quite weird, if it was not for the fact she was born before my sister died I would say she is a reincarnation – Van introduced us!" she laughed "with all the Romans gone, I will come to the tavern now -I will introduce you Lance."

He grinned; mayhap staying would not be so bad…..

0-0-0-0-0-0

They all staggered to their feet and helped each other down the hill. Arthur wandered behind as they started laughing and joking with each other, his face full of pride at those before him…..

"She never hit _me_!" Lancelot's voice.

"She loves _me_…." Tristan's placid tone.

"Right, so - for me to know a woman loves me she has to beat me up? I do not know that I will bother with love!" Gawain laughed.

"Van is always battering me, and she _says_ she loves me….." Bors voice floated back amid much laughter.

"I _want_ to fall in love; I do not care if she hits me!" Galahad said.

"Wimp!" laughed Gawain shoving him; he shoved back and they both fell over. Gawain groaning as his bad arm hit the dirt.

Jules picked him up, and shoved Galahad over again herself "Galahad! That was not very nice was it? Poor Gawain! How fare you Gawain?"

Arthur watched as Gawain pulled a pained face whilst Jules hugged him, sticking his tongue out at Galahad over her shoulder.

"You bloody bastard!" the youngest knight moaned at the injustice.

"Galahad; be nice!" Jules admonished, separating them by standing in the middle.

"Yeah, be nice Gal!" Gawain smirked.

Arthur laughed out loud - they were such little beggars those two; always had been, maybe he should warn her.

He watched Tristan move painfully over to her and drape his good arm over her shoulder "Come here woman, and keep your man company…" he heard him growl good-naturedly.

She almost burrowed into him; her love and devotion as apparent as his. Clucking her worry at his arm, whilst he ignored it; keen to just hold her, have her near him again. Knowing that she had saved him now as he had saved her….

Arthur sighed.

"What is it?" Guinevere made him jump.

"I would like that kind of love, would not you?" he pointed at Tristan and Jules, walking back towards the fort arms round each other and sharing deep looks.

"Of course, who would not?" she paused "_We_ could be that happy."

He looked surprised "We could?"

"Do you love me Arthur?"

"Aye; but….I thought….." he did not finish.

"That I loved Lancelot? Nay, I like him" She stared at the knight whose retreating form was laughing at Jules whilst Bors held him up "and always will as a friend – even had a passing attraction to him – but it is _you_ I _love_."

He held out his arms and she walked into them; sighing contentedly she hugged him closer. She felt at home now, and knew this was where she belonged.

He looked down at her and then at the knights; Jules' voice floated up to him "Let us go and see Dag! We can get patched up at the same time."

Followed by Bors "He is going to be so pissed he missed this!"

They all laughed….


	17. Confessions

**_Disclaimer: Same as Chapter 1 - so _please,_ for the love of _God,_ don't keep making me write it out people:O)_**

_**All reviews, and constructive criticism, gratefully received – but no flaming please; and I will try to update regularly.**_

**_WARNING: BAD LANGUAGE AND VIOLENCE, SO READ AT YOUR OWN PERIL. _**

'_**Thoughts'**_

"_**Speech"**_

**_-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-_**

_**LITTLE BIRD AND THE HAWK**_

**_Chapter Seventeen–Confessions_**

They all went back and got themselves patched up. Tristan's wound was worse than they thought; it was deep and bleeding freely by the time they got back to the fort. The village healer made a mess of Lancelot's shoulder as he ripped the bolt out.

They both got sick, as the wounds got infected. Bors raged at the healer saying if Dag had been alright none of this would have happened. Dagonet was meticulous about cleaning wounds, but the old healer was not so fussy.

Jules took over; she was injured herself but took care of her own wounds, the wounds of the other knights and some of the Woads. She was no healer; but the fact that she herself and the others she treated fared well and recovered quickly, bore out the fact that she was better than the alternative.

It was decided that when Dagonet was well enough he would start to teach her how to be a healer, so they had some cover if he was ever sick or injured again. They hoped Arthur would persuade Merlin to teach her some of his healing arts as well.

Gawain, Galahad, Bors and Arthur had looked on in horror as she had stitched her own wounds on her thigh and her side. The Woads had murmured in appreciation that a woman was so strong.

She never flinched once; she may as well have been stitching a blanket. She glanced and saw the knights wincing faces and sighed at them "worry not, I am used to it. Who do think cared for me in the pit? Even if he ordered someone to patch me up because I was too broken and battered to do it myself, they would not be gentle about it."

Lancelot was watching her and could not believe it "Well, I think it takes guts, none of us have ever done it."

"Nay, because you have Dag…." She smiled warmly at the big knight "if he was well enough, neither would I; but needs must."

Tristan watched her working intently, and then he glanced at the healer's handiwork. "I want _her_ to fix me." He was adamant; and because of this he was subsequently not as sick as Lancelot.

She spoke to Merlin and he advised on what to do for the more serious wounds as he tended to his own multitude of injured.

Finally she spent three days sat between the two knights before anything happened.

Lancelot had been tossing and turning for hours "Jules, Jules….."

"Lancelot, I am here" she grasped his hand, but quickly realised he was not awake, that his fever was reaching a peak that would either break or kill him. She glanced across at Tristan; thankfully his fever had broken a few hours ago and she knew now he would recover.

"Lancelot?" freeing herself, she wiped his face with a damp cloth.

He swatted at it and grabbed her hand once more, staring at her with fevered eyes "I love you…..Jules…..I love you….with all my heart, but….but I can never tell you….because…..you love my _brother_…." The last word was almost a cry.

She sat there stunned; at first she thought he was just telling her how much she meant to him as a friend, a sister. But now – she did not understand, he knew she loved Tristan; she glanced across and saw him staring at her. Her eyes immediately filled with love for the quiet man next to her. She saw the love in his eyes, but also something else……..he already _knew_!

Tristan's eyes had fluttered open at Lancelot's fevered words and he had seen the horrified and sad look on Jules' face. Then she looked at him and her eyes had been filled with such love, until he could see her realising he already knew about Lancelot's feelings.

"Tristan….oh, Tristan; why did you not tell me?"

He looked away"I thought I might lose you…"

"Do you not trust me?" she asked, hurt.

"Aye, I trust you. But I see him; so handsome, passionate and wild; someone who would sweep you off your feet and make love to you, someone who would show the world his love for you. He makes you laugh, and I know you love him dearly.

Then there is me" he sighed "I am not handsome; am quiet and do not talk much…." She silenced him with a deep kiss.

"What did I tell you before Tristan, that night? That is not your way, and I love you the _more_ for it. Yours is a quiet love, the _best_ kind; no grand gestures, no loud declarations. Just constant and unwavering…..that to me is all. Then you kissed me deeply and said "I love my little bird, and would do all for her."

She paused, easily moved to tears these days, took a deep breath and smiled at him "What more could I want? If I was unhappy I could take up with Lancelot. But I am not; no man could ever take your place in my heart and soul - and as for not being handsome!" She tugged his plaits "You are very handsome, I love your wild hair" she pushed it out of his eyes "But most of all I love your eyes, those brown orbs that tell me without words how much you love me; you light my nights and fill my days - so shut up!" she kissed him again.

He grinned "Have I told you how much I love you?"

She tugged one of his plaits again and then kissed him once more "that is all you have told me for three days……" He arched an eyebrow. "Listen, I have a witness!" she pointed to Dag, who smiled and nodded.

"Aye, you have – all we have heard for three days is "tell Jules I love her" and "Jules I love you'" the big knight laughed. "She was lapping it up and was constantly hugging you. I think you might get some ribbing from the others - especially Arthur and Bors who have been here quite a bit!"

"I am glad to see you recovering Dag; she would not have coped with the loss of you….." He studiously ignored the other comments.

The other knight grinned as Jules came over and gave him some water, patted his arm and kissed his cheek; before hugging him. The change in her was wonderful – as was hearing her voice, no longer slightly husky through lack of use, and the same for her laugh.

Dagonet rolled over and pretended to go back to sleep, intent on giving the couple some time 'alone'.

Tristan watched her intently as she came to check his wounds; she leaned over him, gently cleaning it and then re-bandaging it. He pulled her into his arms, kissing her deeply. She relaxed against him for a moment, kissing him back wholeheartedly before drawing breathlessly back.

His arms did not relax around her and she looked at him questioningly, their eyes locked "Marry me." He whispered.

"What!"

"Marry me – do you not wish to?"

She flung herself on him, kissing him and hugging him. "I will take that as an agreement then, or has the shock struck you dumb once more?" He looked at her with a straight face, but eyes full of merriment.

"What? Oh, aye Tristan, aye I will marry you…." She hugged him tightly, making him groan in pain slightly.

"Sorry, sorry….." she went move back.

"It is no matter." He would not release her.

Dagonet, laying on his side away from them, grinned pleased their little bird was finally going to be happy; then glanced across at Lancelot….from what Bors had told him, his poor brother was about to get his heart broken.

0-0-0-0-0

As it was Lancelot did not take the news as badly as expected, Jules was advised by Arthur not to say anything to the knight after his fever broke and he began to recover.

He had been gravely ill, and at one point all thought he would die. As she had at Dagonet's bedside, so had Jules begged at Lancelot's. And as she had told him her tears would be more for him, so they were.

But finally the fever broke and he began to make his way back to the world of the living. It was another two weeks before he began to recover in any real way and by that time both Dagonet and Tristan had left the room they used as an infirmary.

Jules ignored Arthur's advice; she had learnt from her own experiences that to deal with anything that haunted you was to face it head on. She loved Lancelot deeply, very deeply; just not in the way he wanted. But she would not let him go on hoping that one day mayhap he may be more, when she knew that day would never come.

"Little bird, you still here?" his eyes opened again after yet more sleep, but she could see he was recovering.

"Aye, Lancelot – I will not let my brother leave me."

Something in the way she had said the word 'brother' rang alarm bells in his head. "What did I say?" he asked quietly, yet secretly knowing his traitorous brain had told her his deepest secret in the midst of fever.

She took a deep breath and locked eyes with him. "You told me you loved me, but that you could not tell me because I loved your brother." She said calmly.

"You must hate me…." He turned his head away.

"I will _never_ hate you Lancelot, you are worlds to me….but…." she took a deep breath "neither can I love you in the way you want me to. I am sorry" she sighed "I wish I could, I wish I could be the one to make you happy; but I love Tristan, I will marry Tristan" She caught his chin and made him look at her.

He blinked at the revelation "I would never have betrayed him…." He eyes implored her to believe him "in my right mind I would never have spoke so."

"I believe you, I _do_; have I not told you how I see you differently to all others? I know you are a good man Lance. I am glad you told me; now we can begin again on an equal footing. But….but if I _ever_ did anything to make you think…..to lead you on…." She floundered "Then I am sorry…._so_ sorry."

He hugged her tightly to him, wincing at the pain in his shoulder "you did nothing Jules, except be you. You cannot control the feelings of others – I love you…." he said the words painfully "but I will recover and love again. That is the difference between Tristan and I" He conceded "he loves you so deeply that he would _never_ love again. I want that sort of love too, but with the right person; I would _never_ steal from my brothers."

"Then we must find it for you……"

"Not yet…." He smiled sadly.

She hugged him again and they stayed like that for some time.

Tristan and Arthur watched from the doorway before walking away. "I did not think she would tell him."

"Then you do not know Jules….." Tristan smiled "she would consider it cruel to let him go on loving her from afar."

"You are certain of her feelings now?"

"Deep down I already was; but how could I not be after she agreed to wed me and then this?"

"True - we are lucky men Tristan, not many find the love we have."

The scout nodded before walking off; his face as passive as always, but his step light.

0-0-0-0-0

It was a few weeks later that Van found Jules with her head buried in a bucket for the third time that day.

"Dear Goddess Jules are you alright?"

Jules stood, wiping her mouth "I am with child Van…." She looked at the floor and then looked up.

"Are you not happy?"

"_Aye_..…..but…."

"Bad memories?"

"Aye…" she sighed "I thought I had left all that behind me now."

"It is difficult to leave that much cruelty behind Birdie. Does Tristan know?"

She shook her head.

"Why?"

"I was not sure myself, but now…." She indicated the bucket, and smiled ruefully "I cannot possibly be wrong."

"Then go tell him…."

"What if he is not happy?"

"Ahh, I see…"

"What?"

"You are frightened of telling him because of before."

Jules sighed "I did not think I was - I know he loves me and I _know_ he will be happy, but……"

"Some of your demons still play havoc with you…"

"Aye" she sighed "I am a bad person to think so of him…"

"_Nay_, you are dealing with awful things that happened; it is only natural you would be worried it would spoil things now, and you would be back in the nightmare…" Van hugged her friend "But, trust me Jules, he loves you to distraction and he would be thrilled. So go tell him…."

She hugged Van and kissed her cheek before she ran off, almost skipping to the stables where she had last seen him.

Her friend watched her go; Bors strolled up with Galahad and Gawain, "What was that all about?"

"She is _pregnant_!" Van crowed, eyes still on her friend's retreating back…..she clapped her hands over mouth, as the men all started whooping "_Bugger_! You do not say a word – _any_ of you!" she looked at them threateningly "Or it will be the worse for all of you!"

"Better do as she says boys, you cannot escape her….believe me I have tried! OOOWWW – will you _stop_ bloody hitting me wench!" Bors rubbed his head grinning "It is good news though is it not?"

"What is?" Arthur and Lancelot wandered up.

"Jules is…." Galahad went to tell, and then saw Van looking at him evilly. "Ummm….er…..she is…..going to…..ummm….paint their room…..and we thought that very good news…." He finished lamely.

The other two knights looked at him suspiciously "Right……aye, I can see where that would be momentous news!" said Arthur with a grin before walking away.

Lancelot was heard saying "They are lying."

"I gathered; and it obviously has something to do with Jules" grinned their leader.

Gawain cuffed his friend and brother round the head "You are _so_ pathetic at lying!" he hooted.

"Well I did not see you leaping in with a better excuse!"

They too wandered off, still arguing "excuse me! Was I the one who even mentioned Jules in the first place?" Gawain rolled his eyes "Nay, so do not even start with me! You are a pathetic liar…..end of story!"

"Am not!"

"Am!"

Van laughed and hugged Bors "What was that for?"

"Because I love you, I love them and I love the fact that Jules is having a baby!"

"You soppy date!" Bors hugged her back.

0-0-0-0-0-0

Jules found Tristan in the stables sitting on a bale of hay, he looked extremely pre-occupied. He was concerned about her; he knew she had been unwell and she seemed so worried all the time the last few days.

He turned as soon as she entered, his eyes lighting up as he saw her; she flew to him, banging into him so hard she knocked them both off the bale and into a heap behind it.

"You seem pleased to see me..." his eyes glowed even as his voice remained as calm as always.

"I have something to tell you…" she picked herself up and was extracting hay from her clothes, as he pulled her back down next to him and began to kiss her - she surrendered for a few minutes but when he began to tug at her shirt she stayed his hands.

"What?" he looked at her, his eyes heavy with love and desire. She nearly drowned in them and thought about telling him later; especially as his mouth began to draw lines down her neck "Sorry, am I distracting you?" he murmured against her skin his voice teasing; his hot breath sending fire through her veins.

She wrapped her hands in his hair and nearly let him continue "Nay! …..I….I…."

She tried to regain control of her soaring emotions, but it was so hard when she loved him so much and he knew her body so well. She _could_ tell him later, a little while longer would not hurt surely……

"What?" he had stopped brought to a halt by her emphatic voice, his eyes concerned.

"I….I…want to tell you…." she stammered.

"What!" he was becoming anxious now.

"I am pregnant….with your child….a baby…." She blurted out, eyes tight shut waiting for the explosion; the anger, the rejection.

Instead he was completely still for a split second, and then she found herself crushed to him in such a tight embrace that she could not physically breathe.

"A _baby? My_ child…_my_ baby" he whispered into her hair "I will have a _family_…"

She gasped, he released his grip immediately "I am sorry….but…a _baby_." He grinned; his whole face for once no longer passive but alight with happiness.

He saw she was crying and immediately he sobered "but….you are not happy?"

"Oh aye…_aye_ I am; I have wanted this…you do not know _how_ I have wanted this - but I was not sure if I could…and then I was worried…."

"Worried? Oh….I see…." He realised what she was saying "but surely you know how much I love you and would love our child?"

"Aye…I know that…but…." She sighed "some demons Tristan keep a hold even when we do not want them too. I wonder if I will ever be truly free…." She paused, mulling over in her mind whether to tell him what had been bothering her "I worry if they will haunt me forever….always lurking somewhere, in the back of mind….."

"They might, but I will always be here; I will always protect you Jules. Do you trust me?"

"Utterly."

"Then trust me now, they _will_ fade away one day; as you got your voice back, so you will lose them."

She hugged him then, kissing him and telling him how much she loved him; he never tired of hearing her say it, never tired of her arms around him.

They lay together for a long time, murmuring their love of each other; their plans for the future……


	18. Epilogue

**_Disclaimer: Same as Chapter 1 - so _please,_ for the love of _God,_ don't keep making me write it out people:O)__ Tabiti is a genuine Sarmatian name I found on the internet._**

_**All reviews, and constructive criticism, gratefully received – but no flaming please; and I will try to update regularly.**_

**_WARNING: BAD LANGUAGE AND VIOLENCE, SO READ AT YOUR OWN PERIL. _**

'_**Thoughts'**_

"_**Speech"**_

_**-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-**_

_**LITTLE BIRD AND THE HAWK**_

**_Chapter Eighteen–Epilogue_**

Six months later Jules was safely delivered of a gorgeous baby boy they called Chad. He was the spitting image of Tristan and his father adored him. Jules sobbed for over an hour after her son was born; Tristan was becoming concerned "My Little Bird, do not weep so; he fares well, as do you - what is it?"

"I….I have never really held my babies before Tristan….I have never been allowed to. They have all been killed by now….he is two hours old, and I can hold him and cuddle him and I love him _so_ much..." she whispered as she smiled through her tears.

Tristan's heart lurched in his chest; as did the other knights, who were welcoming their newest member. Arthur could only close his eyes to the brutality she had suffered and been made to watch; the children she had lost. By rights this should be her _fifth_ child, _not_ the first.

The scout wrapped his arms around her and their small son tightly "Will you marry me now?"

She turned swimming eyes up to him "How could you ask again, when you know I will always say aye?" she smiled.

He kissed her gently and sat on the bed with her. Lancelot turned to Rozhanitsa and smiled sadly "She seems very happy….."

"You could be too Lance, if you _tried_." She smiled at him.

He started, the only other one who called him Lance was Jules "One day……"

"Well, when you decide you want to be happy, come find me; as a _friend_ I am sure we can raise a laugh together." She leant closer to him and warned him lightly "But I will not be one of your tavern whores…"

"I would never treat you like that….." he replied earnestly; and he meant it. He liked her, she was a lot like Jules and yet not like her; she was a lot tougher than Jules for one thing.

"True…. You have not been near them much for a while have you?" she grinned.

He smiled at her, his first real smile in six months. In fact since he had found out about Jules' pregnancy; it had been the final nail in the coffin of his feelings for her - he knew then without a shadow of a doubt that she would never be his.

He had nursed his heart since then; even meeting Rozhanitsa had not really helped. But she had been nice to him and sat with him when he came to the tavern, helped him back to his room; held his hand and listened to him while he laid on his bed, crying away his drunken tears and rambling about lost love.

He looked at her more closely; she was a good person. He had not realised what an idiot he had been. Jules' words came back to him "She is so like my sister it is quite odd" Mayhap that is what he needed; to get to know her other than as a shoulder to cry on.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

Tristan lay down that night with Jules and Chad "I want us to marry as soon as we can Tris; I really do."

"Why? Frightened I will change my mind?" he smiled against her neck.

"Nay, but I think we have waited long enough; I do not want you to think _I _have changed _my_ mind!" she grinned in the darkness.

"You would not, would you?"

"Nay, no more than the sun will not rise on the morrow; you have given me so much Tristan - my life, my sanity, and now my son. On top of all that you gave me your love; I could no more leave you than I could stop breathing, or ask my heart never to beat again." She caressed his cheek with her hand.

He pressed his lips against her palm "I am glad to hear it; and you mean full as much to me - for have you not given me the very same things?"

They hugged each other into the night, both marvelling at their small son. Tristan watching in raptures when Jules fed him; Jules just grateful that she finally had a son she could hold and love, let alone be a mother too.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0

Time moved on and six months had passed, and Jules was pleased to see Lancelot spending a lot of time with Rozhanitsa; she liked the girl, and she was indeed much like Tabiti. She and Jules had become fast friends and, along with Van and Guinevere, were given to wild games and lots of laughter.

Guinevere and Jules were teaching the other two women how to use swords and daggers as well a bow. They were teaching them to ride too "If you are going to be with the knights then you ought to be able to fight your own corner!" laughed Jules.

Rozhanitsa pulled a face "I am a _friend_ only; why should _I_ care?"

"Because I think you lie more to yourself than me!" laughed Jules.

The other girl poked her tongue out and they all fell about laughing. Lancelot was watching from the gallery and felt his heart lift. Tristan noticed that he was no longer watching Jules……

As the dark knight walked down to watch them, Rozhanitsa glanced up at him and blushed. Lancelot suddenly felt the urge to talk to her, he was not going to lose her as he had Jules; though in truth he had never really _had _Jules, he knew deep down she had been Tristan's from the first moment the scout had found her, mayhap that was why he had encouraged them at the start.

But Roz was different; he realised now that he could not be without her. When she was working, he would make his way to the tavern – though not get drunk now – and if she was not, he would rather spend his time with her doing other things than being there and drinking. He had not looked at another woman for so long he had forgotten that he ever had.

He loved her - there he had said it. If only to himself, but he _had_ said it. But he did; he loved her, and he was going to tell her - she had to know he thought more of her than as a friend.

He called her over and drew her away from the others; Guinevere looked at Jules "about bloody time!" The other women smirked.

"What is wrong Lance?" Roz glanced at Jules and then at him "I can stop, if seeing her is upsetting you?" she offered quietly.

"What? Nay, nay - nothing like that…." He seemed bothered "I need to talk to you that is all."

"Do you want to walk?"

"Aye….that would be good – let us walk" so she took his arm and he walked her to the battlements.

He told her he loved her; that though they had started as friends, he loved her now as more than that. She had helped heal his heart and as he had suspected, he did not love Jules the way Tristan did, for he _had_ loved again - she.

Roz stood with her mouth open; Lancelot gently reached out and pushed it shut "I take it this is a bit of a shock? Though hopefully not an unpleasant one?" he murmured.

She could hear the pleading in his voice, the underlying entreaty, _'please do not hurt me too – please do not break my heart as well'._

She knew she would not; she had been waiting, not as patiently as he might think – many nights had been spent pacing her room, wondering whether to go to him and speak of her feelings – for him to show his hand…..his heart, and now he had.

She had come to love this dark knight; this sarcastic, violent, flirty man. For she knew this was all a show, a front to cover the real man beneath; the sad, lonely and desperate shell that lived there. He was loyal and honourable when it mattered; and she knew that she saw a depth to him, a different side that few others did.

She knew about Jules and what had happened to her, the girl herself had told her some and Van had filled in the rest. She baulked at what she had had to endure, but then saw she had survived with the help of their scout.

Jules' eyes would seek him out whenever the knights were about; she would be the first to the gates on their return from a mission, he riding eagerly forward and pulling her and their boy onto the saddle in front of him - only then would any see him relax. They could finish each other's sentences, and would know when the other entered a room…..

The love that burned between the two was fierce and she knew that Lance would never break it. Not that he would try, and that is when slowly her tough façade began to break with him. Any other man, who loved as he appeared to, would have merely tried to win the woman he felt for. Not Lancelot, he hid his hurt and no one saw – save she.

She stepped forward and pressed her lips to his "it _is_ a surprise Lance, but a very welcome one….."

He gathered her to him with, it seemed to her, infinite relief "I would never do aught to hurt you Roz; you know I am yours, do you not?"

She smiled and hugged him "Aye, as I am yours my dark knight…"

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

The dancing at Lance and Roz's wedding, six months later, was frantic; and Jules was twirling Van's No.12 like a dervish. Both were laughing and giggling as they darted about.

Dagonet walked over to Tristan "She is a lot different now to when we first found her, is she not?"

The scout nodded "She still mistrusts the Romans though. Arthur is the only one who can approach her and, you know, she still flinches slightly if he has his armour on…" he sighed "She will never truly be _'right'_ Dag. That saddens me, that I will never know her without the darkness…."

"But you still love her" it was a statement of fact, not a question.

"Aye, that I do; more than my own life." He hoisted his 1 year old son in his arms "Shall we go and get Mama, go for a ride on the horse?" the boy bounced in his father's arms.

"Aye, Daddy, Aye!"

"Do you think you will have more?" Dag indicated the boy.

"I hope so, for she is such a good mother; my heart bleeds for the children she lost…..she would have loved them so much, been so good to them." He looked down and shrugged "but if it happens, it happens; if not, we have him and I am happy. So is she…."

"What is it like being married?"

The scout looked at him hard for a very long moment "wonderful…." He murmured with feeling.

Dag turned to say something else, but he was gone. He looked across and saw Jules running towards him and their son. Nay, she would never be without the darkness, her darkness – but she would also bask in the light; his light.

**_Well, that's it folks…….the absolute end! Hope you like it! Am doing one of the following next, after the end of Bethan & Lucan (only about another 2 chapters to that one):_**

_**Arthur story**_

_**Lancelot story**_

_**Or Dagonet story**_

_**Please vote as I am having terrible trouble making up my mind! Though leaning towards the Dag story at the moment…**_


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